CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout

The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.


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Power of Love

power of love

 

True Story…

The doctors had tried to re-start her heart for almost half an hour. They gave up, declared her dead, removed the crash cart from her hospital room, and left her husband to have some final moments with the withered body of his wife. But he wasn’t alone – hospital rules required a nurse remain present.

She stood quietly at the door, watching him as he held his wife’s cooling hand. He didn’t say a word, audibly anyway. He just sat there, looking into his wife’s dead face. I wonder what he was thinking in those moments. Was he angry with the God of his Christian wife, the God he didn’t quite believe in? Or was it love that filled his thoughts; the love that strengthened both of them through the many years together, yet was now drained from her cancer-filled body?

The nurse had others things she should be doing right now, but for some reason she felt like this was the place she needed to be most. The husband sometimes let out a sigh, or sniffed back some tears – but no other sounds were heard. Twenty minutes had passed since the team of doctors gave up and left the room.

Then it happened. The dead wife opened her eyes, looked into her husband’s face, and said, “I love you.” The nurse had a moment of dumb shock. When she gained a bit of control, she headed for the emergency call button.

“No, she’s gone,” the husband said. The nurse checked, and indeed… no pulse.

Such is the power of love. The love of the wife, and the love of God. For God granted the wife one final wish, to go back to her husband and tell him she loves him, one more time. And then she was gone.

And the husband began thinking in new ways about God and Jesus.

(I stress again, this is a true story.)


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Writing Limbo

writing limbo

After six years of sporadic writing, I finally finished revision 10 of the book I’m working on with God; working title, His Truth Will Set You Free. It seemed to me that rev 10 was final draft quality, so I decided to get copies printed and ask my family to read it. This has been a huge moment for me, since my main reason for writing this book has been to offer the truth of Christianity to people I love who currently do not know Jesus.

Anyway, I now find myself in a very weird place. I feel a bit meaningless. After six years of getting up long before the sun, just so I can get in some writing time before work, it now feels like I have nothing to do with my time. Maybe I’m feeling a bit of temporary post-partum depression, or something like that.

Well, this morning, while sitting in writing limbo, I started re-reading one of my favorite books, The Power of the Spirit, by William Law. Talk about power – Law doesn’t give you a chance to get warmed up. A powerful message of the truth of the Holy Spirit erupts from the very first pages. And he affirmed for me a truth that has kept me writing for six years; anything good that may appear in me, truly comes from the Spirit of God within me. For all good comes from God.

Anything good within the book I’m writing comes from God, not me. I’m just His pen. And I’m so grateful.


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Today is still yesterday

Just a silly thought for some Friday fun…

My friend Josh just came up to me and said he didn’t get any sleep last night, again. He has a brand new baby daughter – now you see why he got no sleep. He then said, “So today is still yesterday.” I found that tickling and I wanted to share it. And Josh said I could. I hope you have a fun Friday, and weekend. CJ


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Was it Gods sense of humor?

God humor

Our medium sized town is notorious for traffic problems. My stepfather fell into the traffic pit the other day, just trying to get across town and back to his house. Long lines and long waits at stoplights, crawling from one stoplight to the next – he found himself getting angrier with each stoplight.

He really didn’t like his reaction, so he started praying to Jesus to free him from his anger. As he sat at a stoplight, he sincerely asked Jesus to help him relax. The light would turn green, he’d make it through the intersection, only to hit another wall of traffic waiting for the next stoplight. He’d feel anger creeping up again, so he started praying again, more earnestly than the last time. With each successive long wait at a stoplight, his prayers became more pleading.

Then finally, he made it through the last major intersection that stood between him and home – nothing else stood in his way, except… another stoplight and a long wait. Damn! More prayers for calm and then… SPLAT!

A very large bird dropping – must have been a Mac truck of a bird – right in front of his face on the windshield. He laughed. Was this Gods answer? Well, wherever it came from, it helped dissolve the anger.

Does God answer prayers in funny ways? I think He does.

My stepfather has a great sense of humor and he likes to mess with his children. He’s also an image of God, as we all are. Therefore, his humor is an image of Gods humor. I think our Father God likes to have fun with his children. And I’m grateful.


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A Hug for Halloween

hugs

I came across a blog post that asks; if my blog site could hand out treats, what would it be? I’d like to hand out hugs; nice, warm, sincere, compassionate, and gentle hugs. There is power in a gentle touch.

In the gospel of Luke, there is a story about a man suffering from leprosy. “While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.’” (Luke 5:12)

Who knows how long he had the disease, but we know those stricken with leprosy were outcasts. Everyone avoided them. So this man, covered with the soars of the nerve-killing illness, had not touched or been touched by another human being for possibly many years. No one had hugged him, no hand had touched his, and no arm had gone around his shoulders in a moment of comfort – until Jesus came along.

“Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean,” he said to Jesus. The man had the faith, yet his sense of kindness in others had been lost in the years of isolation. He doubted not Jesus’ ability, only His willingness to be kind. It had been that long since this man had felt compassion from another. What did Jesus do next? We know from other stories that He could have healed him right off. Yet Jesus did something better. He first gave the man what he needed most. Out of love and compassion, “Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.” (verse 13) For the first time in perhaps years, another person reached out and touched this lonely, leprous human being.

In the midst of the emotion that may have begun to swell within the man, Jesus then said, “I am willing. Be clean.” And the leprosy left him.

 

So now I’d like to give you a virtual hug … nope, just doesn’t cute it. Oh well. I hope you have a great Halloween Friday.


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Empty and Ready for More

Yesterday I finished rev 10 of the book I’m writing. And like most times when I finish a revision, I feel weird. This morning I feel this question pestering my mind: “Okay, what do I do now?”

But I also felt like I’m at a place of emptiness with God. I don’t mean negative emptiness. I mean good emptiness, like an empty jar ready to have something new poured into me. I like this feeling, just sitting here, opening my heart to God, waiting for Him to fill me with the next thing He wants me to do. It’s actually a little scary, but, “Dear Lord, bring it on.”


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I Forgot to Trust

Forgot to trust

 

I’ve been feeling really funky the past few days. Our recent long weekend away gave me a break from writing. But it also felt like I had taken a break from God. Not a total break, but with all the activity going on during our brief trip, it was hard for me to focus on God. It felt like the distance between us grew.

So after getting back home, back to work, and back to my writing, I set my sights on God… the Holy Spirit within me. Yet, though I got my focus back on God, I still felt funky. Work was stressful. The writing was hard. My best writing comes when I relax and let the Holy Spirit take my hands and write through me. Though I felt His presence, I didn’t feel His hands on mine. I didn’t feel Him directing my words and actions. It sucked.

Then last night it hit me. I had forgotten to truly trust God. It only took the few days of our long weekend trip for me to forget what it feels like to really trust God, to trust Him with not only my writing, but with my entire day.

Trusting God is so peaceful. I don’t have to worry about what I’m going to say or do. God will take care of that. I just sit back and let Him direct my life, and my hands as I type.

Dear Lord, thank you for reminding me to trust you. And thank you for being here within me, having the patience to wait for me to come around to you. I learn so slowly, and I seem to need the same lessons repeated – thanks for not giving up on me, always waiting for me to turn back to you.


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When God goes Quiet

God quiet

There have been times in my past, where God seemed to go quiet, where I had no sense of His presence in my life. Those are the worst of times.

I now realize that when God went quiet, that was when I sought Him more earnestly. Maybe God goes quiet in my life on purpose. Because every time that happens, and every time I seek Him more earnestly, He seems to come back into my life more fully, and He always feels closer than before. The quiet times are always followed by stronger times, where our relationship feels more solid and certain.

My sense is that God is coaching me along in our relationship, in a personalized way that He knows will work with me. He may interact differently with you.

It seems like it’s been a long time since God felt quiet in my life. I’m now at a point where I cannot imagine living without a sense of His presence. I’ve come to rely on God so much that I can’t handle living without Him. I now feel like He will never go quiet again. And I’m so grateful. Thank you Lord.


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Living in the Future

living in the future

I live too much in the future. My mind spends too much time imagining where I would like to be someday and what I would like to be doing. Or, I rehearse a confrontation with someone at work, a confrontation that will likely never happen. I’ve noticed I spend a lot of time rehearsing future interactions with people. And almost all of those never take place.

Yesterday my mind left work, which has been miserable lately, and went on one of its trips to fantasyland, to my dream job somewhere in the future. Maybe my mind was trying to escape the junk that was going on at work. But I didn’t escape the stress. I brought the stress right along with me. And I noticed that thinking about what I don’t have – my dream job – added to my sense of stress.

Then this thought hit me (which I certainly believe came from God)… instead of thinking about what I don’t have, think about what I DO have. What do I have? I have the constant presence of the Holy Spirit of God and Jesus within me. And I had a great day yesterday, frequently turning my mind toward what I do have.

So I’m trying to start this morning by keeping my mind in the present, on what I do have – my constant companion. And no matter where my mind might wander during the day, I know He will be waiting for me to come back to Him. And I’m so grateful. Thank you Lord.


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Writing for Love of Family

writing love

Most of my family isn’t Christian. I’m the family Jesus freak. Whenever a sister, niece, nephew, or in-law is brave enough to mention anything Christian around me, it’s clear their perspective of Christianity has been polluted by false information.

That’s why I’m writing the book I’ve been working on for the past 6 years. I just realized that I spent the first 4 ½ years doing research. It’s only the past 1 ½ years that I’ve been doing real writing.

Anyway, what gets me up at 4:00am each morning so I can write before going to work is love for my family. It hurts me to see some of them hurting because of the false ideas they have about God and Jesus. If they only knew the truth… they still might not accept Jesus, but at least they could make their decision based on truth, rather than lies.

And so I write, with the hope that I put my “self” aside long enough to let Jesus speak His truth to my family, through the book. His truth can set them free from the pain of the troubles in their lives.


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The Final Draft

final draft

When will I ever be finished with the book I’m writing? Which revision will be the final draft? I’m working on rev 9, and I know for sure there will be a rev 10. I recently wrote about my anguish and impatience (see it here). Since I’m a tinkerer, I sometimes fear that I will never be finished, that I will keep tweaking the book, always looking for ways to make it better. In the engineering world of which I work, there is a saying: there comes a time in every project to shoot the designer and release the product. Am I going to have to shoot myself in order to settle for a final draft?

This morning I found myself praying about trusting God. And this is what came into my mind: I don’t have to worry about the final draft. Since in my effort to write this book all I’m trying to do is be Gods pen, with Him the author, the final draft is up to Him. He will decide which draft is final, and He will make it clear to me. In fact, He already has. All I have to do is trust Him. And I do. Thank you Lord.


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Heaven is for Real?

I watched the movie, “Heaven is for Real” last night. I had read the book, but that was a few years ago. What hit me in the face from the movie was the struggle the pastor dad went through… his struggle when faced with compelling evidence for the existence of heaven. Such evidence can really have you questioning your faith, for you would then need to decide whether to accept or reject the evidence – which is to accept or reject everything you believe about God.

After the movie, I started questioning my own beliefs. If faced with similar evidence, how would I react? Is my faith strong enough to excitedly accept such evidence? I think so, but I don’t feel safe in assuming so. I guess I’m just not certain. It’s weird. I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life, even as I write these words. But that’s based on faith, which is believing in things despite the lack of evidence. What happens to our faith when faced with undisputable evidence? The thought is scary to me.

Yet I see evidence of God all the time, as long as I have my eyes and mind open. I’m confused. Sorry for the weird post – it just felt right to put it up on the site. I hope you all have a great day.

CJ


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Why Surrender?

surrender

Life has worn me down. Life has stressed me out. Worry assaults me. So I surrender.

I am tired. Life is too hard. I can’t handle it on my own. So I surrender.

My mind holds me captive to judgment, worry, fear, anger, impatience, selfishness. So I surrender.

He gave His life for mine. He surrendered His life for me. So I surrender to Him.

Why surrender? Because I love Him. I wish my love came for free. But He paid a high price, the highest. It took that price to buy my love. Yes, I feel ashamed. But His love is overpowering my shame. The dark shadow of my shame vanishes under the brilliant light of His love. All that is left is love. And with all my love, I surrender to you dear Jesus.

With all my heart,

CJ Penn


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My Ghost Writer

ghost writer

He did it again… my ghost writer. I’m working on revision 9 of a book I’m collaborating on with my ghost writer friend. Yesterday I finished marking up chapter 20 with more fine-tuning changes (part of what sometimes feels like my never-ending editing process). This morning I got up at 4:00am, as usual, to get in some writing before heading to work. I had intended to start editing chapter 21. But as I got out of bed, the thought became clear that I needed to go back and take another look at chapter 20. My ghost writer was talking to me again.

Got my coffee and settled myself in my makeshift “office” (a walled-off corner in the garage), and while letting the coffee cup warm my hands, I prayed, as usual. This thought came clearly into my mind: there was a glaring problem buried within chapter 20 that I needed to uncover and fix. My ghost writer, the Holy Spirit of God within me, was making my task for this morning clear.

And sure enough, as I read my way through chapter 20, I turned a page and there was the problem – a couple of unclear and awkward paragraphs. And the whole section looked a lot better with those paragraphs crossed out.

This is the way it goes, writing with the Holy Ghost. Is God really speaking to me, giving me direction on how to write this book? Well, the answer depends on what you believe. For me, I certainly believe so. And I’m so grateful. Thank you God.


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The Shark within Me

shark

Ever circling. Lidless eyes, ever searching. Jagged teeth, ever ready to devour innocence. Ever within me, part of me, torturing me. Ever my ego, my pride, my self, my shark.

My ego is the shark within me, always searching for something to capture and make its own. For example, since I started posting again on this blog after taking a long break, my ego has become intoxicated over things like number of page views and number of followers. I keep telling my “self” that none of that matters, but I often lose the argument.

Whenever I win the argument, it’s because I walk away from the argument. I win when I ignore my yammering ego and instead focus on the Holy Spirit within me. The shark has no chance against the Spirit. Dear Jesus, thank you.


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Editing from a Distance

editing from a distance

Simon says take 5 giant steps away from the work. Pull my head out of the details and look at it as if it’s not my own. This is how I’ve started approaching the editing of the past couple revisions of the book I’m writing. I read it as if it’s not my book. I read it as if I’m one of my few close friends who I have asked to review the current draft.

So, when I see something that seems unclear or awkward or just not right, I don’t have the burden of having to find a fix. All I do is flag it as needing work. I attach sticky-notes that generally state what’s wrong with the sentence, paragraph, or entire section. Then I move on. It makes this first part of the editing process easy – just point out problem areas.

But of course, as the writer of the book I still have to eventually go back and fix all the problems I had flagged. But I’ve noticed that I catch a lot more weaknesses with this two-step editing process.

And maybe by first pretending I’m not the writer, rather just a reviewer, I’m dodging my ego; my ego that usually has problems recognizing my own errors. It sure can be hard to do good writing when my self-centered human nature gets in the way.

Cheerio


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Writing with hammer and chisel

hammer and chisel

Though best known for his painting on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michelangelo’s passion was sculpting marble. And he considered that the figure he was sculpting was always present within the marble block. All he had to do was remove the surplus marble to reveal the figure within.

This is the way I’ve been approaching my writing lately. I keep chipping away at the block of words, removing the surplus junk to reveal something that will hopefully be worth looking at.

One of my favorite books on writing nonfiction is On Writing Well, by William Zinsser. Three of his key elements of good, nonfiction writing are clarity, simplicity, and brevity. This goes along with one of my favorite bible verses: “The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?” (Ecclesiastes 6:11)

The first draft of the book I’m writing had grown to a flabby 205,246 words. Seven revisions later and it’s now down to 63,300 words, and still on a diet. I keep chipping away at the surplus stuff, making it simpler, clearer and way briefer. And I love the editing process. It’s fun to remove the junk that adds nothing, and discover the shorter message that is much more powerful. Though writing can be hard, editing is fun.


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Ferguson, Mo. – in need of compassion

Ferguson Mo

Yesterday coffee with the usual Wednesday morning guys. Rick brought up the stuff happening in Ferguson, Mo.: The agitators from outside the community, and even outside the state, stirring up trouble. The celebrities, like Al Sharpton, also feeding the anger. And the store owners, staying up all night guarding their shops, trying to protect their livelihood from looters. Then Rick asked a question that was hard to consider, especially since I had barely started drinking my coffee: “As Christians, what should be our response to all this?”

It would be so easy to get sucked into the anger, and lash out at one side or the other. But I really don’t think that’s what Jesus wants me to do. Look, everyone involved is just a normal, broken human being. We are all messed up, full of sin and selfishness. Things like compassion don’t seem to come naturally. It’s the ugly responses, the judgment and harsh words, that seem to naturally ooze out of us. What should be my Christian response? I choose compassion and love. For how could I judge those who are no different from me – a typical screwed up person?