CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout

The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.

Tag Archives: Personal


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The book is ready… finally… almost… and for free

It’s finally almost ready to release… the book I’ve been promising (see Home page). It’s currently with my editor for final edits. And based on the questions she has so far, I’m getting excited about the improvements she’s going to make. By the way, my editor is my niece Johanna, helping me out while in the midst of her own publishing career.

I’m also excited about giving this book away for free to as many people as possible. Seeing that I’ve spent about six dedicated and sometimes difficult months working on this book, you may wonder why I would just give it away. Well, if you read it, you’ll then understand.

And I’m excited about the possibilities within the pages of this book. I hope and feel that it will help other people deal with the stress in their life. You see, this book is a record of my journey to escape stress and find a deep peace that I believed was out there, but I had a hard time seeing it.

Anyway, stay tuned. I hope to have this book available for download within the next two or three weeks. I have a feeling these weeks will be filled with a mixture of anxiety, more excitement, and lots of fun.


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More Than a Thought

“The presence of God” – what does it mean? Is it keeping God in our thoughts, thinking of Him as often as we are able? Focusing my mind on God and Jesus throughout my day – is that my goal?

NO… that’s not good enough for me. And it’s not what Jesus promised.

Jesus prayed for and promised that we would remain “in” Him and He would remain “in” us (e.g., John 15:4). And Jesus made it clear throughout His teachings that He’s talking about His actual Spirit being in us; His Holy Spirit.

“The presence of God” is more than a thought. It’s the Holy Spirit living within you, sharing space with your soul. And I’m so grateful.


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I Surrender

I can’t handle the world – the world handles me.

It craves control of my mind,

It hungers to direct my actions.

I’m tired of being manipulated by the world.

But there is another way.

Time for a change.

I’m no longer a victim.

Surrender!

I wrest my life from the world and surrender it to God.

I pour out my self, and God fills me with Him.

What next?

That’s up to God.

What’s that I feel?

Excitement?

Anticipation?

Oh boy!!!


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A Constant Inner Joy

“His soul has been filled with a constant inner joy that is sometimes so overwhelming, he feels compelled to do what may seem to some as childish things, in order to prevent the feeling from becoming too intense.”

A constant inner joy – that’s what I crave. And I’m not alone in my hunger. There’s such an emptiness and need in this world for peace and joy. And it’s only found in an inner relationship with the Spirit of Jesus, living within us.

I’m re-reading The Practice of the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence (for about the sixth time). That’s where the quote above comes from. Brother Lawrence knew the constant inner joy of the presence of God.

I’m on a journey to feel that same overwhelming, constant inner joy. I want to act goofy and dance for joy, simply because I can’t help myself. And I hope that somehow, I can help others find their own constant inner joy. Would you like to come along on this journey?


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Dear Father, Dear Dad

Dear Father,

You’re not far away, as some believe.

You’re not harsh and judgmental, as some preach.

You’re not aloof and proud, as some suppose.

You’re right here, within my mind and filling my heart.

Your Holy Spirit lives not on a throne,

but within each humble heart who welcomes you.

And if we let you, as my heart desires, you will fill our minds with You.

Oh, to have my mind filled and overflowing with your Spirit, dear Jesus.

Oh, to have no room for scattered thoughts of worldly junk and distraction.

To have You so filling me that the bad stuff can no longer invade my mind.

That’s my prayer today.

 

And on this Father’s Day that some of us celebrate,

I give to you dear God my faith, hope and love, as weak and flawed as they are.

And to my earthly dad George, I am so grateful for all your love for me.

And all your wisdom, and patience, and compassion.

Look, as my dad, you are an image of our Spiritual Father.

Wow!


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Chasing Surrender

Am I here? Have I found it? This feels like it could be right. This feels like it could be the absolute surrender I’ve been chasing for such a long time. Just sitting here in front of my computer, my copy of The Practice of the Presence of God sitting in my lap, eyes closed and mind open to the Spirit of Jesus living within me. And I believe I’ve sincerely offered to Him my life. And by that I mean, I’ve freely and without my own agenda, offered Him my time. What would He like me to do right now? What would He like me to write about?

And I’ve made a mind shift this morning. I have so many writing projects I’d like to work on; books, website changes, blog posts, and more books… lots of planned books to work on. But I’m no longer calling them “planned” books. Instead they are just “ideas” for books. And I’ve offered those ideas to Jesus. If He sees value in any of them, then I believe I have sincerely chosen to trust Him to do something about it, hopefully through me.

Is this true surrender? I think so. I hope so. I’ve been chasing surrender for such a long time, off and on. I hope I’ve finally caught up with it.


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God is My Laxative

Okay, I know this will sound weird and irreverent. But for me, it illustrates the tangible power of having a close relationship with God. And it tells you how messed up I can be.

Starting the day without God:

My mind is all over the day ahead, but never landing on God. The anticipated day is full of challenges and tension. And that tension rushes right down to my bowels. And then reading the newspaper closes things up real tight, especially with the political circus going on in the US right now.

Starting my day WITH God:

After getting past the morning distractions, my mind finally lands on the Spirit of Jesus, living here within me. And I remember my weak and flawed surrender to Him. Yet He honors my desire and strengthens that surrender, and fortifies my minds hold onto Him. And I feel His presence here within me. And I feel His love and peace. And I feel the hope of His promise to always remain here with me. And my emotions swell with love for Him.

And I feel totally relaxed. You can figure out what happens next.

God – the best way to start the day.


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Re-designing my Purpose, and Website

God is still chipping away at me, gradually changing me. And He has a way of making the most out of this flawed block of raw material called CJ.

Anyway, since God has been making changes in my life, I figure it’s time for me to make some changes to this website. After all, this site is a reflection of who I am, and who I’m becoming.

And thanks to God, I now passionately believe that living with the Spirit of Jesus is the solution to all of life’s problems. My desire to share this truth is driving the changes I’ve started making to this website.

If you’ve been here before, you’ll notice a difference. One is a new Home page, with a special invitation. Check it out if you like.


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Chasing Peace – Day 44 – The Beginning

My journey to escape stress and find peace has become a journey to surrender to God. That’s where I’ve found true peace… in surrender, and trust. Trusting God with my life knocks down the walls of my mind and lets His peace come pouring in.

Anyway, I believe this is my last blog post about this journey. Well, I want it to be my last– but I’ll soon see if God agrees.

I’ve decided to pull together all my blog posts about chasing peace and turn them into a small book. And writing this book should help remind me of everything I’ve learned while on this journey. Also, once the book is done, it will give me something to refer back to when I wander off the path, as I’m sure to do.

And you know, this book just might be helpful for other people. That’s why I plan to give it away. And I believe with more help from the Spirit of Jesus within me, and with some heavy editing, the messages will be stronger, and more helpful.

And maybe through this book, other people will find the peace they seek. And they will find that peace in their own personal relationship with the Spirit of Jesus. They too can learn to surrender to the peace within them.

 

←Day 43

 


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Chasing Peace – Day 43 – Lesson’s Learned, So Far

I think I’m almost done blogging about this journey of mine to escape stress and find peace. After all, I don’t think it will ever end. But so far, it’s helped remind me of some truths that are crucial to my life, such as…

I need to stop trying so hard. Just relax and let Jesus live through me. His life and energy and His presence within my mind – that’s where true peace comes from. I won’t find peace within any efforts of mine.

And I need to be patient with myself. I’m a flawed person. I’ll frequently stumble on my never-ending journey. I just need to accept this.

Another truth: pure, complete and invincible peace waits for me in heaven, where there is no stress, and no chaos.

But true peace is still available to me now, while I’m stuck in the midst of this messy world. All I need do is surrender my life to the Spirit of Jesus. As I’ve learned, selfishness creates stress, love conquers selfishness, and true love comes from surrendering to Jesus. Therefore, peace comes from surrender.

Trust… that may be the most important thing I can bring on my journey. With unconditional trust in Jesus, He will do the rest and take me home, to peace.

 

← Day 36                    Day 44 →

 


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Chasing Peace – Day 36 – Midnight Stress Monster

Woke up last night, middle of the night, and my mind immediately started chewing on a problem at work. What brought that on? Why did my mind go there? The stress monster of work had followed me home. And it crawled into bed with me, waiting for a weakened moment to strike.

Oh God, save me from myself!

And then freedom. Wearily I crawled out of bed this morning, but now I feel joy and peace… and freedom from my inner demon, the stress monster.

Each morning is the same. I go in search of the Spirit of Jesus, who lives within me. My mind sometimes resists – for some reason it likes hanging out in that cluttered room of random thoughts. But coffee helps, or at least it wakes me up enough to steer my mind towards Jesus. And then He starts to replace the clutter with His presence. And then freedom, and peace.

There is only one true peace – living with the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Jesus. He’s here.

 

← Day 35                    Day 43 →

 


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Chasing Peace – Day 35 – Mind Control

The apostle Paul once said, “The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6) That’s what I want, that’s what I crave. I want to surrender control of my mind to the Spirit of Jesus living within me. And He’ll keep my stubborn mind from diving into that stress-pit every day.

I’ve been on this journey to escape stress and find peace for over a month now. Is this going to end up being some biblical 40-day thing? I don’t think so. Actually, I don’t think it will end, until this body of mine gives out – that’s when the never-ending peace will begin.

But I do believe there is a way to peace on earth, and that is found in a daily surrender to Jesus. I also believe that I’m not able to completely surrender on my own, since my self-centered ego will always fight against it. My ego wants to keep control. But Jesus can overcome my ego. Jesus can take control, and He will, if I sincerely want Him to. What’s impossible for me is possible for God.

Have you been following me on this journey? Are you on a journey of your own? What have you discovered? If you like, please share with the rest of us in the comments below… and thanks.

 

← Day 28                    Day 36 →

 


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Chasing Peace – Day 28 – A Glimpse of True Surrender

Praying my way into another day. Another day at work… meh. Yet in my mind (and hopefully my heart and soul), I hand my self to the Spirit of Jesus within me. He’ll take it from here. Jesus will take this person CJ and carry him through today. Whatever happens today is in His hands, under His control. I can relax and watch. Cool.

And then it hit me: whatever we actually do today doesn’t matter. What matters is that by Him making my feeble and partial surrender complete, Jesus is in control.

Going to work, or staying home, or going to the beach, or going on a hike and taking a nap under an oak tree (okay, that’s what I’d like to do)… anyway, it makes no difference what we do. Anything would be joyful, even work, because Jesus would be in control. This tastes like true surrender. This tastes like peace.

Believe in the truth of absolute surrender to God. He can make it real. And that’s where true peace lives.

 

← Day 27                    Day 35 →

 


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Chasing Peace – Day 27 – A Wave of Love

This morning God opened my eyes to a truth I’ve long known, but it had faded within the cloud of the noise in my mind.

God created earth. He created light. He created the entire universe. And He created you and me. And this God who created all that exists seems to humble Himself enough to have His Spirit live within wretched little me! Why me? I’m such a messy place for Him to live. Look at all the crap He has to put up with, living within my clogged up and noisy mind, and with my broken and whinny soul. But He’s here!

This morning, the reality of the presence of God within me crashed over me as a wave of pure love. The actual infinite power of God is within me! Oh, I always know this (with my mind), but this morning I felt really aware of it – it is more than a thought, but an intense feeling.

Then my mind flashed upon this journey I’m on – to escape the stress of work and life, and to find true peace. And I thought about going to work today, WITH God who created all that exists!!! The wave of love and gratitude crashed over me again.

And the morning dread that usually churns within my belly as I get ready for work has been replaced with excited anticipation. What will God do today, through me, at work? Maybe He’ll keep me from throwing myself into the stress-pit. Or something bigger?

What might God do through you today? His Spirit lives within you too, if you believe Him and accept Him.

 

← Day 26                    Day 28 →

 


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Chasing Humility and Peace – Day 26

Trying to escape stress, stress of life, mainly stress at work.

I run, but I stumble, and stress tackles me.

So I run to God, to Jesus’ Spirit within me.

Surrender to Jesus and His peace; that’s my soul’s desire.

Yet surrender requires humility, so now I’m running to that.

Then this morning, dark MONDAY morning… something new.

My mind fell into that old stress-pit of brooding over Monday.

Oh how I dread Monday’s.

But then God gave me that “something new,” a new thought.

And I started praying for people at work.

Everyone, especially those who push my buttons and set me ablaze in the stress-inferno.

Praying.

There’s peace in prayer.

There’s compassion in prayer, even for the button-pushers.

Monday doesn’t feel so bad now.

Monday can be exciting, and maybe fun.

For this Monday I go to work with God.

And we will pray for my co-workers.

While in the midst of that stress-pit of work, I’ll pray for the button-pushers.

Dear Jesus, thank you.

Let’s go pray Your grace upon everyone we meet.

And please help me show them Your love and humility.

 

← Day 25                    Day 27 →

 


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Chasing Peace – Day 25

Chasing peace? I’m now wondering if I have it backwards. Maybe peace is chasing me. And some days I’m in such a hurry that peace doesn’t have a chance to catch up.

What is peace? Well, if you’ve been checking in on my journey, you know what I’ve found – that for me, peace is absolute surrender to the Spirit of Jesus living within me. He’s right here all the time. But now I’m thinking that I sometimes run from Him.

At work I chase after achievement and praise; often a step ahead of Jesus, and His peace. When I step out of Jesus’ reach, I fall back into the stress-pit. Oh, it happens almost every day.

Wait a minute! I think I know what’s going on. It’s my natural human pride that has me running ahead of Jesus, chasing achievement. It’s my pride that thinks I can successfully survive without surrendering to Jesus. It’s my pride that pushes me over the edge and back down into that stress-pit.

I’ve known for a long time that pride is like a plague that infects humanity. And I’ve known that humility is what I need in order to surrender to God. So on this journey to escape stress and find peace, I think it’s time to change my focus again. Now I’m going to chase humility.

Wish me luck, please.

 

← Day 22                    Day 26 →

 


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Hi Blogging Friend

This blogging thing is weird.

Friends made, not seen.

I notice you when you visit,

when you “like” one of my posts for some reason.

Your familiar postage-stamp image brings me a smile.

Comments help me know you better.

And sometimes I visit your blog home,

and hang out with you for a bit.

I feel we could be friends.

In a way, we are.

But it’s not the same.

It feels hollow; reality is missing.

A friend made, yet not seen.

This blogging thing is weird.

My heart wants more than this.

I think I need a hug.


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Chasing Peace – Day 22

I wish I had more patience. I want to be at the end of this journey… NOW. I want true and un-interrupted peace… now. The past several days have been filled with sporadic peace and intense stress. I’m running, but I can’t always stay ahead the stress.

For example, take that tension-filled meeting at work yesterday…

I was doing just fine, with my mind focused on the Spirit of Jesus within me, sitting there with me in the midst of that chaos. I felt like I was holding up a shield to protect myself from the tension, a shield held in place by my surrender to Jesus. I figured as long as I kept my mind focused on my being surrendered to Him, I would be protected from the stress that filled the room. I was right of course. But I think my restless mind was feeling feisty.

Someone in the meeting said something that my “self” just couldn’t ignore, and I dived right into the middle of that stress-pit with everyone else. I just had to open my mouth, didn’t I?

You know, this surrender stuff really takes a lot of humility. I’ve got to stop thinking of my self and my precious opinion. I’m beginning to like the idea of keeping my mouth shut. What was it I read in the Bible… “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” (James 1:26)

Keeping a rope on my tongue – now that’s a good way to escape stress and find peace. Humility; that’s what I need. Humility will keep my tongue tied up. I just wish pride wasn’t such a basic part of my nature. Surrender… with surrender to the Spirit of Jesus, I believe He will fill me with His humility. Now that’s what I need.

You know, one thing that’s changed in me over these past 22 days is that whenever I feel stress invading my senses, my mind runs to Jesus. Sometimes I don’t run fast enough. But I like that I’m running in the right direction.

 

← Day 18                    Day 25 →

 


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Chasing Peace – Day 18 – What the…?

That’s not what I expected.

I wanted to escape stress. Specifically, the stress-pit I tend to fall into everyday at work. And then God showed me a new way to look at this; to escape stress by chasing after peace. And then God showed me that I will catch true peace when I surrender my self to the Spirit of Jesus within me. I’ve been on this journey for 18 days now.

And now that I’m feeling a taste of surrender, Jesus is starting to fill me with Himself, and His Love! My selfish ways seem to be fading. And His Love is consuming and filling me with a compassion for everyone who does not feel His love themselves.

The Church. His Church. It’s hurting. It’s wounded. It’s aching to be filled with His love. But much of the church has wandered from the path of surrender. Much of the church has surrendered to manmade rules, and traditions, and concerns, and agendas – rather than surrendering to the Spirit of Jesus.

Oh, the church worships Jesus, but have they become Jesus? The true church, as Jesus designed it, is the collection of believers in whom His Spirit lives – we are His Temple, His Church.

Where will this go? Where is Jesus taking me? My journey to find peace is shaking up my life.

Dear Jesus, your Love is greater than life. My life is yours. Thank you. Now let’s go heal wounds… with Your Love.

 

← Day 17                    Day 22 →

 


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Chasing Peace – Day 17

There’s always something to feel guilty about. Sucks. Yesterday, day 17 of my journey to find peace, I was haunted by a memory that filled me with guilt. I hate that feeling. But part of the misery of guilt is my feeling that I deserve to feel miserable. I’m so messed up.

But then I remembered this new path I’m on in this journey, my path to absolute surrender to Jesus. And as soon as I focused my mind on my surrender to Jesus, the misery of guilt disappeared. Now this was weird, because Jesus was one of the people I had hurt in my memory of guilt. But then it hit me…

Surrender to Jesus is freedom from guilt. Guilt is surrender to memories of the past. Instead of surrendering to the past, surrender to the Spirit of Jesus, within you. With Him there is no guilt; only love, and peace.

Surrender is so freeing.

 

← Day 16                    Day 18 →