CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout

The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.

Tag Archives: Daily life


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To Church, or Not to Church, That is the Question

“So, where do you go to church?” I use to hate that question. It’s been ten years since I attended the Presbyterian Church in town, and still, I run across people I sat next to in those pews, but haven’t seen since then. We bump into each other in the grocery store or coffee shop, and they always ask, “So CJ, where do you go to church now?”

I always felt awkward replying to the question, for I haven’t attended a regular church since leaving Presby. Oh, in my early days as a de-churched orphan, I test-drove other churches in town, but for reasons I don’t totally understand, I never felt like going back.

So my answer to the question usually starts with, “Well, um, you see. I don’t go to church. Haven’t since leaving Presby.”

My inquisitor usually gets that look, maybe you’ve seen it. Their face fills with concern and fear for my soul. They immediately believe I’ve left Christianity and jumped into the black pit of heathendom.

“However,” I truthfully add, “I feel closer to Jesus and God now than I ever have before.”

The look changes from concern and fear to confusion. How could that be, how could someone find closeness to God and Jesus without attending church? My fellow pew-sitter from the past and I usually part ways, with them still wondering about my soul (I suspect), and me felling I didn’t get my message across.

But now I have a better answer to the question.

Where do I go to church? Well, my Church doesn’t have a name, and there is no building. For me, Church is not a place—it’s a belief. When do I go to church? Whenever I want, and it’s not just Sunday. I go to church every day, any time of the day, whenever I can wrestle my thoughts away from the outside world and look inside, to Jesus within me.

Jesus tells us in the Bible that Church, the one true Church, is wherever His Spirit lives. In the Old Testament times, the Spirit of God resided in the Temple, in the back room called the Holy of Holies. But Jesus changed all that.

As He said, His Spirit now lives within all who believe in Him and believe what He promised. He promised that His Spirit would be IN us, and we IN Him. You’ve heard the phrase, you body is a Temple. So true, if you believe.

Look inside, to the Spirit of Jesus within you, and you will find the one true Church.

 

Here are some of my favorite Bible verses on the subject:

Jesus said, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.” (John 14:23)

He also said, “On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.” (John 14:20)

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? … for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.” (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)

“And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” (Ephesians 2:22)

“But Christ is faithful as a son over God’s house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.” (Hebrews 3:6)

As Jesus said, “Remain in me, and I will remain in you.” (John 15:4)


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Paradise Aflame

Some of us have called it paradise. Why? Well…the weather, the small-feel towns scattered among the rolling hills, the wineries—lots of wineries. And just something you might label “environment.” It’s something that seems to be in the air (pardon the cliché).

Well, right now there’s smoke in the air. And many of the hills, wineries, and towns are now ash and black destruction. Homes that recently purred with lively families are now silent piles of dead ash.

But please believe me, it’s still paradise. Why? Because of the people. The hearts here are the biggest, the best. Firefighters, volunteers giving money, cloths, time, and hugs at evacuation shelters—it’s these people who breathe paradise back into our smoke-filled air.

Yet that’s part of what happens when things like this happen. The best sprouts out of the ash left by the worst, whether fires, hurricanes, earthquakes, whatever.

For those of us who have lived through, and died in, the wild fires of Sonoma County, California—may God bless us all.


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Hell Just Over the Hill

It lurks just over the hill. I don’t see it, but I feel it. We all do.

I look out the kitchen window to the hills less than a mile away. The Beast vomits destruction in the valley on the other side. It sucks in mountains of air to fill its hungry lungs, and blasts out pain, despair, and sometimes death. It has already swallowed much land, spawning shelters full of refugees. It’s hungry for more.

Those brave men and women are over there too, battling with the Beast. From all over they come and fight, often hand-to-hand, trying to save us. At night, while we lie in our beds thinking about everything but sleep, the battle goes on—the Beast never rests. Dear God, please protect the hero’s fighting against the Beast.

Oh, there’s not just one Beast. There are at least five of them out there. But they’re connected somehow—one evil mind, five separate bodies, five times the hunger.

I’m pinned to the ground, helpless, the Beast standing on my chest. Well, that’s how it feels sometimes. It’s heavy—this feeling, this knowing, this sense that at any time the Beast will storm over that hill and fly straight for us. Oh, we’re ready to flee. But to leave everything behind—we’ve been in this house for 32 years. Our sons grew up here. So many memories… gone, left behind. But don’t give up yet.

Maybe 3000 homes lost…so far. More victims, more refugees. It covers us in this blanket of sadness. My stomach feels like I’ve swallowed the pain and fear of the victims and the fighters on the front lines. I swallow my own fear too, almost with every breath—trying to wear a calm face, a helpful face. But I’m full. I feel I can’t swallow any more.

I go to the store, trying to find normal. But you hear it in our voices, as we wait for the Beast to make its next move. And the stench of its rancid breath pouring over the hills makes it hard to find normal.

These Beasts are not alone. There’s more, just over the next hill in Napa, and beyond. The Beast—the fires that devour Sonoma County.

Dear Jesus, please forgive my dread-filled words. The Beast distracts me. But I won’t give up—never will. Time again to ignore the Beast and turn my mind to You. You will guide me through this valley of the shadow of death (sorry to lift those words, but they feel so fitting right now). Jesus, You will give me the strength I need to pull myself out of bed each morning and find ways to make the most of the smoke-filled days. So what do You want me to do today? Where can I go to help others who may have lost their home to the Beast?

I heard that at times like this, it’s helpful to think about things you’re grateful for. Well, dear Jesus, I’m grateful for Your presence in my life. I’m grateful for those moments where you act through me. Enough mourning—let’s go act.


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Trust? I Guess So

Trust is being able to predict and count on another persons response to things that happen. It’s knowing they will be there to hold your hand when a crisis consumes you. It’s knowing they will satisfy their promises and commitments to you. Trust is knowing they will do what you expect and need them to do.

So, whom can I rely on with absolute, pure, undiluted trust? Well, please don’t take this as cynical, but I don’t feel I can trust anyone, not with absolute trust.

Look, as humans we all have weaknesses and flaws. It’s nothing to fret about, it’s just a reality to accept. Our weaknesses and flaws are like pits along the road of our personal journey—sometimes we fall in and can’t get out in time to be there for someone who needs us. Sometimes the pit that holds us back is not a flaw or weakness, but our own personal crisis.

I certainly trust other people. I just accept their human nature and the fact that my trust will not always be supported by their actions. And that’s all okay with me. I try to remember, if someone in my life doesn’t respond as I need them to, as I trust they will, it’s just because they are a flawed human, like me.

Anyway, I then thought about my relationship with God. No flaws. No weaknesses. And His responses to me are predictable as far as my feeble mind can imagine He might respond. I can trust God completely, without any hesitation, and always. And I’m really grateful for that.

How do you feel about trust? What does it mean to you? How does it feel when you can’t trust someone?


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More Than a Battlefield

Do you ever feel like there is an ongoing battle raging within you? Do you feel two sides of your personality fighting it out? Each side has opposite purposes, and each is trying to win control over you—right? Does it feel like those old cartoons, with a little devil on one shoulder and a little angel on the other, each trying to convince you to go their way?

Does it sometime feel like YOU are a battlefield?

I’m listening to an audio version of the book The Screwtape Letters, by CS Lewis. Have you ever read it? Great book. And fun, as well as a bit weird. But it definitely has gotten me thinking. I think I’ve believed in the reality of Satan for as long as I’ve believed in the reality of God. And at times I’ve believe in the battle between the two of them.

But now I’m convinced that I am one of their battlefields. And I’m tired of it. Oh, I know—it’s part of life. Whether we believe or not, the battle rages on. And I think not believing is the most dangerous policy, for it gives the advantage to Satan.

Anyway, I want to see if I can affect the game a bit. I want to be more than just the battlefield. I want to make more of an effort to join the fight, on the side of God.

What do you think about this battle idea?


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Life Without Jesus is a Heart Attack

Everyone deals with stress and anxiety in their own way. And as we all know, there’s plenty of stressful stuff polluting our lives these days. Some people are stronger than others and can deal with stress on their own. I once thought I was one of the strong people. Not anymore.

I now look at some of the crap going on in my life and think, “You know Jesus, if you weren’t here with me right now, I would probably take this stuff too seriously and give myself a heart attack.” One thing Jesus’ presence in my life does for me is, He helps keep my priorities focused on Him, rather than all that meaningless stressful stuff.

How do you handle stress? Alone, or with help?

I thought of this today while reading Philippians: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)


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The Christmas That Lingers

The house is brightly decorated: nutcrackers, wreaths, red ribbons, mistletoe, a goofy looking reindeer made from a sock, memories brought back to life by tree ornaments once made by child hands, and the glistening lights with the colorful ornaments bringing life to the tree. The gifts encircle it all. Cheery wrapping paper and gift bags brighten the floor around the Christmas tree.

And then, all that colorful wrapping ends up in the trash. And the decorations are all packed away, forgotten until next year. The gifts are soon absorbed into our everyday life and just become another possession. Or they are totally forgotten in the back of a drawer, or the top of a dusty shelf.

But there’s one piece of Christmas that lingers. There’s one bright and lively Christmas gift that remains, and is not forgotten.

When all else is packed away or is put on the curb in the trash can, the Spirit of Jesus can still fill the house, and your heart, with His life and love and joy.

Happy Christmas to you – all year long.


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Instead of Looking Forward, Look Inside

Standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, I’m thinking about what I’ll do once I get home. While putting away groceries, I’m thinking about that broken garbage disposal I need to replace – I hate plumbing jobs. And I’ve never installed a garbage disposal. I’ll put that off until tomorrow, though I’m sure I’ll think more about it today.

But my problem is not the garbage disposal, or other chores, or the book I wish I had time to read, or the writing I’d rather be doing. My problem is where my mind tends to live … in the future. Most of the time my mind is thinking about what comes next. My body is in the present, but my mind is somewhere else.

Then this morning it occurred to me: I’m missing out on life. By choosing to let my mind live in the future, it’s leaving behind the true life that is now. It’s like I’m stepping out of reality to live in another dimension of fantasy (sounds like I’m on drugs). This train of thought is quickly becoming a bit deep for me. But I like where it’s taking me.

“Now” is where real people live. Now is where the truth lives. Now is where reality lives. Now is where peace lives, for the future is often full of worry. And most importantly for me, now is where God lives. Now and here within me is where the Spirit of Jesus lives.

When my mind runs to the future, I usually leave Jesus behind. I think that’s a reason I often feel stressed – the future is full of stress, yet I leave the peace of Jesus back in my present.

But I now see more clearly the power of living in the present. When my mind begins to drift off to what comes next, I can remind myself to pull it back and instead focus on this present moment. The tick of the clock. The whistling bird outside. The gentle rain. This blog post I’m writing. The cozy feel of the turtleneck sweater on my neck. And the peaceful feel of the Spirit of Jesus within me.

Where does your mind tend to live? Do you leave behind good times so your mind can focus on uncertain times? If you’re like me, I encourage you to tackle that mind of yours and pull it back to now. And then, instead of looking forward, look inside. That’s where Jesus lives.


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Imagination – It’s Feeding Me – It’s Killing Me

Oh, my imagination helps me in my job, and it often feeds my writing. It’s my minds eye, conjuring up images within my thoughts. Yet it also leads me down paths of worry, and pulls me back into the stress pit.

My imagination hungers for my attention. It often devours hours of time. Precious time which can never be regained, wasted thinking about things that will never happen, or have already happened. What my imagination gives in return is stress.

And my imagination distracts me from Jesus and God. Yet when steered in the right direction, my imagination sees Jesus’ Spirit within me, sharing my life with me.

My imagination – I love it and I hate it. Dear Jesus, please help me keep my minds eye focused on You.


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Stress – It’s an Epidemic… But with a Cure

Stress Time cover

Check out this small sample of statistics from The American Institute of Stress:

  • 44% of Americans feel more stressed than they did 5 years ago
  • 1 in 5 Americans experience “extreme stress”
  • 40% of workers reported their job was very or extremely stressful;

Follow this link (http://www.stress.org/stress-is-killing-you/) to even bleaker statistics on the effects of stress. Or maybe don’t – the data just might add to your stress.

I read somewhere that stress is considered an epidemic in the United States, and probably all over the world. After all, humanity has a talent for creating stress-inducing situations. I sure suffer from it, though not as often and not nearly as intensely as I used to. In fact, feelings of stress are getting rarer for me.

Several months ago I made a decision to escape the stress in my life, without actually escaping life. And I kept a journal of what I learned and felt as I eventually found a way out of the stress pit I had dug for myself. And I’ve turned that journal into a book which I’m giving away for free. (more on that here: Not for the Money).

Now to be perfectly candid, if you don’t think you could ever be open to believing Jesus Christ is who he said he is, then my book won’t help you – you’re on your own in dealing with your stress. But even if your thoughts on Jesus amount to only a mild curiosity, it’s possible this book could lead you to true peace, and freedom from the stress pit that may hold you prisoner.

Now I’m not quite finished with the book – it’s currently at my editor for final fixes. Just a few more weeks and then it will be ready to release. Would you like to check it out? Why not? After all, it’s free. So if you’re interested, sign-up to receive your free pdf copy by clicking on the link below. And then when the book is released, I’ll send you an email with a link to download the book.

And whether you try out this book or not, I wish you the best of luck in your own journey to escape stress.

(Sign up here)


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Stress Sucks – But Life Doesn’t Have to be This Way

Does it sometimes feel like stress is dragging you down into a pit of despair? Are you looking for a way to escape the stress pit? So was I. We’re not alone.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can escape the stress that holds you captive. I have a book that might help, and I’d like to give it to you… for free. The book is only a few weeks away from being finished. When it’s ready, I can send you a free pdf copy.

In this book, titled Oh… Jesus!, you can follow me on my journey to escape the stress pit that I fell into almost every day. Follow me, and you may find a way out of your self-dug stress pit. But know this: you can follow me on my journey, but I’m not the one who will pull you out of your stress pit. Only Jesus can do that. Please, give Him a chance.

Why am I giving this book away for free? Well, the complete answer is within the pages of the book. The brief answer is, because I believe it’s the right thing to do. And it feels good to give something away that just might help someone else. So if you’re looking for a way to escape your own stress pit, follow this link and sign up. When the book is done, I’ll send you an email with a link to go download it.

(Sign up here)

 


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The Question Is…

How do you feel about forgiveness? Is it hard for you too? Is it hard for you to forgive other people? What about yourself – is it hard to forgive your own mistakes? For me, my mistakes can ruin a good day.

Okay, now what about God? How do you feel about His forgiveness of your sins? Do you believe all your sins will be forgiven? Well, all the mistakes you’ve ever made have already been forgiven by God. God’s forgiveness is immediate and unconditional.

So the real question is not about what God’s reaction will be when we make mistakes (His reaction is a given), but what will our reaction be? Knowing about God’s forgiveness is one step; accepting it is a bigger step. That’s where faith comes in.

So let’s say you have the faith to accept God’s forgiveness of every mistake and sin that has infected your life – past and future. What will be your reaction to that vast amount of unconditional forgiveness? God hasn’t asked anything of you, except that you believe in and accept His unconditional gift. God accepts you just as you are. Will you accept Him, and His forgiveness? And by accepting, how will that make you feel? (Okay, I’m trying to lead you down a path to overwhelming gratitude. Please forgive my awkwardness.)

Oh, and when you accept God’s forgiveness, you’ll finally be able to forgive yourself, and others. Isn’t it a bit ironic that one of the biggest burdens in our life can be our lack of ability to forgive? God wants to free each of us of this burden.

Final thought: Our sins were forgiven a long time ago, by Jesus dying on that cross and paying the penalty for all sins. How do you feel about that? (Okay, looking for profound gratitude again.)

 

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)

 


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God is My Laxative

Okay, I know this will sound weird and irreverent. But for me, it illustrates the tangible power of having a close relationship with God. And it tells you how messed up I can be.

Starting the day without God:

My mind is all over the day ahead, but never landing on God. The anticipated day is full of challenges and tension. And that tension rushes right down to my bowels. And then reading the newspaper closes things up real tight, especially with the political circus going on in the US right now.

Starting my day WITH God:

After getting past the morning distractions, my mind finally lands on the Spirit of Jesus, living here within me. And I remember my weak and flawed surrender to Him. Yet He honors my desire and strengthens that surrender, and fortifies my minds hold onto Him. And I feel His presence here within me. And I feel His love and peace. And I feel the hope of His promise to always remain here with me. And my emotions swell with love for Him.

And I feel totally relaxed. You can figure out what happens next.

God – the best way to start the day.


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Chasing Peace – Day 43 – Lesson’s Learned, So Far

I think I’m almost done blogging about this journey of mine to escape stress and find peace. After all, I don’t think it will ever end. But so far, it’s helped remind me of some truths that are crucial to my life, such as…

I need to stop trying so hard. Just relax and let Jesus live through me. His life and energy and His presence within my mind – that’s where true peace comes from. I won’t find peace within any efforts of mine.

And I need to be patient with myself. I’m a flawed person. I’ll frequently stumble on my never-ending journey. I just need to accept this.

Another truth: pure, complete and invincible peace waits for me in heaven, where there is no stress, and no chaos.

But true peace is still available to me now, while I’m stuck in the midst of this messy world. All I need do is surrender my life to the Spirit of Jesus. As I’ve learned, selfishness creates stress, love conquers selfishness, and true love comes from surrendering to Jesus. Therefore, peace comes from surrender.

Trust… that may be the most important thing I can bring on my journey. With unconditional trust in Jesus, He will do the rest and take me home, to peace.

 

← Day 36                    Day 44 →

 


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Chasing Peace – Day 27 – A Wave of Love

This morning God opened my eyes to a truth I’ve long known, but it had faded within the cloud of the noise in my mind.

God created earth. He created light. He created the entire universe. And He created you and me. And this God who created all that exists seems to humble Himself enough to have His Spirit live within wretched little me! Why me? I’m such a messy place for Him to live. Look at all the crap He has to put up with, living within my clogged up and noisy mind, and with my broken and whinny soul. But He’s here!

This morning, the reality of the presence of God within me crashed over me as a wave of pure love. The actual infinite power of God is within me! Oh, I always know this (with my mind), but this morning I felt really aware of it – it is more than a thought, but an intense feeling.

Then my mind flashed upon this journey I’m on – to escape the stress of work and life, and to find true peace. And I thought about going to work today, WITH God who created all that exists!!! The wave of love and gratitude crashed over me again.

And the morning dread that usually churns within my belly as I get ready for work has been replaced with excited anticipation. What will God do today, through me, at work? Maybe He’ll keep me from throwing myself into the stress-pit. Or something bigger?

What might God do through you today? His Spirit lives within you too, if you believe Him and accept Him.

 

← Day 26                    Day 28 →

 


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Chasing Humility and Peace – Day 26

Trying to escape stress, stress of life, mainly stress at work.

I run, but I stumble, and stress tackles me.

So I run to God, to Jesus’ Spirit within me.

Surrender to Jesus and His peace; that’s my soul’s desire.

Yet surrender requires humility, so now I’m running to that.

Then this morning, dark MONDAY morning… something new.

My mind fell into that old stress-pit of brooding over Monday.

Oh how I dread Monday’s.

But then God gave me that “something new,” a new thought.

And I started praying for people at work.

Everyone, especially those who push my buttons and set me ablaze in the stress-inferno.

Praying.

There’s peace in prayer.

There’s compassion in prayer, even for the button-pushers.

Monday doesn’t feel so bad now.

Monday can be exciting, and maybe fun.

For this Monday I go to work with God.

And we will pray for my co-workers.

While in the midst of that stress-pit of work, I’ll pray for the button-pushers.

Dear Jesus, thank you.

Let’s go pray Your grace upon everyone we meet.

And please help me show them Your love and humility.

 

← Day 25                    Day 27 →

 


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Hi Blogging Friend

This blogging thing is weird.

Friends made, not seen.

I notice you when you visit,

when you “like” one of my posts for some reason.

Your familiar postage-stamp image brings me a smile.

Comments help me know you better.

And sometimes I visit your blog home,

and hang out with you for a bit.

I feel we could be friends.

In a way, we are.

But it’s not the same.

It feels hollow; reality is missing.

A friend made, yet not seen.

This blogging thing is weird.

My heart wants more than this.

I think I need a hug.


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Chasing Peace – Day 16

Chasing peace? I now think the truth is that peace is chasing me; always has been. Yesterday, day 16 of my journey to find peace, and peace found me. As I mentioned in my entry for Day 14, I just started re-reading Absolute Surrender, by Andrew Murray. And my eyes, and heart, are opening.

I now see that all along I may have been running away from peace. For my selfish and independent nature always led me away from the idea of surrender, even though my mind has told me for years that I want to surrender. Yet I now believe, with certainty, that true peace only comes from absolute surrender of my life and self to the Spirit of Jesus.

How am I so certain? Well, I surrendered yesterday, for a little while anyway. And I felt absolute peace in the midst of my chaotic world. Oh, my journey hasn’t ended – I don’t think it ever will. For surrender is not just something I can turn on, like a light switch. As I said, I’ve wanted to surrender for years, but I didn’t know how. I’m still not sure. But I think it has to do with love. So my journey continues.

But now that I’ve had a taste of my goal, I’m hungrier than ever.

Dear Jesus, today I surrender all that I am to you, and your love. For it’s your love that conquers my selfish and independent nature. I love you. CJ

 

← Day 14                    Day 17 →

 


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Chasing Peace – Day 12

When you fall in love with someone, you think about them ALL the time. I remember when I fell in love with the young woman who eventually agreed to marry me – I don’t think she ever left my conscious thought. And her constant presence in my mind filled me with joy and excitement. I smiled a lot.

Day 12 on my journey to find peace – I’m a slow and stubborn learner. The truth of lasting peace has been right in front of me. Though it doesn’t feel real and complete to me yet, I feel I’ve known it all along. Peace comes from constantly thinking of Jesus. And the ability to keeping Jesus in my thoughts, and feeling the presence of His Spirit, comes from my love for Him. As my growing love for my wife filled me with joy, my growing love for Jesus fills me with peace.

Yet yesterday, day 12, was just okay. I did feel a few moments of deep peace. And the truth is becoming clearer to my stubborn mind. But now I’m about to step into another Monday. I dread Monday’s.

Why does it feel like knowing the true path to peace doesn’t help me get there? I sometimes feel like there’s a battle going on inside me, especially on Monday’s. Something wants to keep my soul in chaos and my stomach in knots. Why? Maybe that’s where I need to go next on my journey. What do you think?

 

← Day 11                    Day 14 →