CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout

The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.

Tag Archives: Personal


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Being a WWJD Christian

WWJD

Do you want to be an imitator of God? “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children.” (Ephesians 5:1) Do you want to be a WWJD Christian, every moment doing what Jesus would do? You can’t… on your own.

The only way you can is to let Jesus live within you, doing what He would do through you. You can be a WWJD Christian if you let Him. But it’s not “What Would Jesus Do,” as if you are trying to imitate Him. It’s “What Will Jesus Do,” as He lives and acts and speaks from within you – His Holy Spirit sharing your body, mind, and soul. We can be more than imitators of God. And I’m so grateful.


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Diving into His arms

cliff diving

Here I am again, at the edge of the cliff.

Not a high cliff – it’s a short drop into His arms.

Jesus is waiting for me, with His arms open wide.

Just a brief fall away.

I come here every day, to the edge of this cliff,

this cliff of absolute trust and surrender.

I remember the first few times I came here.

Something would bring me to the very edge,

a prayer, a flood of emotion, the gentle hand of God on my shoulder.

Yet for reasons I’m unsure of, I would back away.

Falling into Jesus scared me back then.

But no more, for His love is more powerful than my fear.

So this morning, filled with the passion He’s given me,

I leap off the cliff.

I so love you dear Jesus.

Let me back up and get a running start.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee

Floating into His arms of love and compassion,

those arms again spread out for me,

those arms first spread out on the cross, for me,

and you.

Today I’m diving into Jesus’ arms, with absolute trust and surrender.

Dive on in… the Holy water is great.


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Our Father’s Love

His child

I was a bit trouble-prone as a young boy. Like the time in my bedroom when I nailed my blankets and sheets to my dresser, the walls, and anything that would hold a nail. It was the most awesome tent ever. Then, several years later, there was the New Years Eve when I blew up the neighbor’s mailbox with a barrel bomb. It was so cool how all the rivets blew out, but the swollen shell still stood on the post. Though my mom was always disappointed and usually angry about my fun-filled pranks, I never doubted her love for me.

The most loving parents feel love for their child no matter what. Such is God’s love for His children. “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1)


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Are You a De-Churched Christian?

I’m a de-churched Christian. I’ve been reading the book “Churchless,” which contains lots of research data the Barna Group has collected about the various aspects of Christianity. Did you know there are about 18 million born-again Christians who no longer attend a church? The Barna study calls these people “de-churched.” It felt weird when I realized I’m one of the 18 million.

I haven’t attended church for almost five years. And what adds to the weirdness is, I can’t clearly tell you why. Oh, I could come up with surface answers easily enough. But none of them feel to me like they are the real, deep down reason I don’t go to church. And I want to know why.

It occurred to me; maybe some of these 18 million de-churched born-again Christians hang out online somewhere. So please help me if you know of any such hang-outs. Are there any Facebook groups? What other sites might the de-churched like to visit? Are there blogs for the de-churched?

My hope is that maybe by connecting with other de-churched people, I might learn why I have no desire to attend church. And if you too are a de-churched Christian, please share some of your story. It may help me, and it may help others. Thank you.


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Jesus is my Rock

Jesus rock

Sometimes. No, make that several times a day… I feel stressed out, especially at work. Even now, in the peace of the early morning, I can feel the stress, usually from anticipation of work. This stress feels like a liquid poison, poured into this vessel named CJ Penn. Sometimes it’s just a bit of poison; other times it feels like I’m overflowing.

Until I remember Jesus. He is like my Rock, dropped into this vessel CJ, pushing the poison of stress out. I feel Him enter into my thoughts, and the poison flows away. When Jesus fills me, there is no room for the poison of stress.

Stress is indeed a poison, for it can make our life sick. But even when surrounded by a stressful day, with Jesus on the inside, the stress remains on the outside, unable to poison my heart and mind and soul.

Thank you so much dear Jesus… my Rock.


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Gift Exchange

Today, Good Friday, we recognize the sacrifice Jesus took upon Himself for all of us. He gave His life for us. Because I’m so grateful, I’d like to give Jesus something in return. As He did for me, I’d like to do for Him – I’d like to give Jesus my life.

To surrender my life to Jesus – how can I do that today? What does this look like? How about this: I’ll give Jesus my thoughts today, as often as I am able.

Are you grateful for what Jesus did for you? Give Him your thoughts today. Focus your mind on Jesus as often as you are able.


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Dear Jesus

surrender

Dear Jesus, you gave your life for me,

you suffered for me, you died for me.

And then your Spirit came back to earth,

and now you live within me, sharing my life with me.

I’m not alone.

You’re always here, within.

Yet I fear I may be too accustomed to your presence.

Do I take you for granted? Oh, I hope not.

Dear Jesus, please help me feel the true meaning,

the true power and peace of living with You within me.

I long for a tear.

Those moments when my heart gets a clear glimpse of you within me –

those moments when an un-looked-for tear swells within my eye.

When my heart sees you clearly, my eyes become blurred.

Dear Jesus, oh how I long to see you more clearly;

oh how I long to see the true meaning of You within me;

oh how I long to weep a bucket of tears, for you.

Tears of joy, tears of gratitude, tears of love.

Tears that soften my heart and open me up, to you.

Dear Jesus, I love you more than my dry eyes show.

I long for the moments when I see your true love,

and then my tears show you my true love.

Dear Jesus, thank you for this day, a good day, a Good Friday.


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Open My Eyes Lord

“Open the eyes of my heart Lord, open the eyes of my heart.

I want to see your, I want to see you.” *

When I was helping with our church youth group, we sang this song often. I love the lyrics. I’d close my optical eyes and try to open the eyes of my heart – it was usually difficult. As I’ve traveled on this journey of getting to know God, I crave to see God more often, within me. For me, it’s more of a feeling of God’s presence that I crave – that’s what it means to me to see God.

My hope is that you are able to quiet your mind and open your heart, and see and feel God and Jesus within you. They are there already, waiting for you to look their way.

 

* “Open The Eyes of My Heart,” by Paul Baloche


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God Touches My Heart in My Prayers

Finger of God

Eyes closed, heart open, I try to quiet my mind.

My mind – it’s sometimes not my friend.

My mind – racing in circles, from one thought to the next.

Then God helps me pull in the reins and bring my mind to a trot, and finally a stop.

Eyes closed, heart open, and my mind quiet and focused on God.

That’s when He touches my heart.

That’s when God reaches into my soul and stirs up my emotions.

And I swell and melt with love and gratitude – for God and Jesus and their presence within me.

And there’s a tear, or two – physical evidence of my emotion.

Dear God. Dear Jesus. I’m so grateful for your love and presence within me.

Let’s do this day, together.


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Me, The Worst of Sinners

I can relate to the Apostle Paul. Though I’ve never persecuted Christians as Paul did before Jesus burst into his life, I used to see Christians as weird and I’d sometimes criticize them. Then I became one. But before Jesus burst into my life, I was a pretty sinful person – mainly the fun type of sins. Fortunately, I avoided the violent stuff.

Anyway, I was reading Paul’s first letter to Timothy this morning, and came across another verse that’s easy for me to see myself in: “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.” (1 Timothy 1:15-16)

I believe I know how Paul felt, for Jesus has shown mercy and unlimited patience to me. And His mercy and patience are for you too.


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Breaking Into My Anxious Thoughts

coffee with Jesus

A typical morning: coffee mug warming my hands, Jesus Calling devotional opened to yesterday (I’m usually a day behind), and my mind ping-ponging between the book on my lap and the Spirit of Jesus within my mind. And of course, my mind often takes a side trip and finds something to be anxious about.

This morning it was the idea of eventually publishing the book I’m writing. The marketing piece of this project isn’t very appealing, though it’s something I feel comfortable with. But like most would-be authors (I suspect), I would rather spend my time writing than marketing. The accelerated blogging, more time on Facebook, and whatever other opportunities make sense at the time – all this was feeling more like a dark cloud on the horizon than something to get excited about.

Then Jesus broke into my anxious thoughts. He immediately reminded me that it’s not up to me whether the book gets published, or up to anyone else. It’s God’s decision. And that’s just the way I want it. Having God in charge of this book project removes all of my self-induced stress. Jesus broke into my anxious thoughts, and the anxiety melted away. And I’m so grateful.


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My Never-Ending Painting Project

GG Bridge

The Golden Gate Bridge – an icon of engineering risk-taking. To protect the bridge from the constant onslaught of corrosive salty air, high-climbing painters sandblast off the old paint and replace it with fresh paint. This continues until the painters finish the entire bridge, and then they start all over again, going back to the beginning. It’s a never-ending painting project.

This is how it feels with the book I’m writing. As soon as I finish one revision, I go back to the beginning and start working on the next revision. I recently started working on revision 11 – by now I should just be making fine adjustments. But I’ve been taking the heavy-duty sandblaster to this revision, removing large chunks of old “paint” and replacing them with fresh paint. It’s my never-ending “painting” project. And I love the work.


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What is God’s purpose in His relationship with you?

I never understood the sadness until my own children were grown and out on their own. Yet my mom gave me a preview of coming emotions. She showed me how sad she could get every time I left her after a weekend visit. I thought she was being overly emotional. But I now share her feelings whenever my sons leave after a weekend home.

My purpose in my relationship with my sons has evolved as they’ve grown from babies into men. But one thing that never changes is my overwhelming desire to be with them and to show my love for them. God shares this desire in His relationship with you.

God’s’ singular purpose is unconditional love. Love is why He sent His Son to fulfill justice, while rescuing you from your own mistakes, yet forgiving you when you fall and helping you get back on your feet again. Love is why God helps you stand in the face of life’s storms. God’s purpose is to be your loving Father and for you to be His child. God’s purpose is to be your ultimate parent and to fill your hungry soul.


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Happy Birthday Dad

happy birthday

As I sat in front of my computer this morning, with coffee in hand, I looked at the date on the bottom-right of the monitor and remembered that today is my dad’s birthday. He died almost two years ago. Some tears quickly came to my eyes. Not many, just one tear actually. I didn’t cry the day he died, or since, until this morning. The tear surprised me.

I felt I should pray for dad, though at first I didn’t know what to pray for. I don’t know where he was in his relationship with Jesus, so I asked God to show him some mercy – that’s always a good prayer. Then my mind went back to the tear. Why was it so hard for me to feel emotion over my dad’s death? Look, he wasn’t a great dad, but he was my dad, and though I believe I’ve forgiven him for past hurts, my emotions just don’t reflect forgiveness.

Then I think God dropped this message into my mind: “If you want Me to show your dad mercy, won’t don’t you show Him mercy? Let go of the pain that’s holding back the tears. There is love behind the damned up tears. Let it all flow.”

I love how God sometimes steps into the middle of my thoughts and shakes me up a bit. Though my dad was only human, with normal human flaws, my heavenly Dad fills in all the empty places… with His love. And I’m so grateful.

Happy Birthday dad.


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The Quiet Voice Within

Quiet voice

Three years of helping lead the church Junior High Youth Group – that’s all I had energy for. I graduated to the Senior High Group along with my youngest son, and the time was right for me because I was exhausted. Junior highers sometimes have an energy level that seems to be from another dimension.

Early on in my three years with the junior high group, I learned a trick from a battle-tested fellow leader. At first, I had tried to get the kids attention by being louder than them. This always failed because they just ratcheted up the volume beyond what my voice was capable of. Instead of being louder, the trick was to be quiet and soft-spoken. When the kids see a leader talking to them, yet they can’t hear his voice, they quiet down until they can hear. It takes effort on their part, a huge amount of effort for junior high kids. And it takes concentration. Yet they hear better this way.

I think that’s why the Spirit of God within me is so soft-spoken. Sometimes I wish He’d yell at me to wrest my attention away from all the junk in life that distracts me. But I believe He’s quiet because that’s His way of urging me to become quiet myself, and listen more intently. I think I hear God better because of His quiet voice within me. And I’m grateful.


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Wandering in the Wasteland

desert

My mind tends to wander in the wasteland; those dark and lifeless places where my thoughts get captured by the dusty and dying things of this world. Worrying about things at work, fretting about home projects, wondering about the future of our shrinking world with seemingly growing violence – such places are the wasteland of my mind.

But eventually I drag my mind out of the wasteland, brush off the dust, and look back to God. And He’s always there, always waiting for me, within my mind and with my soul. He never gives up on me, no matter how often I let myself get pulled into the wasteland. And I’m so grateful.


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Writing With His Voice

writing voice

Knowing with certainty that the Holy Spirit of Jesus lives within me, my goal while writing is to have my self quietly stay in the background, so that the voice that makes it to the paper will be His voice, Jesus’ voice. I often fail, for my self won’t shut up. Being the selfish self that I am, my own voice wants to be heard. But sometimes I’m quiet enough to hear Jesus within me, and let His voice make it to the paper. Those are the best writing times.


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Living for Eternity

God quiet

I thought I had found it. I thought I had discovered the underlying reason for our often-damaging natural human pride. But the flaws in my theory soon made themselves seen. Yet there are still parts of the theory that make sense to me.

They say that ego and arrogance come from insecurity – I believe this. I also believe that our mortality can feed our core sense of insecurity. Our life is short; we have little time to experience life – this can feed insecurity. Our mortal future may not be clear; we are uncertain of what waits for us on the other side of death – this gives more food to our insecurity. For those who are certain of heaven, they may feel uncertain of how God will judge them; and the insecurity gets bigger and stronger.

I don’t believe that pride and ego originated as a result of the insecurity that is fed by our mortality. But I do believe that our mortal insecurity feeds the pride that is already part of our natural humanity.

I constantly struggle with my own pride, striving to make it go away. Well, though I can’t make it go away entirely, maybe I can starve it and weaken it a bit… by living past my mortality and instead living for eternity. By faith, I want to accept my immortality that waits for me on the other side of death, and also accept the love and forgiveness already given to me by Jesus Christ. My eternal future is certain and bright.

I believe that accepting our bright immortal future will starve our insecurity, weaken our prideful human nature, and strengthen our humility. What do you think?


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I Surrender

surrender 2

Life can be wretched sometimes. Work can be a place of misery, feeling more like a prison; we don’t want to be there, but we must be there, we have no choice, for we need the money in order to pay the bills and make a living. “Living”… that’s almost a cruel joke, for it sometimes doesn’t feel like much of a life.

And then there’s our life outside of work, sometimes filled with relationships in turmoil. And don’t forget the mundane things, like the car that breaks down, the leaky faucet, the broken light fixture, the computer virus, with new problems always ready to replace those that get fixed.

And the worry list gets longer as sleep gets shorter. Is this how life was meant to be?

As most of us see it, we have two choices. Some choose the path of total escape… suicide. Most of us choose to not give up, but rather trudge our way through life, trying to make the best of what we have. Yet there’s a third choice. We can surrender.

Surrender your life to Jesus. Let Him have your life. Let Him deal with your problems. Let Him go to work for you. Let Him take on your worry list. Let Him have your mind, body, heart, and soul. Let Jesus live your life, through you.

The great irony is, once you surrender to Jesus, that’s when you will truly live. That’s when you will find true joy. Surrender isn’t easy, but it’s easier and better than the other two choices.


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Where to go to Church?

church

It’s Sunday morning – time to get ready to go to church. Do you have a church to go to? Do you have a way to get there? If not, maybe do as I’m doing on this Sunday. Instead of looking to others for “church,” look within yourself.

Find a quiet place to be alone, but not truly alone. As Paul said, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?” (1 Corinthians 6:19)

The one true Church, the Church that Jesus built, is not a building or a manmade organization. The true Church is the body in which the Holy Spirit of Jesus lives… my body, your body, the collective bodies of all who choose to believe and accept the gift of Jesus’ salvation and presence.

Manmade church can be great – I’ve grown a lot by going to such a church. But it’s not the true Church that Jesus built.

Do you want to go to Church today? Then quiet your mind, close your eyes, and look inside yourself … to the Spirit of Jesus within you. That’s where you can truly worship and praise Him. And maybe even sing a song for Him. I bet He’d enjoy such a one-person choir.

“But Christ is faithful as a son over God’s house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.” (Hebrews 3:6)

“And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” (Ephesians 2:22)