By reading my complaints about my flawed humanity in many of my blog posts, you might think I’m a miserable person. Well, I’m not.
It seems that most of the time, my life is dominated by my relationship with God, Jesus, and their Spirit who shares my life with me. By the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life, I have found true meaning, peace, excitement, and love. Life has never been better.
Yet I’m grateful for the flaws of my human nature: my pride and selfishness, my anxiety and worry, my anger, my natural temptations. For whenever my flaws capture my present, they remind me of how much I need God. Yes, my flaws may make me miserable while in the midst of them. But God has taught me to use my flaws, to steer my mind back to Him. And I’m grateful.
This writing gig gets me all confused and stressed out. To self-publish my book, or chase after a traditional publisher? To try to lure an agent, or not? Should I even bother trying to publish? How to attract followers to this blog? How to increase page hits? Should I even bother trying to attract followers, or instead focus on a simpler motive for writing blog posts?
Today is a typical morning for me; my mind is a jumble of random thoughts and questions, all in search of a purpose and direction. And in the middle of this mess is my selfish beast, wanting it all MY way.
Some mornings I get bogged down in the muck of my own self-centeredness. But today I was lifted out of this muddy pit and set down on the higher ground of solid humility. Of course, the Holy Spirit within me did the lifting.
Now, the stress and confusion are gone. My only desire is to be hands and feet for God.
Dear Lord, dear Spirit who shares this body of mine, I am yours. These hands are yours, resting on this keyboard. This mind is yours. My heart and soul are yours. Why? Because of love. I love you so much dear Spirit of Jesus. You’ve given me life. You’ve given me purpose. You’ve given me love beyond understanding. Please help me to not waste your gift of love. You came for me… I’m here for you.
Pride is my self-imposed prison. Pride ties me up with strict rules and expectations. Pride wraps me in a straightjacket of stress when things don’t go MY way. Pride pushes my heart, soul, and mind to me, rather than God.
Pride is misery.
Yet Jesus has set me free from my prison. He has opened the door and shown me the path to humility… and love… and others… and our Father. There are still traces of pride clinging to me, but it’s not the prison it once was.
And the Holy Spirit within holds onto me, stopping me from returning to my familiar prison cell. And I’m so grateful.
Recently, several people have asked me for recommendations of good books that may help strengthen their relationship with Jesus. Here are some of my favorite books, which have really helped me:
“The Practice of the Presence of God,” by Brother Lawrence
“Humility,” by Andrew Murray
“Absolute Surrender,” by Andrew Murray
(almost anything by Andrew Murray)
“The Knowledge of the Holy,” by AW Tozer
But what’s helped me more than reading is devoting as much time as I can to praying. While praying, I try to visualize the Holy Spirit within me. It’s taken me a long time to truly believe in the presence of the Spirit of God within me. But now I believe, and that’s more powerful than any book I’ve read. For with the Spirit, I FEEL God’s love, which is far more powerful than just knowing about God’s love.
This morning while praying, it became clear and obvious to me that I too am a wounded Christian. Why else would I sometimes be angry at certain churches and their behavior? My anger has it roots somewhere, and it must be in past wounds.
This morning I was wondering how the Holy Spirit within me feels about all this. Also, how can I let go of my anger?
I suspect God may also get angry at certain church behavior. But God’s anger does not affect His love. Like any good parent, no matter how bad the behavior, God still loves His children. That sense of God’s love for churches that cause me anger actually helps me begin to let go of the anger and take hold of the love. With the Spirit of God within me, He can love through me. I now know that I can feel sincere love for those who had hurt and angered me. For me, it may just take a little more time, to let go of my anger, and take hold of God’s love.
Are you a wounded Christian, carrying scars inflicted by churches or other Christians? Please consider joining the Facebook Group, For Wounded Christians – A Place for Healing, where you can share your feelings, your stories, your healing.
May God bless us all with His overflowing love, which washes away all bad feelings.
By His death on the cross, Jesus saved me from the penalties of my sinful life. By His Spirit living within me, Jesus daily saves me from myself.
The Holy Spirit living within you… it’s not just words in the bible. It’s not just Christian doctrine. It’s truth and it’s life. There is no truth more powerful than that of sharing your mortal life with the immortal Spirit of Jesus Christ, within you.
He’s knocking on the door of your heart. Open up and let Him in. Look inside yourself… He’s there. Feel His love, inside you. The Holy Spirit loves you, from the inside, out. Let His love loose, spilling over your walls and splashing onto nearby souls hungry for love.
One of my strongest desires is for unity within the churches of Jesus Christ. And in the name of unity, today I offer up an appeal to all Christians, and a prayer.
An Appeal
I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. (1)
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (2)
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love. (3)
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. (4)
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (5)
A Prayer
Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name – so that they may be one as we are one. (6)
May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. (7)
I pray … that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. (8)
(9)
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (10)
We were having a brief blog-chat about evangelism. My fellow Christian blogger was afraid that her efforts to introduce her friends to truthful information about Jesus would come across as preachy, and be a turn-off. I’ve experienced similar fears. Instead of pulling people toward Jesus, a preachy approach will often push them away.
Yet God doesn’t want us to be preachy to others. Jesus tells us that people should know we are His disciples by our love for each other, not by our preaching. As He said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”(John 13:34-35)
Long ago, when I told my sister about my realization that I had finally become Christian, she said, “You’re not one of those Jesus freaks, are you?” Well, I didn’t answer her, but inside I answered myself with, YES!
Yet, I think it has surprised my sister that after all these years, I’ve never preached to her. But what I have done is love her more. And it has been in my ever-growing relationship with God where I have learned to truly love.
Where preachiness pushes, love pulls. Love evangelizes far better than preachiness.
Ferguson Missouri. There is pain on all sides. There is suffering on all sides. There is anger scattered throughout. It mixed and boiled over last night.
It makes me sad, to see all the anger. I think it makes God sad too, looking at His children behave this way. But it’s part of who we are; broken, self-centered, childish children of God. Yes, I think God cried last night. Pain may have filled God’s heart, seeing the pain of His children.
What’s the answer? What can our society do as a group to fix what caused the pain and anger in Ferguson? I don’t know. But I know what each of us can do as individuals. Seek a close, intimate relationship with our Father God. In that relationship, we will find peace. And this peace from God can overflow us, and spill onto those around us.
The solution to the Ferguson syndrome comes from God, not man.
In the years I’ve spent on this blog site, surfing other peoples blog sites, and in my life outside the cyber-world, I’ve met many wounded Christians. The wounds come from churches. The wounds may come from other Christians. Or the wounds may come from inside themselves, from false ideas they believe to be true. There is no blame or guilt in all this – it’s just a result of people being normal, broken, sinful & prideful human beings.
I recently stepped out of my boat and ventured into Facebook land. It’s an interesting place. I discovered Facebook groups. I have since been inspired to start a group for wounded Christians. I just hope the inspiration came from God and not me.
This group is for sharing personal stories of suffering and confusion. Sharing stories may help others; by showing them they are not alone. Most importantly, this group is for sharing stories of healing. And this group is about sharing the truth of Jesus Christ. For it is His truth that will answer questions. It is His truth that will heal wounds. It is His truth that will set you free from pain, suffering, confusion, guilt, and many other manmade maladies.
A friend of mine described this Facebook group as “A wonderful group for those of you who love God but have been wounded by His people.”
I sometimes feel lifeless… no energy, worn out from the chaos of this world, just wanting to hide under the covers. I get tired of life. At times like these, I often pick up my bible, along with a cup of strong coffee, and go in search of inspiration, and energy. But I don’t completely find what I’m looking for in the coffee-stained pages of my bible (I sometimes spill).
As Paul said, “He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (2 Corinthians 3:6)
What’s important is NOT bible literacy, but a relationship with the Holy Spirit. It’s in that relationship where I find the inspiration I’m looking for.
For me, the bible is critically important because it led me to the truth of the Holy Spirit. But that’s where the bible stops. From there, the Holy Spirit has taken over and has breathed new energy into my life, new purpose into my life. And I’m so grateful.
MANY years ago, when my first son was a toddler, my wife and I went to a parenting class at our church. Actually, we took turns each week, with one of us staying home with our son. Yet even with just attending sporadically, I learned things that became part of my foundation for how to be a good parent.
I’d now like to teach a parenting class, where we would look at God as our roll model of a truly good parent. Here are some aspects of God’s parenting style that would be helpful for all parents…
Always forgiving
Unconditional love for all His children
No favorites
Gives His all for His children – He even sacrificed His only natural Son for His adopted children.
Always there, willing to listen
He lets His children learn by their own mistakes.
No spoiled brats in God’s family. There are be consequences for bad behavior.
He’s always there to help us with our homework.
He looks out for His children’s future, even if they don’t.
My wife and I shared in a wedding celebration last night. The young man and woman who got married are best friends with my youngest son. They are all part of a “gang” of ex-band “kids” who have known each other since being thrown together in 7th grade band, and many have known each other since kindergarten.
Since graduating from high school over six years ago, the members of the band gang have all gone in different directions. So last night was a reunion. And what stood out for me was the strength of their relationships. As the mother of the groom said to me this morning, love filled that banquet room last night.
This morning, while enjoying the memory of last nights fun, my mind kept going back to the band gang and the power of their lasting friendships. It then occurred to me – life is all about relationships. It’s not about things, or accomplishments. Without meaningful relationships of love, life is meaningless.
And our most important relationship is with God… our relationship that nurtures all the rest.
The doctors had tried to re-start her heart for almost half an hour. They gave up, declared her dead, removed the crash cart from her hospital room, and left her husband to have some final moments with the withered body of his wife. But he wasn’t alone – hospital rules required a nurse remain present.
She stood quietly at the door, watching him as he held his wife’s cooling hand. He didn’t say a word, audibly anyway. He just sat there, looking into his wife’s dead face. I wonder what he was thinking in those moments. Was he angry with the God of his Christian wife, the God he didn’t quite believe in? Or was it love that filled his thoughts; the love that strengthened both of them through the many years together, yet was now drained from her cancer-filled body?
The nurse had others things she should be doing right now, but for some reason she felt like this was the place she needed to be most. The husband sometimes let out a sigh, or sniffed back some tears – but no other sounds were heard. Twenty minutes had passed since the team of doctors gave up and left the room.
Then it happened. The dead wife opened her eyes, looked into her husband’s face, and said, “I love you.” The nurse had a moment of dumb shock. When she gained a bit of control, she headed for the emergency call button.
“No, she’s gone,” the husband said. The nurse checked, and indeed… no pulse.
Such is the power of love. The love of the wife, and the love of God. For God granted the wife one final wish, to go back to her husband and tell him she loves him, one more time. And then she was gone.
And the husband began thinking in new ways about God and Jesus.
After six years of sporadic writing, I finally finished revision 10 of the book I’m working on with God; working title, His Truth Will Set You Free. It seemed to me that rev 10 was final draft quality, so I decided to get copies printed and ask my family to read it. This has been a huge moment for me, since my main reason for writing this book has been to offer the truth of Christianity to people I love who currently do not know Jesus.
Anyway, I now find myself in a very weird place. I feel a bit meaningless. After six years of getting up long before the sun, just so I can get in some writing time before work, it now feels like I have nothing to do with my time. Maybe I’m feeling a bit of temporary post-partum depression, or something like that.
Well, this morning, while sitting in writing limbo, I started re-reading one of my favorite books, The Power of the Spirit, by William Law. Talk about power – Law doesn’t give you a chance to get warmed up. A powerful message of the truth of the Holy Spirit erupts from the very first pages. And he affirmed for me a truth that has kept me writing for six years; anything good that may appear in me, truly comes from the Spirit of God within me. For all good comes from God.
Anything good within the book I’m writing comes from God, not me. I’m just His pen. And I’m so grateful.
My friend Josh just came up to me and said he didn’t get any sleep last night, again. He has a brand new baby daughter – now you see why he got no sleep. He then said, “So today is still yesterday.” I found that tickling and I wanted to share it. And Josh said I could. I hope you have a fun Friday, and weekend. CJ
All of us have a choice for how to respond to Jesus Christ. We can ignore Him, accept Him, or seek Him. We can pretend that He is not who He claimed to be, the Son of God. Or, we can accept His claim as fact, and thereby claim for ourselves the title “Christian.” Or, we can go beyond accepting, and seek an intimate and personal relationship with Jesus.
The purpose for this blog, and the book I’m co-authoring, is to seek and proclaim the truth about Jesus and His church. I hope to help give people a chance to make their own decision about Jesus based on truth, rather than misconceptions.
Look, there are lots of wrong ideas about Jesus and Christianity floating around in this world. I just want to scrape away the dross of deceptions so people can clearly see the truth that lies just below the surface.
Our medium sized town is notorious for traffic problems. My stepfather fell into the traffic pit the other day, just trying to get across town and back to his house. Long lines and long waits at stoplights, crawling from one stoplight to the next – he found himself getting angrier with each stoplight.
He really didn’t like his reaction, so he started praying to Jesus to free him from his anger. As he sat at a stoplight, he sincerely asked Jesus to help him relax. The light would turn green, he’d make it through the intersection, only to hit another wall of traffic waiting for the next stoplight. He’d feel anger creeping up again, so he started praying again, more earnestly than the last time. With each successive long wait at a stoplight, his prayers became more pleading.
Then finally, he made it through the last major intersection that stood between him and home – nothing else stood in his way, except… another stoplight and a long wait. Damn! More prayers for calm and then… SPLAT!
A very large bird dropping – must have been a Mac truck of a bird – right in front of his face on the windshield. He laughed. Was this Gods answer? Well, wherever it came from, it helped dissolve the anger.
Does God answer prayers in funny ways? I think He does.
My stepfather has a great sense of humor and he likes to mess with his children. He’s also an image of God, as we all are. Therefore, his humor is an image of Gods humor. I think our Father God likes to have fun with his children. And I’m grateful.
CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout 