By reading my complaints about my flawed humanity in many of my blog posts, you might think I’m a miserable person. Well, I’m not.
It seems that most of the time, my life is dominated by my relationship with God, Jesus, and their Spirit who shares my life with me. By the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life, I have found true meaning, peace, excitement, and love. Life has never been better.
Yet I’m grateful for the flaws of my human nature: my pride and selfishness, my anxiety and worry, my anger, my natural temptations. For whenever my flaws capture my present, they remind me of how much I need God. Yes, my flaws may make me miserable while in the midst of them. But God has taught me to use my flaws, to steer my mind back to Him. And I’m grateful.
This writing gig gets me all confused and stressed out. To self-publish my book, or chase after a traditional publisher? To try to lure an agent, or not? Should I even bother trying to publish? How to attract followers to this blog? How to increase page hits? Should I even bother trying to attract followers, or instead focus on a simpler motive for writing blog posts?
Today is a typical morning for me; my mind is a jumble of random thoughts and questions, all in search of a purpose and direction. And in the middle of this mess is my selfish beast, wanting it all MY way.
Some mornings I get bogged down in the muck of my own self-centeredness. But today I was lifted out of this muddy pit and set down on the higher ground of solid humility. Of course, the Holy Spirit within me did the lifting.
Now, the stress and confusion are gone. My only desire is to be hands and feet for God.
Dear Lord, dear Spirit who shares this body of mine, I am yours. These hands are yours, resting on this keyboard. This mind is yours. My heart and soul are yours. Why? Because of love. I love you so much dear Spirit of Jesus. You’ve given me life. You’ve given me purpose. You’ve given me love beyond understanding. Please help me to not waste your gift of love. You came for me… I’m here for you.
Pride is my self-imposed prison. Pride ties me up with strict rules and expectations. Pride wraps me in a straightjacket of stress when things don’t go MY way. Pride pushes my heart, soul, and mind to me, rather than God.
Pride is misery.
Yet Jesus has set me free from my prison. He has opened the door and shown me the path to humility… and love… and others… and our Father. There are still traces of pride clinging to me, but it’s not the prison it once was.
And the Holy Spirit within holds onto me, stopping me from returning to my familiar prison cell. And I’m so grateful.
Recently, several people have asked me for recommendations of good books that may help strengthen their relationship with Jesus. Here are some of my favorite books, which have really helped me:
“The Practice of the Presence of God,” by Brother Lawrence
“Humility,” by Andrew Murray
“Absolute Surrender,” by Andrew Murray
(almost anything by Andrew Murray)
“The Knowledge of the Holy,” by AW Tozer
But what’s helped me more than reading is devoting as much time as I can to praying. While praying, I try to visualize the Holy Spirit within me. It’s taken me a long time to truly believe in the presence of the Spirit of God within me. But now I believe, and that’s more powerful than any book I’ve read. For with the Spirit, I FEEL God’s love, which is far more powerful than just knowing about God’s love.
This morning while praying, it became clear and obvious to me that I too am a wounded Christian. Why else would I sometimes be angry at certain churches and their behavior? My anger has it roots somewhere, and it must be in past wounds.
This morning I was wondering how the Holy Spirit within me feels about all this. Also, how can I let go of my anger?
I suspect God may also get angry at certain church behavior. But God’s anger does not affect His love. Like any good parent, no matter how bad the behavior, God still loves His children. That sense of God’s love for churches that cause me anger actually helps me begin to let go of the anger and take hold of the love. With the Spirit of God within me, He can love through me. I now know that I can feel sincere love for those who had hurt and angered me. For me, it may just take a little more time, to let go of my anger, and take hold of God’s love.
Are you a wounded Christian, carrying scars inflicted by churches or other Christians? Please consider joining the Facebook Group, For Wounded Christians – A Place for Healing, where you can share your feelings, your stories, your healing.
May God bless us all with His overflowing love, which washes away all bad feelings.
I have read the bible many times, especially the New Testament. I’ve read great books by Andrew Murray, William Law, and A.W. Tozer. I’ve read sermons and devotionals by Charles Spurgeon. And then there’s “The Practice of the Presence of God,” by Brother Lawrence – my most well-worn non-bible book. All of my studying has helped me develop a close relationship with God, or so it appears.
Is diligent study really the secret to an intimate relationship with God and Jesus? I don’t think so, because based on what Jesus said and how He lived, it doesn’t make sense.
What came into my mind as I puzzled over this was what Paul frequently mentioned about faith, hope, and love. As he said, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)
A relationship with God obviously starts with faith. But it’s love that makes that relationship grow. Though study may help, in my case anyway, without love the study is meaningless.
Reading about food will not ease your hunger. Are you hungry for closeness with God? Then love Him. Let His Spirit into your life. Taste His presence in your soul. And you will be filled, to overflowing.
By His death on the cross, Jesus saved me from the penalties of my sinful life. By His Spirit living within me, Jesus daily saves me from myself.
The Holy Spirit living within you… it’s not just words in the bible. It’s not just Christian doctrine. It’s truth and it’s life. There is no truth more powerful than that of sharing your mortal life with the immortal Spirit of Jesus Christ, within you.
He’s knocking on the door of your heart. Open up and let Him in. Look inside yourself… He’s there. Feel His love, inside you. The Holy Spirit loves you, from the inside, out. Let His love loose, spilling over your walls and splashing onto nearby souls hungry for love.
We were having a brief blog-chat about evangelism. My fellow Christian blogger was afraid that her efforts to introduce her friends to truthful information about Jesus would come across as preachy, and be a turn-off. I’ve experienced similar fears. Instead of pulling people toward Jesus, a preachy approach will often push them away.
Yet God doesn’t want us to be preachy to others. Jesus tells us that people should know we are His disciples by our love for each other, not by our preaching. As He said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”(John 13:34-35)
Long ago, when I told my sister about my realization that I had finally become Christian, she said, “You’re not one of those Jesus freaks, are you?” Well, I didn’t answer her, but inside I answered myself with, YES!
Yet, I think it has surprised my sister that after all these years, I’ve never preached to her. But what I have done is love her more. And it has been in my ever-growing relationship with God where I have learned to truly love.
Where preachiness pushes, love pulls. Love evangelizes far better than preachiness.
I’ve noticed while reading my Jesus Calling devotional lately, that over the past few days the topic has been thankfulness. No coincidence by Sarah Young, with the US Thanksgiving holiday during the end of November. So this morning, while chatting/praying with Jesus, I said thanks for the many things I’m grateful for.
My wife, my sons, my daughter in law, my youngest son’s terrific girlfriend of many years (someday they’ll get married), my sisters and brothers, nieces and nephews, mom and stepfather, all my family, and all my friends. I’m so grateful for all these relationships.
As I gave Jesus thanks for each of these people in my life, I was almost ashamed that the last relationship to come to mind is my relationship with Him. Without Jesus in my life, all my other relationships would be flawed and frail.
Jesus adds sugar to my relationships. He gives me energy, compassion, and sincere love for the people in my life. It just occurred to me… if you have relationships that are suffering; maybe first nurture your relationship with Jesus. He will then help you heal and strengthen your other relationships.
Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving, no matter where on this earthly home you live.
MANY years ago, when my first son was a toddler, my wife and I went to a parenting class at our church. Actually, we took turns each week, with one of us staying home with our son. Yet even with just attending sporadically, I learned things that became part of my foundation for how to be a good parent.
I’d now like to teach a parenting class, where we would look at God as our roll model of a truly good parent. Here are some aspects of God’s parenting style that would be helpful for all parents…
Always forgiving
Unconditional love for all His children
No favorites
Gives His all for His children – He even sacrificed His only natural Son for His adopted children.
Always there, willing to listen
He lets His children learn by their own mistakes.
No spoiled brats in God’s family. There are be consequences for bad behavior.
He’s always there to help us with our homework.
He looks out for His children’s future, even if they don’t.
About five years ago I wrote a post about my dad’s experience when he decided to join the Catholic Church of my stepmother. He first had to sign some Catholic documents resulting in the annulment of his marriage to my mom. From what I heard, the church had to erase the sin of his divorce before they would accept him into the church.
I admit I was a bit upset by the episode and I wasn’t very kind to the Catholic Church in the words I posted. Over the years, many people have commented on that post, and it’s clear that I caused them pain. Another such comment showed up today. And I’ve finally come to realize that it’s time I apologize.
So to all Catholics, I sincerely apologize for my harsh words of five years ago.
All I was trying to do was testify to the truth of Jesus. And the truth is, Jesus forgave my father’s sin of divorce. More than forgive, Jesus and God have effectively forgotten my father’s divorce.
As God said, “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12)
And as Paul said in his definition of love, “Love … keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:5) As God is love, God keeps no record of wrongs.
Forgive and forget. What a great way to live, for all of us. It’s just not easy.
My wife and I shared in a wedding celebration last night. The young man and woman who got married are best friends with my youngest son. They are all part of a “gang” of ex-band “kids” who have known each other since being thrown together in 7th grade band, and many have known each other since kindergarten.
Since graduating from high school over six years ago, the members of the band gang have all gone in different directions. So last night was a reunion. And what stood out for me was the strength of their relationships. As the mother of the groom said to me this morning, love filled that banquet room last night.
This morning, while enjoying the memory of last nights fun, my mind kept going back to the band gang and the power of their lasting friendships. It then occurred to me – life is all about relationships. It’s not about things, or accomplishments. Without meaningful relationships of love, life is meaningless.
And our most important relationship is with God… our relationship that nurtures all the rest.
The doctors had tried to re-start her heart for almost half an hour. They gave up, declared her dead, removed the crash cart from her hospital room, and left her husband to have some final moments with the withered body of his wife. But he wasn’t alone – hospital rules required a nurse remain present.
She stood quietly at the door, watching him as he held his wife’s cooling hand. He didn’t say a word, audibly anyway. He just sat there, looking into his wife’s dead face. I wonder what he was thinking in those moments. Was he angry with the God of his Christian wife, the God he didn’t quite believe in? Or was it love that filled his thoughts; the love that strengthened both of them through the many years together, yet was now drained from her cancer-filled body?
The nurse had others things she should be doing right now, but for some reason she felt like this was the place she needed to be most. The husband sometimes let out a sigh, or sniffed back some tears – but no other sounds were heard. Twenty minutes had passed since the team of doctors gave up and left the room.
Then it happened. The dead wife opened her eyes, looked into her husband’s face, and said, “I love you.” The nurse had a moment of dumb shock. When she gained a bit of control, she headed for the emergency call button.
“No, she’s gone,” the husband said. The nurse checked, and indeed… no pulse.
Such is the power of love. The love of the wife, and the love of God. For God granted the wife one final wish, to go back to her husband and tell him she loves him, one more time. And then she was gone.
And the husband began thinking in new ways about God and Jesus.
My friend Josh just came up to me and said he didn’t get any sleep last night, again. He has a brand new baby daughter – now you see why he got no sleep. He then said, “So today is still yesterday.” I found that tickling and I wanted to share it. And Josh said I could. I hope you have a fun Friday, and weekend. CJ
I have two adult sons, whom I love so much it almost hurts. What’s up with that? Look, it hurts because I miss them… always. My wife and I raised them to be honorable men, filled with love and integrity, with the strength and independence to take care of their own lives. And that’s just who they are.
One of the purposes of being a parent is to raise our kids to take care of themselves. And for some of us, it’s hard to let go as we gently usher them out the door. I’m so proud of my sons and how they are living their lives. Yet I just wish I could see them more often. I wish I could always be with them, sharing their lives with them.
You know what? Your Father God feels the same way about you. Our Father loves you so much I suspect it sometimes hurts. He wants to be with you, sharing your life with you. Yes, like me and how I feel about my sons, God wants us to have the honor, integrity, and strength to take care of ourselves. But He doesn’t want us to do it alone. Our heavenly Dad loves you as only a parent can.
My adopted brother turned his back on my parents, ran away from home, and spent most of his life in prison. Yet even with all their pain and suffering, my parents never stopped loving their lost son. But their love for my half-bother is only a faded image of Gods love for His children.
To know true love is to know the nature of God. The primary trait of Gods character is love, for as John said, “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.” (1 John 4:16).
Love is so much a part of God and God so loves, that He and love are the same. Love is not a description of God – God is a description of love.
Applying God to Paul’s picture of love in chapter 13 of his first letter to the Corinthians, we have a vivid portrait of the true character of God…
“God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. God is not rude, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, paraphrase)
I discovered something this morning. Many years ago, when I started reading the bible, I was first perplexed with Jesus’ call to love our enemies. I didn’t like the idea. I think over the years my heart has softened a bit, and I do find it easier to feel compassion for my enemies (I like to see that as a form of love). Yet I still struggle.
Anyway, what first perplexed me, later amazed me when I realized that Jesus isn’t asking us to do anything He and God are not willing to do. God loves His enemies.
Then this morning it hit me – I was once God’s enemy. Somewhere around the time when I waffled between atheist and agnostic, without getting into details of what I remember about my life at that time, I’m certain I was an enemy of God. Yet He loved me, even then.
I now believe that the power of God’s love of me slowly melted my hard heart, to where I now love Him. God’s love melts down barriers. WOW! I love it when He amazes me. God is so much fun.
I hope you all have a great day. And remember, God loves you, no matter how you feel about Him.
I came across a blog post that asks; if my blog site could hand out treats, what would it be? I’d like to hand out hugs; nice, warm, sincere, compassionate, and gentle hugs. There is power in a gentle touch.
In the gospel of Luke, there is a story about a man suffering from leprosy. “While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.’” (Luke 5:12)
Who knows how long he had the disease, but we know those stricken with leprosy were outcasts. Everyone avoided them. So this man, covered with the soars of the nerve-killing illness, had not touched or been touched by another human being for possibly many years. No one had hugged him, no hand had touched his, and no arm had gone around his shoulders in a moment of comfort – until Jesus came along.
“Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean,” he said to Jesus. The man had the faith, yet his sense of kindness in others had been lost in the years of isolation. He doubted not Jesus’ ability, only His willingness to be kind. It had been that long since this man had felt compassion from another. What did Jesus do next? We know from other stories that He could have healed him right off. Yet Jesus did something better. He first gave the man what he needed most. Out of love and compassion, “Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.” (verse 13) For the first time in perhaps years, another person reached out and touched this lonely, leprous human being.
In the midst of the emotion that may have begun to swell within the man, Jesus then said, “I am willing. Be clean.” And the leprosy left him.
So now I’d like to give you a virtual hug … nope, just doesn’t cute it. Oh well. I hope you have a great Halloween Friday.
CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout 