CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout

The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.

Tag Archives: Personal


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The Passion Behind My Writing

ghost writer

The world is screwed up – from the other side of the globe, all the way around to the street where I live. I often whine to myself, and God, about all the pain and suffering and craziness I see in the world. I believe all this messiness comes from the natural brokenness of our humanity. It’s an unchangeable characteristic of our species – we’re naturally screwed up.

Now I can’t change our messed up human nature. All I can do is try to change how I cope and react to the messiness. And I just realized that everything I write – my blog posts and the books I’m writing – are just me sharing my methods for coping. And by sharing, my hope is that others will benefit from what I’ve written. Maybe my methods will work for you too.

This is my passion: to help people find their own ability to cope with our messed up humanity, to endure the pain and craziness of this world, and to find their methods for coping in their relationship with Jesus Christ.

So if you too feel the burden of being a part of a messed up race of broken humans, if you feel that life in this world is out of control, and if you sometimes struggle with how to cope with it all, then please visit again. Maybe I’ll share something that will help you too.


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Self Control? That’s a Laugh

My mind loves to go places where I don’t want to. I’ll try to tackle my mind and keep it from going on a rocky path, and sometimes I wrestle it down and win control. But other times I just follow my mind down that path… too many times, actually.

Oh, at work it’s not too difficult to keep my mind focused on whatever task I’m doing. And at home after work, the TV helps me keep my mind focused on “Downton Abby” or “The Bachelor,” or whatever I’m watching while trying to keep my eyes open as my body melts into the couch.

Are you like me in that it’s hard to control where your mind goes? And is it sometimes hard to control your actions, and often what comes out of your mouth?

If you crave self control, then give up. Instead of trying to gain control, give control of your mind to the Holy Spirit. Focus your thoughts on the Spirit of Jesus Christ, who lives within you. He’s there, sharing your mind with you. Now give Him a bigger share. Let Him control your “self.” That’s where true self control comes from.


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Looking for Peace of Mind?

Well, maybe you need to give up and let go of your mind in order to find the peace you seek. My mind is usually consumed by all the stuff going on around me – there’s no peace there. So I try to let go and give control of my mind to God.

How do I give control of my mind to the Spirit of God and Jesus? It seems like most of the time, it’s turning my back on all the worldly stuff that screams for my attention, and letting my mind focus on nothing but Jesus, here within me, within my mind and with my soul.

And in those moments where there’s nothing and no one in my mind but God and Jesus, that’s when I feel the promised peace, the peace that comes from letting God control my mind. Just at the Apostle Paul promised, “… the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)

Are you looking for peace of mind? Then please, give yourself as much time as you need to let go of all the worldly stuff that screams for your attention. And as your mind empties of the noise, let God come in and fill the vacancy. And He will bring His peace.


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Wreckage?

I’m floating in a sea,

surrounded by debris and wreckage.

The wreckage of this broken world;

the wreckage of my life.

Surrounded,

unable to clearly see the horizon

for all the wreckage.

I search the horizon for Jesus.

I look for Father God.

I know they are here;

something inside me feels their presence.

But the wreckage crowds my view.

Without God, there is only wreckage.

…

And finally, the wreckage breaks up.

And God opens a way, from Him to me.

And now He’s here;

His Spirit is within me, floating here with me.

And the wreckage pulls away from God,

unable to touch Him.

With the Spirit of God and Jesus within me,

the wreckage of my life floats off,

and I feel peace.

———————-

This is a typical morning for me, quietly sitting with coffee mug in hand, surrounded by the wreckage that fills my mind. And then God appears. Oh Lord! Dear Jesus! I love you as much as I am able. And I live because you live within me.


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Maybe a Small Step, But it Feels BIG to Me

Yesterday I registered a domain name for my author web page – which doesn’t exist yet. Eventually you will be able to find my author page at www.cjpenn.com. But clicking on this link won’t get you anywhere today.

Though it was easy to get this domain name registered, I was surprised at how difficult it was. Confused? Me too. Technically it was easy. Emotionally it was hard. This feels like a huge step for me.

Though I’ve been writing for this blog for almost 10 years, and working on writing some books for almost 9 years (nothing yet published), I feel like I just took my first step into a whole new phase of my writing – the marketing phase. And it feels awkward and uncomfortable. I feel like I just climbed into a rocket about to blast off to Mars.

My author web page will be all about marketing me and my books. From the research I’ve been doing, an author page that’s separate from my blog is essential. But this whole marketing bit just doesn’t stir the passion and excitement in me that writing does. I’ll just have to force-feed the passion, I guess.

Anyway, I think I’ll start blogging about my experiences with this new phase of my writing life. So if you’re interested in such things, please check back in. AND, please give me some advice. I could use it. Thanks


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Blogging Friends

My blog friends filled my thoughts as I filled my mug with coffee this morning. We’ve never met in person, but I see you whenever you “like” or comment on one of my posts. I smile when I see your familiar name and image show up in my email, announcing your visit to my blog. I feel we know each other in a small way.

And as I thought of you this morning, I became filled with gratitude. I’m grateful for you and your visits. I’m grateful for your friendship, unconventional as it is. And I’m grateful for Jesus, for He brought us together. It was our mutual relationships with Jesus that connected us via this intangible, untouchable realm called the Internet.

And now I’m thinking… Jesus is all about relationships, and friendships. He promised He will be our friend, if we believe in Him. And I now see Him using manmade things such as the Internet to help make other friendships, such as yours and mine. That’s kind of cool.

But back to my original thought… thank you blogging friend. Thanks for your visits. I hope you have a great day.

CJ


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Feeling Surrounded by God

Redwood trees

I went for a hike in a redwood forest yesterday. I admire redwood trees; so tall, so old, so strong. My mind drifted away from my life and wondered at the lives of the trees. Most of them are hundreds of years old, and some are over a thousand.

And then I felt it – the majesty of God. Surrounded by trees that had witnessed hundreds of years of God’s creation, I also felt surrounded by God. Oh, I feel the presence of God’s Spirit within me almost every day. But most days, God and I are surrounded by the chaos of the world, and I don’t often see God in the midst of that chaos.

But yesterday, in the midst of that majestic redwood forest, there was no chaos – only God. And it felt great.

Thank you Lord.


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Don’t be Afraid; Just Believe

Job interview today. I really want this job. Nervousness keeps trying to drown me in fear. I feel the waves of anxiety crashing over me whenever I think about the interview. I try to run from the waves; sometimes I stumble and the wave knocks me down. But I look up and there’s Jesus, reaching down to help me get back on my feet again.

I was reading chapter 5 of the gospel of Mark this morning. A synagogue ruler’s daughter was sick, and then she died. At that, Jesus looked at the ruler and said, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” And of course, Jesus then brought the little girl back to life.

Today I hear, and feel, Jesus saying that to me… don’t be afraid, just believe. As long as I focus on what I believe – that the Spirit of Jesus is within me, even during the interview – the waves of fear recede and vanish. I won’t be alone in that interview; the Spirit of Jesus will be with me. And I’m so grateful.


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Satan is Terrified

Jesus confronted Satan many times during His life on earth. This morning I was reading about one of those times in the gospel of Mark. Jesus came across a demon-possessed man causing trouble among some tombs. In referring to the man, Mark writes:

“When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. He shouted at the top of his voice, ‘What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In God’s name don’t torture me!’” (Mark 5:6-7)

The demons of Satan were absolutely terrified of Jesus. Satan fell on his knees at Jesus’ feet and begged Jesus for mercy. I stopped reading and just focused on that fact. What does it mean to me, that Satan is terrified of Jesus? Think about it – what does it mean to you?


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Non-Christians in Heaven

I’ve been thinking about people who don’t believe in Jesus. What do they think of certain hot-button Bible verses, such as when Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)?

Well, there’s no way I can know what anyone else thinks. But I still remember some of my thoughts about such things, before I started believing in Jesus and when I thought I was an atheist.

First, if someone doesn’t believe in Jesus because they don’t trust the Bible, well… they won’t care about anything in the Bible. It’s all fiction to them. Oh, they might get annoyed by some verses – I did before I started believing. But something you don’t believe in isn’t going to have much power over you.

But I’m more interested in those people who get really upset by such verses as John 14:6. I’ve known many people, even Christians, who refuse to believe what Jesus says in that verse. And I’ve struggled with it myself. How will heaven possibly be joyful for me if people I love aren’t there with me? Though I don’t understand, I choose to just trust God. He’ll work things out somehow.

But back to non-Christians who get really upset at the Bible when it tells them they’re not going to heaven: what is it that gets their emotions stirred up? Well, maybe they hope everyone will go to heaven, no matter what they believe. Or at least “good” people will be let inside.

But wait… that would mean that they believe in heaven, even if they don’t believe in Jesus. That thought gets my mind churning a bit, and this is what has been spit out as what I believe…

I believe the Holy Spirit of Jesus speaks to our soul, deep down below the surface of our mind. It’s our soul that hears and believes the truth of Jesus, God, and heaven. And it’s our soul that feeds our heart and mind with the belief in and craving for heaven.

So I’m happy for those people who get really upset at certain Bible verses, for it tells me they are listening to their soul. And it also shows me that Jesus loves them, for He’s reaching out to their soul in His own special way.

What do you think?


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My Enemy My Mind

A quiet morning, a favorite time, sitting here alone with God.

Well, not really alone.

There’s my mind, not content with sitting still, often up and dancing away to other places.

My will is to still my mind and focus all my thoughts on the Holy Spirit of Jesus, here within me.

I try feeding my mind coffee, hoping that will help it gain control of itself.

But that doesn’t always work.

My mind will rest with Jesus for a few moments, and then jump up and chase after the next passing thought.

Random thoughts have more control over my mind than I do.

I often think my mind is my enemy, for it rarely goes where I want to go.

I want to rest my thoughts with you, dear Jesus, every waking moment.

I want to give You all of my mind.

For I trust your word…

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37)

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2)

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” (Colossians 3:2)


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My letter of Thanks

Dear God,

Thank you for saving my father. Yesterday my dad had open heart surgery, where with your help the doctors performed a double bypass and replaced the faulty heart valve. And my dad is 88 years old! And he survived! And the surgery was without any complications!

As you know from my prayers yesterday, and as I’m sorry to say, I had my doubts at times. I doubted my dad would survive. But I hope my doubts were not because of my sometimes weak faith, but because I trust you. I trusted you to do your will, and I accept that your will may have been to bring my dad to be home with you, in heaven. But by your love for all who love my dad, you gave him back to us, to be with us a bit longer. Thank you.

I believe we witnessed your miracle yesterday. I believe when we looked into my dad’s eyes as he began to wake up again, that we saw the miracle of your love and presence and hand in the surgery. For in addition to whatever part you had in the surgery itself, you gave my dad the will to live. And you helped him see your love and the love of his family.

This is beginning to feel like a rambling letter. But I just wanted to publically thank you for your love in our lives, and the new life you’ve given my dad.

And dear Jesus, thank you for being there with all of us, in that waiting room. Some of us felt the presence of your Spirit. Waiting with you sure made the waiting easier.


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We Are The Church!

church

I belong to several Facebook groups for Christians who no longer attend a church. We each have our own reasons for leaving what some call the “Institutional Church.” But this morning I was thinking about what we do in these groups. We share experiences, we share inspiration, we share our struggles, and we share support and encouragement. But what I think most of it boils down to is this – as a group, we praise and worship God and Jesus.
And then it struck me: We Are The Church! Each Facebook group is a type of church. And by “church” I mean God’s definition of church, which I believe is the collection of Spirit-filled believers. So though we’ve left the institutional church, I think we’re still in the true church.
What do you think?


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Thank You to all TSS Followers

I’ve been writing about thankfulness recently. And I have been struck with a wave of gratitude for all of you who follow this blog. And today, I feel especially grateful for all who have been following “The Spirit Speaks…” series of posts.

I feel incredibly grateful for two things: first, that Jesus is writing these with me (I couldn’t do this alone); and second, that many of you seem to be benefiting from these posts in some way. I write these for you.

So again, thank you so much for following these posts. I recognize your names when you comment on or Like a post. You feel like a friend to me, every time I see your name on my computer screen. Thank you friend.

CJ

IMG_1377


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Book Challenge Day #94 – Deadline Done, But Book Isn’t

Deadline

Zero days left in my personal challenge to write a book, from concept to self-publish, in 3 months. The first draft isn’t even done. Oh well. But now that the first draft is almost finished, I’m starting to think about what to do next. Of course I’ll immediately start on the second draft. But I’d also like to get this blog more involved. Here are some ideas for upcoming blog activities. Please take a look and let me know what you think. Do you have other cool ideas that you could share with me?

  • Blog about a summary of the story, finally letting it out from the confines of my notebook. I haven’t mentioned much about the story yet, just because it’s been evolving. But now that it looks solid, I’d like to share it with you.
  • Ask for book cover ideas. Then I could take some of these cover ideas to my artist niece and see what she would do with them. Then, post the artwork for the ideas and have a vote to select the one to use.
  • After I hire an editor to do the final copyediting and I type up the final draft, I’d like to start posting the book on this blog, one chapter at a time. With sixteen chapters, and posting a chapter every day, in a little over two weeks you could read the entire story. And each chapter is short.
  • Hopefully, people who read the story on the blog will post some critique comments. I could then use those comments to make the story better.
  • And then, with the final cover and story, I’ll put the book on Amazon Kindle for free. I will then ask all of you who download and read it to leave a review. Then, after there’s a good collection of reviews, I’ll see what the consensus is. If people perceive the book as poor, with little value, then it will not be worth putting a price on it. If people see value in the book, then I’ll basically set the price based on how may stars it gets – more stars equals higher price. In this way, those who first read and review the book, will set the price for the book. After all, it’s the readers opinion that counts, not mine.

So what do you think? Thanks a lot, CJ

 

(October 18, 2015: day 93 down, 0 more to go, of The Challenge… to write a book, from concept to self-publish, in 3 months.)


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Book Challenge Day #65 – The Writing is Fun… but the Marketing?

book marketing

I love writing. Every time I sit down to work on the book I’m trying to write in three months, I have fun. Mainly because I’m not writing alone. I’m writing with the Holy Spirit.

But in working on this book, the message that’s coming into my mind and then onto the paper is really touching my heart. I believe this message can touch the hearts of other people too. So now I have a growing desire to make this book available to a lot of people. That’s where marketing comes in.

Marketing. This doesn’t sound as much fun as writing. But it could be, as long as I don’t do it alone. In fact, while praying about it on my drive to work yesterday, an idea came into my mind that seems fun to me.

It goes like this: I’m planning to self-publish this book on Amazon Kindle. I’ve always wanted to initially offer the book for free, mainly for all of you who have periodically checked in on the progress with my book challenge. As a way to thank you, I want to give you the book. I had then intended to later put some random price on it. After all, I could use the money.

But here’s the new fun idea: while the book is on Amazon for free, I will ask all of you who download and read it to leave a review. It’s a short book, so it won’t take long to read. Then, after there’s a good collection of reviews, I’ll see what the consensus is. If people perceive the book as poor, with little value, then it will not be worth putting a price on it. If people see value in the book, then I’ll basically set the price based on how may stars it gets – more stars equals higher price. In this way, those who first read and review the book, will set the price for the book. After all, it’s the readers opinion that counts, not mine.

What do you think of this idea? Does it sound fun to you?

 

(September 19, 2015: day 64 down, 29 more to go, of The Challenge… to write a book, from concept to self-publish, in 3 months.)


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Book Challenge Day #55 – Typing, finally

ghost writer

My hand-written first draft notes are all safely in my notebook, all except for the last chapter. But tonight is big not because of that, but because I started typing the first draft, beginning to make edits on the way. There is something special for me when I finally start typing a new book project. It feels more real, not like my barely legible hand-writing. I just finished typing chapter one and I’ll get started on chapter two as soon as I post this brief message.

This book project, driven along by my challenge to write and publish this book in three months, has really picked up momentum the past week. And I’d like to use this particular post to thank my co-writer… the Spirit of Jesus Christ, who lives within me, and probably within you too. He’s the real drive behind this project. His presence fills me with energy, excitement, and words. And I’m so grateful. Thanks

 

(September 9, 2015: day 55 down, 38 more to go, of The Challenge… to write a book, from concept to self-publish, in 3 months.)


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Book Challenge Day #49 – 5 Hours of Rapid Writing

commute traffic

Yesterday was a huge day of progress on the book I’m trying to write and publish in 3 months. I had to drive to San Jose for a work assignment – a comfy 2+ hour drive with typical commute traffic. So there and back, I was in my car for about 5 hours (traffic was a bit more than typical). This type of day can be boring and exhausting. But not yesterday. Using my iPhone audio memo app and with the ear-buds/microphone, I was able to record notes for the book while keeping both hands on the wheel (that comment is for those who tend to worry about me while I’m on these long commutes for work).

After 5 hours filled with frequent moments of high energy and excitement, I had recorded very detailed notes for the remaining seven chapters of the book. Once I transcribe these audio notes, the first draft will be complete!

But the best part is how this happened and what ended up coming out of my mouth. As I often do while driving, I’m in frequent conversation with the Holy Spirit of Jesus. I always find comfort in His presence. And yesterday, I believe He was giving me the words that I then spoke into my iPhone. And what great words – the book has taken an unexpected turn, and I’ve now added elements that will bring much more power to it’s message. That’s where my energy and excitement came from.

Dear Jesus, thank you so much for all you do, and for riding with me yesterday on my 5-hour commute.

 

(September 3, 2015: day 48 down, 45 more to go, of The Challenge… to write a book, from concept to self-publish, in 3 months.)


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Avoiding The Mess

garbage

Look at all the evil going on in the world. Then there’s selfishness, hate, anger, stress, fear, arrogance, bigotry… on and on. My personal opinion is that humanity is a big malignant mess. And since I’m a typical human, I only add to the mess, even when I try not to. It’s just part of my prideful human nature. I also think all the messes have their roots in our natural pride and selfishness. Yet, is there a way for me to live without adding to the mess? Yes.

That’s why I try to surrender my life to Jesus so that His Spirit can live through me. I want my “self” to step aside, making room for Jesus to fill me with His Self. Then, this person called CJ can be a part of humanity without adding to the mess. It’s not easy, for me anyway. But it’s my hope.

What do you think about this?


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Book Challenge Day #41 – The Deadline

Deadline

My 93-day window of time to write a book is well over a third of the way closed (or open, depending on how I choose to look at it). And I’m far from a third finished. At this point, panic is an option. Or at least rising stress – that would be my usual response. Yet while praying this morning, another window began to open for me, a window of understanding and trust.

What began to seep into my mind while praying is this: my three-month deadline is artificial and has no meaning beyond the meaning you or I may give it. My prideful self would choose to make the deadline a matter of success or failure. That’s where the stress and eventual panic would come in.

Or, I could choose to give no meaning to the deadline and just focus on trusting Jesus – trusting Him to show me the way to the completion of this book, with no concern for when that happens. The deadline then becomes only a fun way to help motivate myself to write this book, with no stress, only trust.

Guess which one I’ve chosen.

 

(August 24, 2015: day 40 down, 53 more to go, of The Challenge… to write a book, from concept to self-publish, in 3 months.)