Haven’t been blogging lately. Been too busy working on the book I’m writing with God. I know that might sound weird to you, but that’s the way it feels to me. And for me, there’s no other way to write, as I’m not by nature a writer. So I pray as I write, often spending more time with my eyes closed than with my fingers on the keyboard. Okay, so progress seems slow – just a good test for my natural impatience.
Anyway, I just felt like checking in with my blog today. And I want express my gratitude to God for having His hands on the keyboard along with mine.
5:30am – an hour to go before the call. No big deal. Just an early morning work conference call, where I’ll be giving a presentation. But for my co-workers and me, this is a big presentation. I want it to go well. And so my tendency would be to get stressed out. But I don’t want stress. Stress would hog the next hour and keep me from doing what I want to be doing – writing.
So I pray to the Holy Spirit of Jesus within me, and this is what came into my mind: “The presentation doesn’t matter. It’s purely worldly and has no value. What matters is relationships, and love.”
As the reality of this truth settled into my mind, the approaching stress-cloud melted away. And I’m so grateful.
My hearts desire is to write, but I’m stuck in my engineering job, shoveling stress and trying to cope with corporate “junk.” Sometimes I fail and let the stress consume me – I just can’t shovel as fast as they pile it on.
Many times I’ve asked God, “Why am I here? I look for meaning in my job, but can’t find anything that matters. I feel like I’m wasting so much time of my brief life. Why am I at this meaningless job when my hearts desire is to surrender to You and devote all my time doing whatever you want me to do? Well, I guess you want me in this job.”
Today I was thinking, what can I do for God while in my “meaningless” job. Well, I could try to find joy in every moment, knowing and trusting that in that moment, I’m where God wants me to be. I could strive to be like Brother Lawrence, who found joy and peace in everything he did, because he was always in the presence of God.
Then it hit me: maybe the reason I’m in my meaningless job is because my feelings about the job make me crave more closeness with God and Jesus. If I didn’t have a stress-pit of a job, I would not be so hungry for the presence of Jesus in my life. The more stressful the job, the more I look for Jesus to help me. I think I’m now sincerely grateful for my job, and for more than just the financial security, which I’m always grateful for.
I know I’m weak and this joyful feeling may be fleeting, but I sure am grateful for my time with the Spirit of God and Jesus, no matter what I’m doing.
I’ve been reading Paul’s letter to those in Rome. This morning I was in chapter 3, where I read this: “This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, AND are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” (Romans 3:22-24)
I sin AND I’m justified, that is, I’m declared righteous by God, by my faith in Jesus. I’ve read Romans many times over the years, and at first I didn’t see the “and”; I didn’t recognize it’s power. I sin and I’m righteous, in God’s eyes. My sin does not affect God’s opinion of me. Where sin will not harm me, it’s faith that saves me. Instead of worrying about sin, I should focus on faith.
By the way, it’s my faith in God and Jesus that feeds my love for them. And it’s my ever-growing love for them that feeds my desire to not sin. Avoiding sin is therefore motivated by love, rather than fear.
I never understood the sadness until my own children were grown and out on their own. Yet my mom gave me a preview of coming emotions. She showed me how sad she could get every time I left her after a weekend visit. I thought she was being overly emotional. But I now share her feelings whenever my sons leave after a weekend home.
My purpose in my relationship with my sons has evolved as they’ve grown from babies into men. But one thing that never changes is my overwhelming desire to be with them and to show my love for them. God shares this desire in His relationship with you.
God’s’ singular purpose is unconditional love. Love is why He sent His Son to fulfill justice, while rescuing you from your own mistakes, yet forgiving you when you fall and helping you get back on your feet again. Love is why God helps you stand in the face of life’s storms. God’s purpose is to be your loving Father and for you to be His child. God’s purpose is to be your ultimate parent and to fill your hungry soul.
My mind tends to wander in the wasteland; those dark and lifeless places where my thoughts get captured by the dusty and dying things of this world. Worrying about things at work, fretting about home projects, wondering about the future of our shrinking world with seemingly growing violence – such places are the wasteland of my mind.
But eventually I drag my mind out of the wasteland, brush off the dust, and look back to God. And He’s always there, always waiting for me, within my mind and with my soul. He never gives up on me, no matter how often I let myself get pulled into the wasteland. And I’m so grateful.
While reading a devotional this morning, I saw a new image for the book I’m writing about the truth of Christianity. The book is like a flawed jar of clay. It cannot help but be flawed, for it comes out of me and contains my flaws. But this book of imperfect and sometimes cracked clay is filled with the power and glory of God, for the words within came from His inspiration.
Just as I myself am a flawed vessel, filled with the Spirit of God – I like this image of the book I’m writing. For I write with God, my inspiration.
I was having an email chat with a friend, and they asked me my story. I decided to share my answer with anyone one else who might be curious. Very briefly, here it is…
I waffled between agnostic and atheist during the first half of my life. Periodically I felt an interest in learning more about this person called Jesus. I even read a bit of the bible while in college. But it didn’t go beyond a weak interest. Then, in my thirty-something years, my interest started to grow. I started going to church.
I ended up helping lead our church youth group, where I grew much stronger in my relationship with God, and my interest became a hunger. Eventually, church started feeling uncomfortable to me, yet I didn’t know why. Though it was a hard decision for me, preceded by lots of conversations with God, I left that church.
I tried several other churches, but I never felt “called” to stick with any of them. I’m still not sure why, but I haven’t attended a Christian church for over 4 years. All I want to do is God’s will, yet so far it appears His will does not include me attending a church. Yet, thanks to my continued hunger and thirst for God, the amount of personal one-on-one time I spend with God, and His love and grace, I feel closer to God, Jesus, and their Spirit than ever in my life. And it didn’t require any kind of manmade religious structure or personal effort. All it took was desire on my part (I consider desire as faith that’s ready for action), and God did the rest. And I’m so grateful.
By reading my complaints about my flawed humanity in many of my blog posts, you might think I’m a miserable person. Well, I’m not.
It seems that most of the time, my life is dominated by my relationship with God, Jesus, and their Spirit who shares my life with me. By the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life, I have found true meaning, peace, excitement, and love. Life has never been better.
Yet I’m grateful for the flaws of my human nature: my pride and selfishness, my anxiety and worry, my anger, my natural temptations. For whenever my flaws capture my present, they remind me of how much I need God. Yes, my flaws may make me miserable while in the midst of them. But God has taught me to use my flaws, to steer my mind back to Him. And I’m grateful.
MANY years ago, when my first son was a toddler, my wife and I went to a parenting class at our church. Actually, we took turns each week, with one of us staying home with our son. Yet even with just attending sporadically, I learned things that became part of my foundation for how to be a good parent.
I’d now like to teach a parenting class, where we would look at God as our roll model of a truly good parent. Here are some aspects of God’s parenting style that would be helpful for all parents…
Always forgiving
Unconditional love for all His children
No favorites
Gives His all for His children – He even sacrificed His only natural Son for His adopted children.
Always there, willing to listen
He lets His children learn by their own mistakes.
No spoiled brats in God’s family. There are be consequences for bad behavior.
He’s always there to help us with our homework.
He looks out for His children’s future, even if they don’t.
The doctors had tried to re-start her heart for almost half an hour. They gave up, declared her dead, removed the crash cart from her hospital room, and left her husband to have some final moments with the withered body of his wife. But he wasn’t alone – hospital rules required a nurse remain present.
She stood quietly at the door, watching him as he held his wife’s cooling hand. He didn’t say a word, audibly anyway. He just sat there, looking into his wife’s dead face. I wonder what he was thinking in those moments. Was he angry with the God of his Christian wife, the God he didn’t quite believe in? Or was it love that filled his thoughts; the love that strengthened both of them through the many years together, yet was now drained from her cancer-filled body?
The nurse had others things she should be doing right now, but for some reason she felt like this was the place she needed to be most. The husband sometimes let out a sigh, or sniffed back some tears – but no other sounds were heard. Twenty minutes had passed since the team of doctors gave up and left the room.
Then it happened. The dead wife opened her eyes, looked into her husband’s face, and said, “I love you.” The nurse had a moment of dumb shock. When she gained a bit of control, she headed for the emergency call button.
“No, she’s gone,” the husband said. The nurse checked, and indeed… no pulse.
Such is the power of love. The love of the wife, and the love of God. For God granted the wife one final wish, to go back to her husband and tell him she loves him, one more time. And then she was gone.
And the husband began thinking in new ways about God and Jesus.
After six years of sporadic writing, I finally finished revision 10 of the book I’m working on with God; working title, His Truth Will Set You Free. It seemed to me that rev 10 was final draft quality, so I decided to get copies printed and ask my family to read it. This has been a huge moment for me, since my main reason for writing this book has been to offer the truth of Christianity to people I love who currently do not know Jesus.
Anyway, I now find myself in a very weird place. I feel a bit meaningless. After six years of getting up long before the sun, just so I can get in some writing time before work, it now feels like I have nothing to do with my time. Maybe I’m feeling a bit of temporary post-partum depression, or something like that.
Well, this morning, while sitting in writing limbo, I started re-reading one of my favorite books, The Power of the Spirit, by William Law. Talk about power – Law doesn’t give you a chance to get warmed up. A powerful message of the truth of the Holy Spirit erupts from the very first pages. And he affirmed for me a truth that has kept me writing for six years; anything good that may appear in me, truly comes from the Spirit of God within me. For all good comes from God.
Anything good within the book I’m writing comes from God, not me. I’m just His pen. And I’m so grateful.
My friend Josh just came up to me and said he didn’t get any sleep last night, again. He has a brand new baby daughter – now you see why he got no sleep. He then said, “So today is still yesterday.” I found that tickling and I wanted to share it. And Josh said I could. I hope you have a fun Friday, and weekend. CJ
I have two adult sons, whom I love so much it almost hurts. What’s up with that? Look, it hurts because I miss them… always. My wife and I raised them to be honorable men, filled with love and integrity, with the strength and independence to take care of their own lives. And that’s just who they are.
One of the purposes of being a parent is to raise our kids to take care of themselves. And for some of us, it’s hard to let go as we gently usher them out the door. I’m so proud of my sons and how they are living their lives. Yet I just wish I could see them more often. I wish I could always be with them, sharing their lives with them.
You know what? Your Father God feels the same way about you. Our Father loves you so much I suspect it sometimes hurts. He wants to be with you, sharing your life with you. Yes, like me and how I feel about my sons, God wants us to have the honor, integrity, and strength to take care of ourselves. But He doesn’t want us to do it alone. Our heavenly Dad loves you as only a parent can.
My adopted brother turned his back on my parents, ran away from home, and spent most of his life in prison. Yet even with all their pain and suffering, my parents never stopped loving their lost son. But their love for my half-bother is only a faded image of Gods love for His children.
To know true love is to know the nature of God. The primary trait of Gods character is love, for as John said, “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.” (1 John 4:16).
Love is so much a part of God and God so loves, that He and love are the same. Love is not a description of God – God is a description of love.
Applying God to Paul’s picture of love in chapter 13 of his first letter to the Corinthians, we have a vivid portrait of the true character of God…
“God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. God is not rude, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, paraphrase)
Our medium sized town is notorious for traffic problems. My stepfather fell into the traffic pit the other day, just trying to get across town and back to his house. Long lines and long waits at stoplights, crawling from one stoplight to the next – he found himself getting angrier with each stoplight.
He really didn’t like his reaction, so he started praying to Jesus to free him from his anger. As he sat at a stoplight, he sincerely asked Jesus to help him relax. The light would turn green, he’d make it through the intersection, only to hit another wall of traffic waiting for the next stoplight. He’d feel anger creeping up again, so he started praying again, more earnestly than the last time. With each successive long wait at a stoplight, his prayers became more pleading.
Then finally, he made it through the last major intersection that stood between him and home – nothing else stood in his way, except… another stoplight and a long wait. Damn! More prayers for calm and then… SPLAT!
A very large bird dropping – must have been a Mac truck of a bird – right in front of his face on the windshield. He laughed. Was this Gods answer? Well, wherever it came from, it helped dissolve the anger.
Does God answer prayers in funny ways? I think He does.
My stepfather has a great sense of humor and he likes to mess with his children. He’s also an image of God, as we all are. Therefore, his humor is an image of Gods humor. I think our Father God likes to have fun with his children. And I’m grateful.
I used to like watching those old, black and white science fiction movies where the mad scientists straps two people to heavy laboratory tables, hooks them up to high power machinery, throws switches, sparks fly, and the brains of the two victims are exchanged. I really like the movie “Young Frankenstein,” where Dr. Frankenstein straps himself to one of the tables so he can exchange some of his goodness with his delinquent creation.
Well, we are Gods delinquent creation. Jesus willingly strapped Himself to the cross, and exchanged His righteousness for our sinfulness. We are righteous now, if we believe in the gift that Jesus has given us. Our righteousness comes from Jesus. And I’m so grateful.
CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout 