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The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.

Tag Archives: Dechurched


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How it Began

“Wake up CJ. The Matrix has you.”

Like Neo in the movie The Matrix, was I living in a world of deception? Neo was an unwitting prisoner in a computer-generated, virtual reality world—the Matrix. While Neo may have suspected something was wrong with his reality, he didn’t know there was another world out there, the real world, beyond the virtual world of his experience. Then Morpheus, another Matrix character, called Neo to wake up to the truth.

About twenty years ago, I first suspected I was living in a human-generated version of Christianity, where though it was put forth as true to what Jesus lived and taught, it wasn’t. I began to sense another Christianity out there, a real Christianity, beyond the Christianity of my experience. And it felt like Morpheus was calling me to wake up to the truth, a truth hidden beneath the graffiti of church history and human nature.

I struggled through those years, trying to understand what I was feeling and why. At first, I didn’t know what to do about my feelings, or how to respond to that imagined Morpheus voice. Then, realizing that “Christianity” and “Christian” are manmade terms subject to human definition and manipulation, I felt a growing desire to know how Jesus would define Christianity. What would Jesus say it means to be a Christian? So, I listened to the voice.

Eventually, a new image seeped into my mind, an image that helped solidify my resolve to search for the truth of Christianity. Picture a Bible resting on a table. The Bible—the collection of historical documents that defines Jesus’ version of Christianity—was compiled a few centuries after Jesus showed us His Christianity. Then, as the centuries ticked by, men added other books.

Where Jesus’ Christianity and what it means to be Christian is defined by God’s word as recorded in the Bible, manmade versions of Christianity are often defined and governed by those manmade rulebooks. Now, looking at that pile of books, where’s Jesus’ Christianity?

Stepping back to take in the bigger picture painted by the Bible, a new question snuck in. Why? Why are we the way we are? Why is there so much evil in the world? Why is life sometimes so difficult? Why is peace with each other, and even with God, sometimes so unattainable? And why is it so hard to believe? Without falling too deeply into philosophical notions, I guess I just wanted to know what life’s all about—the elusive meaning of life.

So much of life felt either meaningless or perilous. I wanted something solid and unchanging to hold onto, a safe place in the midst of this conspiracy-theory-dominated, truth-starved, war-rattled, chaotic world. I was craving meaning and a purpose I could believe in without fear and doubts, and I wasn’t finding that in the church I was attending.

Then it happened, a situation at church. I mean, this was a big deal. It wounded me and left me confused. That’s not true Christianity, is it? I kept asking myself. That can’t be what Jesus has in mind. The episode added to my sense of a false Christianity, a Christianity matrix that had been holding me, and those sitting in the pews next to me, captive.

I have friends who found freedom from similar situations by quitting Christianity. I wasn’t interested in going that far. Instead, I quit that church. I visited other churches around town, yet nothing felt right, and I didn’t know why. The whole experience was disorienting and depressing. I eventually decided to go it alone. However, as I later learned, I was never truly alone.

Soon after becoming a church refugee, I began spending all my spare time searching for the truth about the way of life that Jesus lived and taught, what I call Jesus’ Christianity. I suspected I’d find it somewhere under the false Christianity that held me captive. Something told me it was there, like Morpheus sending me that cryptic message, “Wake up CJ. Manmade Christianity has you.”

Entering the campus of Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland, my wife and I followed the herd of other tourists through Library Square when I looked up to see a large sign saying, “Falsehood flies, and truth comes limping after it,” by Jonathan Swift. Yes, it seems that in our society, falsehoods often prevail far more than truth. What matters most to some people is who said something, rather than the trustworthiness of what they said. For many people, truth is whatever they decide it to be. But remembering that Jonathan Swift quote has fueled my desire to give truth—that is, Jesus’ truth as defined in the Bible—a shoulder to lean on, especially when many people are kicking it in the shins.

As I stepped off on my own journey many years ago, there was a new question loitering in my mind. Jesus had said, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). But, free from what? I suspected there was something more than freedom from wounds and captivity to a manmade Christianity. I suspected there was something else holding me prisoner that I wasn’t aware of … like the matrix.

So, now it’s decision time. Will you stop here and remain captive to a distorted, manmade image of Christianity, a Christianity that may be blinding you to the truth? Or, will you follow me at least a little farther on this journey to uncover the truth? For Matrix fans, this is the blue pill or red pill moment. And like Morpheus said, all I’m offering you is the truth. Nothing more.

(Excerpt from “Beneath the Graffiti: A De-churched Christian’s Search for Christianity.”)

https://www.amazon.com/Beneath-Graffiti-churched-Christians-Christianity-ebook/dp/B0DK7VD71B

NEXT EXCERPT –>


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Did traditional church not work for you?

Many people who end up leaving church started out looking for something, something they perhaps couldn’t find in their traditional church experience. So, they left. Sensing that the Christianity I’d been experiencing was influenced more by man than God, and desiring true Christianity rather than some manmade version, many years ago I left church. Without having to look beyond the Bible, I then stepped off on a journey in search of answers, understanding, and a relationship with God that I couldn’t find while attending church.

It’s been about 18 years since I began my journey. Along the way I wrote a book, “Beneath the Graffiti: A De-churched Christian’s Search for Christianity.” My book is a record of what I found when I peered beneath the accumulated graffiti of the past 2000 years, graffiti painted by church history and human nature—graffiti in the form of manmade rules, doctrines, beliefs, and traditions.

While writing this book, I found the answers and understanding I’d been looking for, I found healing and recovery from my de-churching experience, and I found a relationship with God and Jesus that’s far beyond anything I was looking for. I hope this book will similarly help those who read it.

If you’re curious about the book, please check it out on Amazon. The “Read sample” selection for the Kindle version is generous. For some weird reason, the paperback “Read sample” selection is small—Amazon quirk, I guess.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DK7VD71B

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Are you de-churched?

Did you once attend a Christian church, but don’t anymore?

If so, from one de-churched person to another, you might be interested in this book. Writing it helped me recover from my experience with a manmade version of Christianity. Reading it might do the same for you.

Paperback and ebook are now available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DK7VD71B

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Help for the Hurting

Do you know someone who’s been wounded by an experience with a church or a Christian? Do you know someone who, though a long-time churchgoer, eventually gave up on church, maybe because of a bad experience? And though giving up on church, they didn’t necessarily give up on Jesus? Is this describing you?

Whether this describes you or someone you know, my just-published book, “Beneath the Graffiti: A De-churched Christian’s Search for Christianity,” may help them recover from wounds inflicted by past experiences. It may even help them find new meaning and purpose by revealing to them authentic Christianity, a Christianity they may not have experienced at church, a Christianity that reflects the way of life that Jesus lived and taught.

Paperback and ebook now available on Amazon.

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It’s Sunday Again … and Something’s Missing

The feeling clung to me for many months, maybe more than a year … after I stopped going to church. Guilt, confusion, lots of questions, and a hollowness that rose from my stomach and oozed into my chest. Was I doing the right thing? Staying home on Sunday—no more church? Eventually the feeling faded and I eased into a new Sunday routine.

Over time, I lost that feeling of guilt. I grew closer to God and Jesus than ever before, I think because I was now on my own in my relationship with them—no longer relying on a seminary-trained pastor to help me. And every day is now Sunday, for I worship God on all days. I feel God working in my life, and though life can really suck (especially this year), God’s presence makes all the difference.

But still, something’s missing. I’ve always known what it is. Churches call it fellowship—hanging out with fellow Christians and worshipping God and Jesus in some fashion. At first, I tried to resist, but that feeling lingering in my gut kept nagging me, telling me that fellowship is something Jesus wants me to do.

Yet, the dilemma. I can’t bring myself to go back to a church, and I’ve never felt God enticing me to go back either. I often hang out with friends who still go to church, but they don’t really understand me and my aversion to church.

Finally, yesterday, an idea seeped in. What I was missing, what I really want, is fellowship with other dechurched Christians.

Are you a dechurched Christian? You know, you still believe in and have feelings for Jesus, but you no longer go to a church? I have a question for you. What do you think of this idea:

  • Form your own Dechurched Network, a small group of other dechurched Christians.
  • Periodically, maybe even on Sunday’s, you get together and worship God and Jesus. Of course, these days your get-together might be over Zoom or spaced out a safe distance in someone’s back yard.
  • Worship can take any form you want. I think the only important thing is that we glorify God and Jesus in our time together. Doesn’t have to be elaborate. Leave the ceremony at the church. Jesus kept things simple—so can we.

Many years ago I started a Facebook Group called “Dechurched—A Place For Wounded Christians,” (https://www.facebook.com/groups/ForWoundedChristians ). Maybe that group could be a resource for your little network. Or you could form your own Facebook group.

Well, in any case, I hope to use the “Dechurched” Facebook group to promote this idea of forming small groups of dechurched Christians so they can “fellowship” and worship God together.

Again, what do you think of this idea? And thanks.


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A DeChurched Christian Searching for Christianity

I hung in there for as long as I could. Eventually, the hypocrisy was too much for me. The behavior felt so un-Christian. Just normal, natural human behavior, as ugly as that can sometimes be.

I prayed … a lot. I asked God if He wanted me to stay. Maybe I could do something that might help the deteriorating situation. I wrote a letter to the board of elders, the Session, as they called it. I’m not sure if the idea was God’s or mine, but I took a lot of time with that letter, praying my way through it, even including some Bible quotes from Jesus. No response. No visible result. I prayed some more. But no clear direction.

So I left that church behind. As I walked away, I carried with me questions, the most all-encompassing question being: if what I saw at that church isn’t true Christianity, what is? I may have given up on church, but I wasn’t about to give up on Jesus.

Have you had a similar experience? Do you have similar questions?


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The Spirit Speaks – of Being Churchless at Christmas

Are you newly dechurched? Have you decided that the institutional church isn’t for you, at least for now? And will this Christmas be the first one in a long time where you will not be celebrating with a church? Or is this just one more year of a churchless Christmas?

However your answers make you feel, I, the Spirit of Jesus Christ, wish no guilt be upon you. I know what you’re going through. And it’s okay.

If you can’t bring yourself to enter a church during this annual time of celebration, then bring yourself to enter into me. If you can’t walk through the doors of the church sanctuary, then walk through the door of the sanctuary of your heart. That’s where I worship. Join me within the depths of your heart this Christmas, and we will worship and celebrate together.


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The Spirit Speaks – of the One Greater than the Church

I, the Spirit of Jesus Christ, see the turmoil in my Church. I see the division and the politics. I see the dysfunctional collection of dissimilar churches. I see those children who are pushed out. And I see those who run away.

My children abandon churches for many reasons. Some are escaping behaviors that don’t make sense to them; things that don’t seem “Christian.” Yet this is the nature of church, for the church family members are all typical broken and flawed people. As sin is a part of human nature, you will find the fruits of sin wherever there are people.

This may seem like a dilemma; how can you have a Christ-filled church when it’s full of sin-filled people? As in everything in life, the answer to this question is to look away from the manmade weaknesses of church, and look to me. For I am greater than the church. Problems flourish when people forget it’s not church traditions that rule, but that I am Lord of the Sabbath.

To those who leave and those who stay, look to me, the One greater than the Church. As I said, “I tell you that one greater than the temple is here. For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath.” (Matthew 12:6,8)


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We Are The Church!

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I belong to several Facebook groups for Christians who no longer attend a church. We each have our own reasons for leaving what some call the “Institutional Church.” But this morning I was thinking about what we do in these groups. We share experiences, we share inspiration, we share our struggles, and we share support and encouragement. But what I think most of it boils down to is this – as a group, we praise and worship God and Jesus.
And then it struck me: We Are The Church! Each Facebook group is a type of church. And by “church” I mean God’s definition of church, which I believe is the collection of Spirit-filled believers. So though we’ve left the institutional church, I think we’re still in the true church.
What do you think?


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The Spirit Speaks – of Dechurched Christians Living in Fear

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I, the Spirit of Jesus Christ, see many of God’s children living in fear of judgment. Oh, they don’t fear my judgment; they fear the judgment of other Christians. Dechurched Christians, those who no longer attend a church yet still believe, fear the judgment of churchgoing Christians.

There are two victims in this: those who are judged, and those who do the judging. But my plan for my church and my children does not include judgment and guilt. Look, I don’t judge dechurched Christians because they no longer attend church. And I don’t judge churchgoing Christians who may have a hard time understanding and accepting dechurched Christians.

What’s most important to me is where your heart is, not where you’re sitting on Sunday morning. My desire for all of you is the same: that you have a personal and intimate relationship with me, Jesus Christ. Your relationship with me is more important than your relationship with a church.


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The Spirit Speaks – of Relationship with a Church vs. Him

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I, the Spirit of Jesus Christ, was browsing Facebook yesterday (yes, I cruise Facebook, even through your eyes). I was reading comments on a Group page for Christians who no longer attend church. Some call these people “dechurched” Christians.

I am sad, but not surprised. Not only because these people don’t go to church, but because of their personal feelings of guilt and shame. You see, some dechurched Christians feel so badly about no longer going to church that they don’t use their real names in the Facebook groups. They fear the judgment and potential wrath of church-going friends and family who may discover they no longer go to church.

Are you a dechurched Christian? Or are you devoted to a church and know a dechurched Christian, maybe a close friend or even a spouse? My desire for all of you is the same: that you have a personal and intimate relationship with me, Jesus Christ. For your relationship with me is more important than your relationship with a church. And your love for me and each other is also more important than your love of a church.

And know this: I won’t judge you by where you go, or don’t go, on Sunday morning.


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Church for the Dechurched

Dechurched

Are you a dechurched Christian? I am. Survey’s show that there are millions of us American adults who once were active in a church, but attend no more. We are called the “dechurched.”

Yet there is a church for us. Though I don’t attend church on Sundays, every day can be a church day. Every day can be a day with God.

Jesus founded the church and then passed it onto the apostles. The apostle Paul defined the new church as follows: referring to Jesus, Paul declared, “And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” (Ephesians 1:22-23, emphasis added)

The church is the collection of believers in which the Holy Spirit of Jesus lives… the body of Jesus Christ. As Paul also said, “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? … for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple.” (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)

Church is not a building or manmade organization. Intimate and quiet time with the Spirit of God within you is what real church is about. As long as we look to the Spirit within us, we are not “dechurched.” We ARE the church.


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Are You a De-Churched Christian?

I’m a de-churched Christian. I’ve been reading the book “Churchless,” which contains lots of research data the Barna Group has collected about the various aspects of Christianity. Did you know there are about 18 million born-again Christians who no longer attend a church? The Barna study calls these people “de-churched.” It felt weird when I realized I’m one of the 18 million.

I haven’t attended church for almost five years. And what adds to the weirdness is, I can’t clearly tell you why. Oh, I could come up with surface answers easily enough. But none of them feel to me like they are the real, deep down reason I don’t go to church. And I want to know why.

It occurred to me; maybe some of these 18 million de-churched born-again Christians hang out online somewhere. So please help me if you know of any such hang-outs. Are there any Facebook groups? What other sites might the de-churched like to visit? Are there blogs for the de-churched?

My hope is that maybe by connecting with other de-churched people, I might learn why I have no desire to attend church. And if you too are a de-churched Christian, please share some of your story. It may help me, and it may help others. Thank you.