CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout

The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.

Category Archives: Glory to God


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Loving Enemies – There’s Power There

love enemies

I discovered something this morning. Many years ago, when I started reading the bible, I was first perplexed with Jesus’ call to love our enemies. I didn’t like the idea. I think over the years my heart has softened a bit, and I do find it easier to feel compassion for my enemies (I like to see that as a form of love). Yet I still struggle.

Anyway, what first perplexed me, later amazed me when I realized that Jesus isn’t asking us to do anything He and God are not willing to do. God loves His enemies.

Then this morning it hit me – I was once God’s enemy. Somewhere around the time when I waffled between atheist and agnostic, without getting into details of what I remember about my life at that time, I’m certain I was an enemy of God. Yet He loved me, even then.

I now believe that the power of God’s love of me slowly melted my hard heart, to where I now love Him. God’s love melts down barriers. WOW! I love it when He amazes me. God is so much fun.

I hope you all have a great day. And remember, God loves you, no matter how you feel about Him.


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Truth is Freedom

truth will set you free

We make our decisions based on what we know and believe. If what you believe to be true is a lie, then that lie becomes the foundation for your decisions.

We all have the chance to decide if we will believe in Jesus Christ. Wouldn’t it be nice to be free to make that decision based on truth?

Yet some people aren’t interested in the truth, as Paul said, “They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved.” (2 Thessalonians 2:10) Some may be more interested in their self-made delusions than the truth. So before someone can decide how they will respond to Jesus, they first must decide how they will respond to the truth.

The truth is freedom – from worry, fear, doubt, uncertainty, stress, guilt, and the control of lies. As Jesus said, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners.” (Luke 4:18) Yet, is there a dungeon door that separates you from the truth? Jesus is knocking on your door… and His truth will set you free.


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Empty and Ready for More

Yesterday I finished rev 10 of the book I’m writing. And like most times when I finish a revision, I feel weird. This morning I feel this question pestering my mind: “Okay, what do I do now?”

But I also felt like I’m at a place of emptiness with God. I don’t mean negative emptiness. I mean good emptiness, like an empty jar ready to have something new poured into me. I like this feeling, just sitting here, opening my heart to God, waiting for Him to fill me with the next thing He wants me to do. It’s actually a little scary, but, “Dear Lord, bring it on.”


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Look for the Beauty

Beauty

War, school shootings, terrorism around the globe, ebola, killings over parking spaces, blog posts predicting these as signs the end is just around the corner. No matter how hard I try to not worry and leave it all in Gods hands, it all wears on me, darkening my mood. Then this morning, while blog surfing, I came across several blog posts where the topic was beauty.

Like a shot of espresso, opening my mind and soul to things of beauty brightened my mood and gave me a shot of energy. And I realized that much of the beauty in our lives (maybe all of it), is truly a gift from God. And I want to spread the gift around.

So today I’d like to encourage all of you who stumble across this post to leave the dark behind and really look at the beauty in your life. Open your mind and soul, and let the beauty sink in. Let it flood into your being, washing out any darkness and filling you with lightness and peace. And while looking at whatever you see as beautiful, maybe say thank you to God.


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I Forgot to Trust

Forgot to trust

 

I’ve been feeling really funky the past few days. Our recent long weekend away gave me a break from writing. But it also felt like I had taken a break from God. Not a total break, but with all the activity going on during our brief trip, it was hard for me to focus on God. It felt like the distance between us grew.

So after getting back home, back to work, and back to my writing, I set my sights on God… the Holy Spirit within me. Yet, though I got my focus back on God, I still felt funky. Work was stressful. The writing was hard. My best writing comes when I relax and let the Holy Spirit take my hands and write through me. Though I felt His presence, I didn’t feel His hands on mine. I didn’t feel Him directing my words and actions. It sucked.

Then last night it hit me. I had forgotten to truly trust God. It only took the few days of our long weekend trip for me to forget what it feels like to really trust God, to trust Him with not only my writing, but with my entire day.

Trusting God is so peaceful. I don’t have to worry about what I’m going to say or do. God will take care of that. I just sit back and let Him direct my life, and my hands as I type.

Dear Lord, thank you for reminding me to trust you. And thank you for being here within me, having the patience to wait for me to come around to you. I learn so slowly, and I seem to need the same lessons repeated – thanks for not giving up on me, always waiting for me to turn back to you.


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Hide ‘n Seek

hide n seek

One of our favorite places to play hide and seek was the old cemetery up on the hill, amid the forest of eucalyptus trees. The best days were when the fog came rolling densely over the coastal hills and spilled amongst the trees. The fright-level was fantastic, especially as evening approached and it started to get dark.

We always used the same statue as our base. I would hide behind a tree or gravestone, far from the statue but still within sight. When the kid who was “it” went searching in the other direction, I would scamper from one gravestone to the next, working my way toward the statue. Maybe I looked like John Belushi in “Animal House,” sneaking up to the girls’ dorm in the middle of the night. Anyway, if I got to the statue before “it” spotted me, I was safe.

I didn’t see the symbolism in what we were doing until a few decades later, when I remembered that our base was a statue of Jesus. When we make it to Jesus, we are safe.

jesus statue


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My Mind Adrift

mind adrift

Routine – it brings me peace. I have certain times of the day when I can break away from the chaos of life and quietly focus my mind of the Holy Spirit within me. And there I find peace. But when my routine is broken, it’s hard to find those quiet times, and it can feel like my connection with God is broken as my mind drifts away.

The past six days were filled with travel, visits with old friends, my wife’s college homecoming, sleeping in five different beds in five different cities, great food, good wine and beer, and even some tasty scotch. Though I grabbed many brief moments to say hi to God, I felt like we were drifting apart. I didn’t like the feeling. I worried that it might be difficult to gain the close connection again.

God reminded me of something on the five-hour drive home yesterday. He never intended to let the two of us drift apart. He patiently waited for me to look again to Him. And He was right there where I last saw Him, within my heart and with my soul. Nothing was lost, the connection was not broken. God’s love is too strong to let me drift away. And I’m so grateful. Thank you Lord for always being here, within me.


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Trusting God with the Future

trust God

I want to live more in the present, with my focus on the Holy Spirit of God within me, sharing my present with me. The other day I wrote about my tendency to live in the future (see it here). Right after posting that, it occurred to me that living in the present, and not trying to pre-plan my future, is a way of trusting God with my future.

Trusting God has been frequently on my mind lately. Now I’ve found another way to show my trust – leave the future to Him. Live in the present, with Him. And He continues to open my mind to the simple truths that make such a difference to my life. I’m so grateful. Thank you Lord.


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When God went Quiet

God went quiet

This morning, while letting the coffee cup warm my hands as my mind chatted with God, I thought about how I need His presence in my life. I depend on His presence, and I found myself again wondering how lost I would be without a sense of His presence. The other day I wrote about what happens when God goes quiet in my life (see it here).

It’s been a long time since I felt no sense of God, and in that time I’ve grown to lean on Him more. Imagining what it might be like to lose Him, I felt like curling up on the floor and shutting down. Life is just too hard to try to deal with on my own.

All of this negative thinking then reminded me of a powerful, yet sometimes lost truth. The sense of dread I feel around the idea of losing Gods presence is nothing compared to what Jesus felt that night in the olive grove, just hours before His arrest, torture and death.

As Jesus hung on the cross, moments away from death, with the sins of the entire world piling onto his bloody back, God went quiet. Jesus paid the ultimate penalty for sin – separation from God. For the first time in eternity, the Son was alone, without the presence of His Father. The physical pain may have been nothing compared to the emotional and spiritual pain.

Think of someone you feel you cannot live without. Now take them away. How does it feel now? Jesus felt so much worse. So did His Father. And they willingly endured the pain, all for their love for us.


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His Child

His child

It’s taken me a long time to understand the nature of my relationship with God. Yet when the truth of it finally opened my eyes, it overwhelmed me. God wants to be a Father to me! The parent-child relationship is so nurturing and intimate, and that’s what the creator of all that exists wants for me. And you. Wow!

As Paul stated, “But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, ‘Abba, Father.’ So you are no longer slaves, but God’s children; and since you are his children, he has made you also heirs.” (Galatians 4:4-7)

“I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:18)

“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God – children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:12-13)


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When God goes Quiet

God quiet

There have been times in my past, where God seemed to go quiet, where I had no sense of His presence in my life. Those are the worst of times.

I now realize that when God went quiet, that was when I sought Him more earnestly. Maybe God goes quiet in my life on purpose. Because every time that happens, and every time I seek Him more earnestly, He seems to come back into my life more fully, and He always feels closer than before. The quiet times are always followed by stronger times, where our relationship feels more solid and certain.

My sense is that God is coaching me along in our relationship, in a personalized way that He knows will work with me. He may interact differently with you.

It seems like it’s been a long time since God felt quiet in my life. I’m now at a point where I cannot imagine living without a sense of His presence. I’ve come to rely on God so much that I can’t handle living without Him. I now feel like He will never go quiet again. And I’m so grateful. Thank you Lord.


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Practicing Trust

practice trust

I’ve been working a lot lately on trusting God, with my writing (book and blog), with work, with all my relationships. And I’ve seen that like everything in our lives, with practice, trusting God becomes easier.

It’s becoming easier for me to just relax and let Him guide my steps, guide my hand as I write, guide my words as I speak. And it’s a blast! This sense of real, sincere trust and what I see as He guides me – it’s really fun. This is joy, the joy of trust.

Oh, dear Jesus, thank you so much. As your peace and joy is beyond understanding, so is my gratitude beyond my ability to express. I am yours. Now let’s go have some fun and work on the book.


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Playing with God

Watch a group of young children at play sometime. Made-up games, with few rules. One game may morph into another game. Full of fun and giggles. Spontaneous, out of control and unpredictable.

I just started reading the book, “The Good and Beautiful Life,” by James Bryan Smith. Just a little ways into it, he introduced the idea of play and how it relates to our life with God.

I think I’ve had times of playing with God, without realizing it. Spontaneous, out of control and unpredictable. Like the mornings where He and I get together in thought, and I just relax my mind and ask Him what He wants to do. In a way, maybe I’m letting God choose the game. And it’s in these moments of giving control to God where some of my best writing has sprouted. It’s a blast!

Playing with God: what does this mean to me? Just relax, trust Him as a child would trust, and have fun. Humbly let go of the desire to control and happily follow the Leader, wherever He may lead. And I believe that when you’ve found the fun, the joy, of playing with God – then you have found the true presence of God within you.


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A God we can feel close to

close to God

As the coffee finally began to take effect this morning, I more easily focused my mind in prayer. I tried to empty my thoughts and open myself up to God, asking Him to fill me with His wishes. Does He want me to write a blog post this morning, work on the book, go in search of other blog posts that have a message He wants me to see, or something else?

In my minds eye, I pictured all-mighty God, the creator of all that exists. And I believe what I felt was fear, fear of the Lord. Not a fear of harm. But getting so close to such immense power – there’s something a bit frightening about that. In a way, it’s like when my son gave us a tour of the nuclear power plant he works at – so much power it’s almost scary.

Anyway, in the midst of my sense of fear, my mind turned to Jesus. I can picture Jesus, with our shared humanity. And I found myself overwhelmed with gratitude. God so loves us that He sent His Son to be one of us. Where God feels too immense for me to feel close to, I can feel close to Jesus, my fellow human.

Maybe this is another reason God sent Jesus to share our humanity – so there would be a piece of Him that His human children can more easily snuggle up to in prayer. Jesus knows what I’m going through. He’s lived through many of the same temptations. He knows what it’s like to be human. And I’m so grateful. Thank you Lord.


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Dear God

[Look, something brought you to this blog post. If it was a mistake—sorry. But if you’d like to see something that is probably more worth your time, please check out the blurb about my soon-to-be-published novel on my new website. It’s basically about seeing a different perspective of Jesus, through the eyes of some background characters in the Bible. New website: cjpenn.com]

dear God

 

I just started reading “The Good and Beautiful Life,” by James Bryan Smith. Chapter One invited me to write a letter to God, describing the kind of life I want to live. Here is my letter.

Dear God,

The life I want most for myself is a life of You living through me. I desire with all my heart that when others look at me, they see You. I desire never to do or say something that you wouldn’t do or say. I desire to live with honor, integrity, compassion, humility, forgiveness, understanding, and true love toward all who come into my life. I desire to be a true image of You. Thank you dear Lord.


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Love on the Cross

love on cross

See Him hanging on the cross. Ragged. Beaten. Dying. Willingly surrendering to ravenous sin. Only moments left now. Father, where are you? I can’t see you anymore. My heart is bursting with pain – Father, the pain of separation is overpowering.

It is finished. Father and Son are no longer one. No longer together. Ripped apart by the evil of sin, the sin of the world. Father held out His Son, giving Him to sin as payment, willingly letting go of His dearly loved one.

This is love… for you and me.

There are three true powers in the world: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Love never fails. Love concurred sin. Open your heart and feel His love… for you.


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The Final Draft

final draft

When will I ever be finished with the book I’m writing? Which revision will be the final draft? I’m working on rev 9, and I know for sure there will be a rev 10. I recently wrote about my anguish and impatience (see it here). Since I’m a tinkerer, I sometimes fear that I will never be finished, that I will keep tweaking the book, always looking for ways to make it better. In the engineering world of which I work, there is a saying: there comes a time in every project to shoot the designer and release the product. Am I going to have to shoot myself in order to settle for a final draft?

This morning I found myself praying about trusting God. And this is what came into my mind: I don’t have to worry about the final draft. Since in my effort to write this book all I’m trying to do is be Gods pen, with Him the author, the final draft is up to Him. He will decide which draft is final, and He will make it clear to me. In fact, He already has. All I have to do is trust Him. And I do. Thank you Lord.


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Why Surrender?

surrender

Life has worn me down. Life has stressed me out. Worry assaults me. So I surrender.

I am tired. Life is too hard. I can’t handle it on my own. So I surrender.

My mind holds me captive to judgment, worry, fear, anger, impatience, selfishness. So I surrender.

He gave His life for mine. He surrendered His life for me. So I surrender to Him.

Why surrender? Because I love Him. I wish my love came for free. But He paid a high price, the highest. It took that price to buy my love. Yes, I feel ashamed. But His love is overpowering my shame. The dark shadow of my shame vanishes under the brilliant light of His love. All that is left is love. And with all my love, I surrender to you dear Jesus.

With all my heart,

CJ Penn


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My Ghost Writer

ghost writer

He did it again… my ghost writer. I’m working on revision 9 of a book I’m collaborating on with my ghost writer friend. Yesterday I finished marking up chapter 20 with more fine-tuning changes (part of what sometimes feels like my never-ending editing process). This morning I got up at 4:00am, as usual, to get in some writing before heading to work. I had intended to start editing chapter 21. But as I got out of bed, the thought became clear that I needed to go back and take another look at chapter 20. My ghost writer was talking to me again.

Got my coffee and settled myself in my makeshift “office” (a walled-off corner in the garage), and while letting the coffee cup warm my hands, I prayed, as usual. This thought came clearly into my mind: there was a glaring problem buried within chapter 20 that I needed to uncover and fix. My ghost writer, the Holy Spirit of God within me, was making my task for this morning clear.

And sure enough, as I read my way through chapter 20, I turned a page and there was the problem – a couple of unclear and awkward paragraphs. And the whole section looked a lot better with those paragraphs crossed out.

This is the way it goes, writing with the Holy Ghost. Is God really speaking to me, giving me direction on how to write this book? Well, the answer depends on what you believe. For me, I certainly believe so. And I’m so grateful. Thank you God.


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The Shark within Me

shark

Ever circling. Lidless eyes, ever searching. Jagged teeth, ever ready to devour innocence. Ever within me, part of me, torturing me. Ever my ego, my pride, my self, my shark.

My ego is the shark within me, always searching for something to capture and make its own. For example, since I started posting again on this blog after taking a long break, my ego has become intoxicated over things like number of page views and number of followers. I keep telling my “self” that none of that matters, but I often lose the argument.

Whenever I win the argument, it’s because I walk away from the argument. I win when I ignore my yammering ego and instead focus on the Holy Spirit within me. The shark has no chance against the Spirit. Dear Jesus, thank you.