CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout

The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.

Tag Archives: Daily life


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Jesus is my Rock

Jesus rock

Sometimes. No, make that several times a day… I feel stressed out, especially at work. Even now, in the peace of the early morning, I can feel the stress, usually from anticipation of work. This stress feels like a liquid poison, poured into this vessel named CJ Penn. Sometimes it’s just a bit of poison; other times it feels like I’m overflowing.

Until I remember Jesus. He is like my Rock, dropped into this vessel CJ, pushing the poison of stress out. I feel Him enter into my thoughts, and the poison flows away. When Jesus fills me, there is no room for the poison of stress.

Stress is indeed a poison, for it can make our life sick. But even when surrounded by a stressful day, with Jesus on the inside, the stress remains on the outside, unable to poison my heart and mind and soul.

Thank you so much dear Jesus… my Rock.


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God Loves Homosexuals

The Bible makes it clear what God thinks of homosexuality as a life style – God despises all sins, including homosexuality. Yet the Bible also makes it abundantly clear what God thinks of sinners. Though God despises sin, He loves sinners… as His children. Though God despises homosexuality as a life style, God loves homosexuals… as His children.

Look, I’m a sinner. I happen not to be homosexual, but I have plenty of other sins that I seem to daily re-visit. These sins are just part of who I am as a person. But my sinful personal nature does not affect God’s love for me. Even in the midst of my sinning, God loves me just as I am.

Are you homosexual? God loves you just as you are. The pain comes from too many of us focusing all our attention on the sin, and forgetting about the love. Let’s all hold onto God’s love, a love that heals all pain.


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Open My Eyes Lord

“Open the eyes of my heart Lord, open the eyes of my heart.

I want to see your, I want to see you.” *

When I was helping with our church youth group, we sang this song often. I love the lyrics. I’d close my optical eyes and try to open the eyes of my heart – it was usually difficult. As I’ve traveled on this journey of getting to know God, I crave to see God more often, within me. For me, it’s more of a feeling of God’s presence that I crave – that’s what it means to me to see God.

My hope is that you are able to quiet your mind and open your heart, and see and feel God and Jesus within you. They are there already, waiting for you to look their way.

 

* “Open The Eyes of My Heart,” by Paul Baloche


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God Touches My Heart in My Prayers

Finger of God

Eyes closed, heart open, I try to quiet my mind.

My mind – it’s sometimes not my friend.

My mind – racing in circles, from one thought to the next.

Then God helps me pull in the reins and bring my mind to a trot, and finally a stop.

Eyes closed, heart open, and my mind quiet and focused on God.

That’s when He touches my heart.

That’s when God reaches into my soul and stirs up my emotions.

And I swell and melt with love and gratitude – for God and Jesus and their presence within me.

And there’s a tear, or two – physical evidence of my emotion.

Dear God. Dear Jesus. I’m so grateful for your love and presence within me.

Let’s do this day, together.


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Church for the Un-churched

churchless 2

Did you know that most of the people who don’t go to a Christian church had earlier in their life attended church? This is most apparent with the young adult generation, like from 18 to 30 years old. They attended as a kid, probably because their parents dragged them there, but they followed a different path when they gained their adult freedom.

I’m reading “Churchless,” by George Barna and David Kinnaman. It’s a book based on survey results of those who don’t go to a Christian church.

I just finished reading a chapter that describes the reasons young adults no longer go to church. And then this idea slipped into my mind: instead of the traditional brick-and-mortar church, what if there were an on-line church? Maybe it could be a Facebook group, where people go to talk about Jesus. Would this be more appealing than a traditional church? Might this type of church be able to avoid the turn-offs of a traditional church?

Please let me know if there is such an on-line church. What do you think of the idea? Thanks.


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Breaking Into My Anxious Thoughts

coffee with Jesus

A typical morning: coffee mug warming my hands, Jesus Calling devotional opened to yesterday (I’m usually a day behind), and my mind ping-ponging between the book on my lap and the Spirit of Jesus within my mind. And of course, my mind often takes a side trip and finds something to be anxious about.

This morning it was the idea of eventually publishing the book I’m writing. The marketing piece of this project isn’t very appealing, though it’s something I feel comfortable with. But like most would-be authors (I suspect), I would rather spend my time writing than marketing. The accelerated blogging, more time on Facebook, and whatever other opportunities make sense at the time – all this was feeling more like a dark cloud on the horizon than something to get excited about.

Then Jesus broke into my anxious thoughts. He immediately reminded me that it’s not up to me whether the book gets published, or up to anyone else. It’s God’s decision. And that’s just the way I want it. Having God in charge of this book project removes all of my self-induced stress. Jesus broke into my anxious thoughts, and the anxiety melted away. And I’m so grateful.


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Wounded Christian

wounded heart

“Every year, 2.7 million church members fall into inactivity. This translates into the realization that people are leaving the church. From our research, we have found that they are leaving as hurting and wounded victims—of some kind of abuse, disillusionment, or just plain neglect! From 1990 to 2000, the combined membership of all Protestant denominations in the USA declined by almost 5 million members (9.5 percent), while the US population increased by 24 million (11 percent).” *

Are you one of these wounded Christians? Some wounds go unnoticed, for a while anyway. For the past four years, I haven’t gone to church – I have no desire. I had stopped attending church because I was disillusioned by the messages coming from the pulpit. As I step back and look at myself as an outsider might, it now clearly looks to me like I’m a wounded Christian.

Are you wounded? If so, consider checking out the Facebook group, “For Wounded Christians – a Place for Healing.”

 

* From an editorial in the July 2012 issue of Christian Computing Magazine, “Why the church is dying in America,” by Steve Hewitt


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Great is God’s Love

Gods love

I was a bit trouble-prone as a young boy. Like the time in my bedroom when I nailed my blankets and sheets to my dresser, the walls, and anything that would hold a nail. It was the most awesome tent ever. And then several years later, there was the New Years Eve when I blew up the neighbors mailbox with a barrel bomb. It was so cool how all the rivets blew out, but the swollen shell still stood on the post. Though my mom was always disappointed and usually angry about my fun-filled pranks, I never doubted her love for me.

The most loving parents feel love for their child no matter what. Such is God’s love for His children. “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1)


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What is God’s purpose in His relationship with you?

I never understood the sadness until my own children were grown and out on their own. Yet my mom gave me a preview of coming emotions. She showed me how sad she could get every time I left her after a weekend visit. I thought she was being overly emotional. But I now share her feelings whenever my sons leave after a weekend home.

My purpose in my relationship with my sons has evolved as they’ve grown from babies into men. But one thing that never changes is my overwhelming desire to be with them and to show my love for them. God shares this desire in His relationship with you.

God’s’ singular purpose is unconditional love. Love is why He sent His Son to fulfill justice, while rescuing you from your own mistakes, yet forgiving you when you fall and helping you get back on your feet again. Love is why God helps you stand in the face of life’s storms. God’s purpose is to be your loving Father and for you to be His child. God’s purpose is to be your ultimate parent and to fill your hungry soul.


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The Quiet Voice Within

Quiet voice

Three years of helping lead the church Junior High Youth Group – that’s all I had energy for. I graduated to the Senior High Group along with my youngest son, and the time was right for me because I was exhausted. Junior highers sometimes have an energy level that seems to be from another dimension.

Early on in my three years with the junior high group, I learned a trick from a battle-tested fellow leader. At first, I had tried to get the kids attention by being louder than them. This always failed because they just ratcheted up the volume beyond what my voice was capable of. Instead of being louder, the trick was to be quiet and soft-spoken. When the kids see a leader talking to them, yet they can’t hear his voice, they quiet down until they can hear. It takes effort on their part, a huge amount of effort for junior high kids. And it takes concentration. Yet they hear better this way.

I think that’s why the Spirit of God within me is so soft-spoken. Sometimes I wish He’d yell at me to wrest my attention away from all the junk in life that distracts me. But I believe He’s quiet because that’s His way of urging me to become quiet myself, and listen more intently. I think I hear God better because of His quiet voice within me. And I’m grateful.


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Wandering in the Wasteland

desert

My mind tends to wander in the wasteland; those dark and lifeless places where my thoughts get captured by the dusty and dying things of this world. Worrying about things at work, fretting about home projects, wondering about the future of our shrinking world with seemingly growing violence – such places are the wasteland of my mind.

But eventually I drag my mind out of the wasteland, brush off the dust, and look back to God. And He’s always there, always waiting for me, within my mind and with my soul. He never gives up on me, no matter how often I let myself get pulled into the wasteland. And I’m so grateful.


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Living for Eternity

God quiet

I thought I had found it. I thought I had discovered the underlying reason for our often-damaging natural human pride. But the flaws in my theory soon made themselves seen. Yet there are still parts of the theory that make sense to me.

They say that ego and arrogance come from insecurity – I believe this. I also believe that our mortality can feed our core sense of insecurity. Our life is short; we have little time to experience life – this can feed insecurity. Our mortal future may not be clear; we are uncertain of what waits for us on the other side of death – this gives more food to our insecurity. For those who are certain of heaven, they may feel uncertain of how God will judge them; and the insecurity gets bigger and stronger.

I don’t believe that pride and ego originated as a result of the insecurity that is fed by our mortality. But I do believe that our mortal insecurity feeds the pride that is already part of our natural humanity.

I constantly struggle with my own pride, striving to make it go away. Well, though I can’t make it go away entirely, maybe I can starve it and weaken it a bit… by living past my mortality and instead living for eternity. By faith, I want to accept my immortality that waits for me on the other side of death, and also accept the love and forgiveness already given to me by Jesus Christ. My eternal future is certain and bright.

I believe that accepting our bright immortal future will starve our insecurity, weaken our prideful human nature, and strengthen our humility. What do you think?


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I Surrender

surrender 2

Life can be wretched sometimes. Work can be a place of misery, feeling more like a prison; we don’t want to be there, but we must be there, we have no choice, for we need the money in order to pay the bills and make a living. “Living”… that’s almost a cruel joke, for it sometimes doesn’t feel like much of a life.

And then there’s our life outside of work, sometimes filled with relationships in turmoil. And don’t forget the mundane things, like the car that breaks down, the leaky faucet, the broken light fixture, the computer virus, with new problems always ready to replace those that get fixed.

And the worry list gets longer as sleep gets shorter. Is this how life was meant to be?

As most of us see it, we have two choices. Some choose the path of total escape… suicide. Most of us choose to not give up, but rather trudge our way through life, trying to make the best of what we have. Yet there’s a third choice. We can surrender.

Surrender your life to Jesus. Let Him have your life. Let Him deal with your problems. Let Him go to work for you. Let Him take on your worry list. Let Him have your mind, body, heart, and soul. Let Jesus live your life, through you.

The great irony is, once you surrender to Jesus, that’s when you will truly live. That’s when you will find true joy. Surrender isn’t easy, but it’s easier and better than the other two choices.


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Coffee With Jesus

coffee with Jesus

One of my favorite times of the day is early morning, when it’s still dark outside, with my cold hands warming around a hot cup of coffee. My mind starts out wandering, never stopping long in one spot. My thoughts are looking for Jesus, within me, yet my spiritual attention deficit disorder (SADD), keeps scattering my thoughts, hindering my efforts to find Jesus.

But soon the coffee gives my wandering mind the strength to wrest control of my thoughts and focus on my search for Jesus. And He’s always there waiting for me, in the midst of my thoughts.

We sit there together, while I sip my coffee. Closing my eyes to block out the distractions of the world, I look inside, to Jesus. And we just hang out together. Sometimes I talk. Often I try to just quiet my mind and listen. This quiet time with Jesus is my favorite time of the day. And I’m so grateful.


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Finding Jesus in My Writing

ghost writer

I recently got some great advice from an editor friend of mine, and now I’m totally re-writing the first chapter of the book I’m working on. As for the rest of the book – I don’t know yet. Revision 11 is looking meaty. What revision will be the final one, 22?

When will this book be finished? I’m three months away from the seven year anniversary of the day I started working on this book. Whether I ever publish it or not, I sure would like to finish it someday. I’m getting impatient. I want to be done with it. Here I am, still getting up each morning way before sunrise, just so I can have an hour or two to write before going to work. Seven years now of the same routine, and the end still looks far off and blurry.

This morning I was praying about all this, again. And thank you Jesus for reminding me what’s important.

It’s not finishing the book that’s important, at least right now. The focus may shift to finishing at some time, but right now it’s all about writing. What gets me out of bed each morning is the joy of finding Jesus in my writing. When my words are His words – this is what I chase after each morning. And when I’m able to empty myself enough to let Him write through me, those are the best moments of my day. Well worth getting out of bed before the crows. And I’ll keep at it until Jesus says it’s done.


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Trust… can be difficult when I get in the way

trust

The idea for a new writing project has been growing in my mind over the weekend. Though I feel pulled toward this project, taking hold of it right now would take time away from other things. So I’ve been asking God for advice.

I often go to God, asking Him to make decisions for me. I trust His decisions far more than my own. Yet most times, I already have a preference. And with that preference burning in my mind, I feel I can’t fully trust that the answer that comes to me is solely from God. Maybe it’s my preference, making too much noise for me to hear God’s answer.

Though my heart hungers to trust completely in God, my mind often gets in the way. Yet God is patient with me, and I’m so grateful.


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Falling Into My Stress-Pit

Out-of-the-Slimy-Pit

As a kid, when I would run out the backdoor to wander the hills behind our house, my mom liked to shout, “Don’t fall in a hole.” Even now, as a much older kid, if I tell mom that my wife and I are going on a hike, she’ll end the phone call with, “Don’t fall in a hole.”

Well, I recently fell again in that same old hole of my own digging. While on the journey of writing a book, I started over-planning my next steps. The revision I’m now working on will be followed with a good cleaning up by an editor friend of mine. I need to finalize the proposal. I will then follow the path of trying to convince a traditional Christian publisher, by submitting the proposal to the Christian Manuscript Submission website. And if that doesn’t get anyone’s attention, I’d turn to the path of self-publishing, likely with the help of Westbow Press. And I could ask my artistic niece to create a cover design – I really like that idea. These, and more tasks, started crowding my thoughts. And of course, I started dreaming up a schedule for all of this.

I was deep in the hole now, over my head in the stress-pit of my over-planning. The fun was dying from my book project.

But thankfully, Jesus reminded me of my folly. He reminded me that it’s His plans and schedules that are important. He’ll take care of the timing. All I need to do is make myself available to Him, to write when He wants me to write, and to do all that other stuff only when the time is right. The stress is now gone… at least until I start digging my hole again.


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Dear Jesus…

child in lap

Dear Jesus, I give you this day, I give you my life today, one day at a time, as it’s the best I seem able to do. But this offer sounds silly to me, as I feel that my life, this day, is not even mine to give away. I believe it’s already yours; always has been. So what should be my prayer today?

Maybe this: Dear Jesus, thank you for this day that you will share with me, this day that is yours already, my life that is yours already, sharing these precious things with me. Thank you for being greater in my life, and for my self-centered self being less.

What will we do today, together? The joy of following your lead – this is truly living.


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Connected by Prayer

vine and branches

Instead of judging my friend and their annoying behavior, I decided to pray for them. Often, when I pray for someone who makes me annoyed or angry, I’m actually praying for myself. I ask for patience and understanding.

As I went through my day, frequently praying for my annoying friend, I realized I was truly praying FOR them, instead of me. I kept thinking that they are annoying for a reason – some pain in their life, perhaps. My prayers became filled with a compassion for my friend, rather than annoyance. And then the surprise opened up before me.

I started feeling a strong connection with my friend; some kind of spiritual connection, I believe. And I believe that connection was through Jesus. His vine and branch image came into my mind, where Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

Our mutual connection with Jesus connects us to each other, spiritually. And I now believe that compassionate prayers FOR someone will strengthen those connections.


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Prayer vs. Judgment

do not judge

I’ve been reading The Good and Beautiful Life, by James Bryan Smith, just finishing the chapter about judgment. I learned a seismic truth while reading this chapter and then talking about it in our small group last night.

Smith gives a quote by Philo of Alexandria, who said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” Being judgmental can come so naturally for me. It’s often irresistible. But when I look at my target, and realize that the behavior I wish to judge may be battle scars – my judgment melts into compassion. And given time, compassion feels a lot better than judgment.

Where judgment can lead to criticism, compassion leads me to prayer. And from my experience, prayer is far more helpful than judgment. Where feelings of judgment eat at my soul, compassion and prayer feed my soul. And my hope is that prayers will lead to healing of battle scars.