CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout

The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.

Tag Archives: Philosophy


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Escaping Stress… Chasing Peace – Day 7

Yesterday – day 7 of my journey to escape stress – was good. Better than day 6. Ironically, I think part of the reason was that I was more tired than usual… kind of groggy all day. When I’m like that, I’m in my whatever state. Meh, whatever, I don’t care. I love my whatever mind… so peaceful.

But it wasn’t my dull mind that brought me peace. My mind was dull to the stress-machines at work, which somehow made it easier for me to focus on the real presence of Jesus. Seeing and feeling Jesus within me is what brought me peace. More often than usual, I found myself frequently closing my eyes and visiting with Jesus. One time I barely opened my eyes in time to see my boss walk in… “Sleeping on the job CJ?” That would have been slick.

And then last night… something new smacked my mind. There’s some psychological thing that says that focusing on what you want to avoid will just bring you closer to what you want to avoid. Some law of negative reinforcement thing? I don’t know. But if my goal is to escape stress, I wonder if even using that word is hindering me. Well, I believe it could. So from now on, instead of escaping stress, I’m chasing peace. Hence the title change.

And for me, the formula for chasing peace is simple – focus on Jesus, from where all peace flows. Yet the execution of this formula is the hard part. Because it requires me to change my mind. And just ask my wife; it’s hard for me to change my mind sometimes.

But bring on day 8. Peace, I know you’re out there. You can’t escape me (too cocky… chill). The caffeine has kicked in, but I’m still feeling kind of groggy… and goofy. I like it.

 

←Day 6                    Day 8 →

 


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Escaping Stress – Day 6

Since I blew it on day 5, Sunday, I spent more time than usual yesterday morning quietly praying with Jesus. And I was surprised when I felt myself looking forward to going to work. I was excited about the interactions I would have with other people, even in the midst of the chaos that Monday promised. Now that’s not how I usually start off a Monday.

Well, day 6 of my journey to escape stress was just okay. Nothing special. I miss those first days of my journey, where the progress seemed large and the experience was fun. Yesterday I felt I was falling back to my old ways… at least a bit. I realize now that I was putting too much importance into the things of work, the tasks and projects and schedules and deadlines and all those problems. I let it all take hold and control my feelings. And I now see that when I let all that stuff take hold of me, it blinds me to the presence of the Spirit of Jesus within me. I can’t see Jesus because of the wall of work-stuff that holds me prisoner in my self-dug stress-pit. Oh, I tried looking for Jesus a lot yesterday, but the wall kept blocking my view. I can’t see Jesus when my mind is focused on the stuff.

But thanks to yesterday, my path to escaping stress is becoming clearer… I think. Maybe trying to explain it will bring it more into focus. Let’s see… well, I think I need to do three things at the same time:

  • I need to consider all the work-stuff as meaningless so it cannot take hold of my reactions and consume my attention;
  • I need to focus on the Spirit of Jesus within me, and let Him control my emotions and reactions. And He will help keep the wall from rising again.
  • And I need to totally trust Jesus to take control. I need to give myself to Him.

And then there’s the fourth thing that helps me. With my life’s meaning all about Jesus rather than work-stuff, I want to give more meaning to my other relationships, and my interactions with my co-workers. This fourth thing helps distract me from the stress-inducing stuff.

Day 7 here I come; though a little weary as I go. This takes effort. But I’m so tired of living in that dreary stress-pit – I don’t want to give up. Please pray for me, as I pray for you. Thanks.

 

← Day 5                    Day 7 →

 


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Escaping Stress – Day 5

Yesterday, day 5 on my journey to escape stress. Sunday. The day before Monday. Typically my most stressful day of the week. You see, I suffer from chronic The Day Before Monday Blues Syndrome. Have for years. It may be Sunday, but my mind tends to live in Monday and the stress-pit that is work. The only reason Sunday is more stressful than Monday, is that it feels like I’m wasting a day off of work. I’m tired of this crap. I want my Sunday to be filled with peace, not stress. That’s partly why I’m on this journey.

Well, I made a mistake yesterday. I rushed into day 5 without Jesus. I skipped my morning quiet time with God. And if you’ve been following my journey, you know that my secret to escaping stress is to start the day quietly with God and Jesus.

Oh I know… skipping quiet time with God on Sunday, of all days!? Well, I don’t attend church, as you may know. I haven’t for, oh, five years I think. But that’s no excuse, just a fact. As I’ve learned every other day of the week, I don’t need church on Sunday to help me get connected with God and Jesus.

Anyway, from the reading on my Stress-O-Meter, yesterday was okay. No worse than a typical Sunday. But I think it was a good reminder – and I need constant reminding – that I can’t escape stress alone. I need constant intimate contact with the Spirit of Jesus, here within me.

Are you on your own journey to escape stress? How’s it going? What’s working for you?

 

← Day 4                    Day 6 →

 


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Escaping Stress – Day 4

One of my secrets to avoiding stress is to focus on relationships and interactions with people, rather than stress-inducing stuff. But what will I do when a relationship is the source of my stress? Oh well, I’ll have to wait and see when it happens, for it certainly will.

Yesterday, day 4 of my journey to escape stress: I started out a bit nervous about the weekend. Oh, I understand my stress at work. But I have a talent for making weekends stressful too. I think it comes from my desire to make the most of my “free” time. There’s irony there, for I end up becoming a prisoner of my weekend free time. I’m driven to fill every minute with checking off items on my to-do list, and that drive breeds stress.

But thanks to my focused effort to escape stress, yesterday was different. The most stressful part of my day was when I read the final chapter in the book The Martian, by Andy Weir – you know, the Matt Damon movie. Except for those tense moments a few miles above Mars, yesterday was pretty stress-free.

And that’s because I followed the same path I was on at work last week. I tried to ignore my to-do list and just focus on each moment. Oh, I still did chores, but they’d lost their power over me. And, I focused on putting all I could into each interaction with other people – for people have more meaning than chores.

But most importantly, my mind kept drifting back to the Spirit of Jesus within me. I found myself thinking about Jesus more frequently than on a typical Saturday. And I think this is because the tingling of approaching stress has become a trigger for me, automatically sending my mind inward, to Jesus. And when I’m with Jesus, there is no stress… only peace.

I just hope I don’t lose hold of this. As I type this, it’s Sunday morning – sometimes my most stressful day of the week. Stay tuned.

 

← Day 3                    Day 5 →


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Escaping Stress – Day 3

Note to self: beware of relying on my own strength. As soon as I stop relying on the Spirit of Jesus to guide me on my journey to escape stress, I start to fall, and fail. I can’t do this on my own.

Oh, that’s right… I need my old friend humility. That will help me escape stress. Humility will help me rely on Jesus rather than myself. And humility will help me focus on the needs of others, rather than myself, which will help me focus more on my relationships (rather than myself).

But shortly after noon yesterday, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by all the stuff I still needed to do before I could leave work and begin to enjoy the weekend. My chest started to tighten – typical stress symptom for me. But I caught myself, closed my eyes, visualized the Spirit of Jesus inside me, and the tension immediately melted away. And I smiled. So cool. I’m having fun on this journey to escape stress.

I now know how it feels to be at peace even in the midst of chaos. Oh, I may have experienced this before, but I’d forgotten how it is when I don’t feel my usual internal tension, while the external tension is so deep I could drown in it.

Are you following me on this journey to escape stress? Are you trying some of the things I’m trying? If so, how is the journey going for you? Please let us know.

Thanks, CJ

 

← Day 2                    Day 4 →

 


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Escaping Stress – Day 2

I deceived myself yesterday. Oh, in my effort to escape the stress of work, I indeed focused on my interactions with co-workers, rather than the stress-pit of problems that fills my work day. But then I caught myself, though too late.

I snuck into the infrequently-stocked pantry at work and pocketed a sugar-filled cereal bar, twice. On a good day, I have no problem resisting sweets. But not yesterday. It’s a sure sign of stress – I run to sugar. Crap.

But the day wasn’t all sugar and stress. I did have some good moments. For example, I told two co-workers about my new approach to work; to turn my back on the stress-machines that are all the tasks and projects and problems of work, and instead focus on my new meaning for work… my relationships with co-workers. I think letting other people know about my journey will help motivate me to keep going. Maybe my efforts, and hopeful success, will help them on their own journey to escape the stress of work.

By the way, though I try to ignore the problems at work, I still get my work done, and more effectively than when I’m all stressed out. But the work itself has no meaning for me beyond the opportunity it gives me to have relationships with some really neat people.

Well, that’s on a good day. And as I said, yesterday had some problems. My mind seemed to easily loose hold of the secret.

So this morning, before stepping into Day 3 of my journey, I went back to the beginning, to my first blog post written on the morning I started on this journey (see it here), and I also read yesterday’s post. So today, before hitting the trail, I remind myself of my secret to escaping stress:

  1. The day starts when I take the time to push all the early-morning distractions out of my mind (usually thoughts about work), and rest in my quiet time with the Spirit of Jesus within me.
  2. The problems of work and life are meaningless.
  3. Meaning comes from being a light for Jesus, shinning His love on other people. Meaning comes from relationships.
  4. Never go into an interaction with someone alone. Always visualize the Spirit of Jesus with me, guiding me and encouraging me.

Okay, I think I’m ready to step off into Day 3. But first, I have a question for you, and I really hope you’ll share an answer. How do you escape stress? What has worked for you?

Thank you, CJ

 

← Day 1                    Day 3 →

 


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Escaping Stress – Day 1

The world is a stress-machine, cranking out high blood pressure, stomach acid, and emotional breakdowns. And I’m tired of it. Sometimes finding myself on the edge of an emotional cliff, looking down into the dark pit of a breakdown, I’ve decided it’s time to make my way to safer ground. So, I’ve stepped off on a journey to find a way to avoid stress, even while living in the midst of it. Do you want to join me? Well, here’s something I did yesterday that got me started:

First, I spent my early-morning coffee time with the Spirit of Jesus who hangs out with me – typical morning. But in our quiet time together, He prompted me to write a blog post that set the tone for the rest of my day (see it here).

For me, my main source of stress is work. So on my drive to work yesterday, I kept telling myself that the activities at work – all the projects and deadlines and tasks and problems and crises – they’re all meaningless, and they have no power over me. And the only thing that has true meaning is my relationships with my co-workers.

So, at work I did my tasks and dealt with my problems in a sort of detached way. I felt a bit insulated from those things that normally fill me with stress.

But what I put all my effort into was each interaction with the other people at work, even those who are often a source of my stress. Yet I wasn’t doing this alone. I kept seeing the Spirit of Jesus within me, guiding me and encouraging me.

It was awesome! Each interaction was calm and warm. I wonder if my co-workers were wondering what kind of drug I was on. (Yes, I can sometimes come across as intense at work.)

Also, I think it was my focus on others that resulted in me feeling insulated from the stressful tasks. Focus on others first, and it will put everything else into a right perspective. It was like my focus on people distracted me from the stuff that normally stresses me.

Okay, now to see if I can do this again. Here I go, stepping off into Day 2 of my journey. Come with me.

 

← The Beginning                    Day 2 →


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Escaping Stress

As a person who loves Jesus and thrives on His love for me, I really want to help show His love to other people. And I think the best way for me to do that is to be a light in this sometimes dark world. As Jesus said, “You are the light of the world … Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14, 16)

Well, I can’t do that when I’m all stressed out at work. When I let the stress of work pour into me, it fills me with darkness, and buries the light of Jesus under its quivering mass of dread (feeling poetic here). Anyway, when I let the stress take over, my co-workers know it. All light disappears and my mood gets dark.

But it gets better. For Jesus is gradually changing me. He’s showing me how the problems of work and life are meaningless, and that fulfillment comes from being His light, and shinning His love on other people. And He’s showing me how to let go of the things that stress me out.

It all starts with my quiet time with Him each morning. He fills me with His Spirit, pushing out all darkness. I may wake up and crawl out of bed dreading another day at work, but Jesus soon reminds me of what’s really important. It’s not success at work. It’s not accomplishments. It’s love; His love, shinning from His Spirit within me and pouring onto the people around me.

Do you dread today? Is the stress of life darkening your mood? Well, if so, then please join me on this journey to escape stress, even while living in the midst of it.

Day 1 →


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I’m Hungry for God’s Presence

[Look, something brought you to this blog post. If it was a mistake—sorry. But if you’d like to see something that is probably more worth your time, please check out the blurb about my soon-to-be-published novel on my new website. It’s basically about seeing a different perspective of Jesus, through the eyes of some background characters in the Bible. New website: cjpenn.com]

My gut is speaking to me. Or call it my inner voice. You know what I mean. It’s been talking to me for several weeks now, always with the same message, which goes something like this:

“CJ, even though you believe in the presence of the Spirit of God and Jesus within you, you’re not feeling the reality of who they are. Look, I’m talking about GOD here – the creator of all that exists – living WITHIN you! The ONE who gives you the reason for living, and loving. How do you think you would feel if you truly felt the reality of the presence of God within your very being, living with your soul?”

It’s that last question that’s been nagging at me. I believe that if I truly felt the reality of the Spirit of God and Jesus within me, I would be so overwhelmed with awe that I might spend most of my time weeping with gratitude. And it occurs to me; maybe God is protecting me from feeling the whole truth, for He knows how His reality could be so overwhelming for this tired soul called CJ.

But that sense of God’s protection doesn’t diminish my hunger for more of Him. Oh, I have random moments of awe, with a rush of love and gratitude. But I want more. I want as much of the reality of God that I can handle, and still be able to function without constantly breaking into tears of joy and gratitude. I hunger and thirst for the reality of God within me.

Dear Lord, that’s my prayer. Please open my eyes, my heart, and my mind to the reality of You… as much as you know I can handle. Amen


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To Leave Everything … and Follow Him

They left everything, and followed Jesus. I was reading in the gospel of Luke about when Jesus started calling the first disciples. When He called Peter and again when He called Matthew, Luke writes that they “left everything and followed him.” (Luke 5:11, 28) They left their former way of life – fishing for Peter and tax collecting for Matthew – and physically followed Jesus.

That’s fine for them, but what does it mean to me to leave everything? One thing I’m certain about, Jesus isn’t calling me to leave work, home, and family to physically follow Him on some mission trip. Since His Spirit lives within me, I don’t have to physically go anywhere in order to follow Him. I feel He wants me to follow Him right where I am; at work, home, and in my family.

But what is He calling me to leave behind? For me, I feel Jesus calling me to leave my old self behind. Myself, who reacts stressfully to chaotic stuff at work; myself, who is sometimes selfish and not thinking enough of the needs of others; and myself, who sometimes goes for long stretches of time without thinking of Jesus.

For me, I think it boils down to the call to be in the world, but not of the world; for example, to be at work, but not let work control my reactions to things. For me, to leave work and follow Jesus is to let Him control my reactions to the chaos of work.

I believe Jesus calls each of us in a very personal way; His call to you may be different from His call to me. Do you feel Jesus calling you to leave everything and follow Him? And what is He calling you to leave? What does this mean to you?


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Why Doesn’t God Give Up?

Sometimes I try to look at this world from a detached perspective. Like, how would this mashed up mixture of humanity look to an alien from another planet?

So much strife, and evil, and violence, and arrogance, and judgment, and hypocrisy, and selfishness, and hate, and on the list goes. What a mess we are!

And then I wonder… why doesn’t God give up on this failed experiment of humanity? If I were Him, I would have walked away a long time ago. But He didn’t give up. He hasn’t walked away. In fact, He sacrificed His Son in order to save this experiment.

WOW! God must love us a lot.


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Can You Hear My Voice?

I am the Holy Spirit – the voice of God here within you. I speak to you from the depths of your soul. I know that believing in me can be difficult. But even if you believe, it’s not always easy to listen.

You may look inside and see me here with your minds eye. Yet your mind doesn’t stop there. Your mind has so much to say. Try listening to yourself when you come to me while you pray. What do you hear? Does you mind ever stop talking?

Also, there are so many other voices within your mind, all clamoring for your attention – work, school, relationships – you know the voices that nag you and consume your mind.

I know it’s hard, but when you are able to gently silence those other voices, and when you are able to quiet the voice of your own mind; then please listen for my voice. And you will discover that even if I have nothing to say to you in that moment, your voiceless presence with me will give you complete peace. And it also gives me joy. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your love.


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Enemy Me

It’s hungry for all,

holding everyone prisoner,

except those he rescues.

It wants all of you;

it wants to control you –

your thoughts, your words, your actions, your soul.

You say things you wish you hadn’t said.

You do things you wish you hadn’t done.

And all the while, it’s reveling in its control over you.

Who is our enemy?

It’s pride. Selfishness. Self-centerness. Arrogance.

It’s the root of all evil in our world.

What wretched people we are!

Who will rescue us from our captor?

Thanks be to God – we are saved by Jesus Christ our Lord!

He gave us His Spirit, to fill our lives and push out pride.

He will arm us with His love and humility.

And rescue us from the prison of pride.

And I’m so grateful.

Thank you dear Jesus, our savior, our rescuer.


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The Answers to All Problems

Many people feel alone, overwhelmed with life, worried about stuff, depressed, and they are looking for answers. I believe the answer to all of our questions and worries is an intimate relationship with the Spirit of Jesus Christ.

I know it’s a lot to say that Jesus is the answer to ALL questions. But what makes this true is the relationship between our physical lives, and our spiritual lives. Our spirit/soul lives in another dimension; or you could think about it that way. Look at the spiritual as an umbrella, protecting the physical, mental, and emotional parts of our selves. What happens with our spiritual self affects the rest of who we are.

Or look it this way: your spirit/soul is like a vine planted in the ground. Your physical, mental and emotional branches are connected to the vine of your spirit. When your spirit has its roots deep in the truth of Jesus, then your branches draw up strength through your spiritual connection with His Spirit, living within you.

In this way, everything that is you is connected to Jesus. And this is why Jesus and the truth of His Spirit living within you is the answer to all your concerns and problems. You will find the peace that goes beyond our understanding, the peace that comes from that other dimension, when the roots of your soul are deeply entwined with the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ.


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Pulled Back From the Cliff, Again

The stress of work…

it grabbed a hold of my mind;

it dragged me to the edge of the cliff.

Such agony, teetering there on the edge,

looking down into the black pit,

the stale air rising up from below,

making it hard to breathe.

Every morning as I got out of bed,

my mind would run to work,

and drag me back to the edge of that pit.

My chest would tighten,

my blood pressure rising,

all day long.

And then God took my hand,

and He pulled me back

and into His arms, again.

And God reminded me of what He’d taught me before:

don’t try to control my day;

don’t be a victim of the day;

just Experience each day, with God,

and Trust God with control of my day.

Now I stand with the Spirit of Jesus,

holding His hand,

watching the day go by.

And that cliff is no longer in sight.

And I’m so grateful.


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Do you want to see God?

Friends say my oldest son looks like me. I don’t see it. Both of my sons look unique to me. And that person I see in the mirror looks unique to – he doesn’t look like me, but rather some older guy.

Anyway, this morning I was thinking about how those of us who believe in Jesus, in certain ways we look like our Father God. Of course it’s not our physical features that make us look like God, but rather how we interact with other people. It’s our love and compassion, our patience and understanding, our humility and peacefulness – these are the gifted traits we inherit from God that help us look like Him.

The part that rattles my mind is that other people can actually see God in me, when I let His gifted traits shine out. I’m still trying to get a grasp on that one.

Do you want to see God? Try looking in the mirror.


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Finding Peace in the Face of Terror

(Beware – Jesus Christ inside. If you are uncomfortable with Christianity… well, I’ve warned you.)

 

Does the terror in the world frighten you? Though others share your fears, do you feel alone in your fear? Does it feel like you are standing alone against the fear that darkens your mood? Does it feel like we are fighting the same enemy, but each of us is alone in our private battle?

I think these questions make sense, for since fear is an internal and individual emotion, we cannot band together to combat our private fear.

Look, I’m no preacher. I’m just a regular afraid person, maybe a lot like you. But I’m not alone in my battle against my fears. Yet, because of what’s going on in the world, I’m concerned for everyone who feels the knot in their stomach pull tighter with each terrorist attack. I wish I could help people deal with the terror. Yet, as I said above, you are alone in your battle. I can’t join you there.

But someone can. Yes, this is where Jesus enters in.

No matter what you see on the surface of Christianity, the truth is that Christianity is all about a personal and intimate relationship with Jesus. He’s alive, as Spirit. His body died, but his soul lives. And he wants to live with you.

A relationship with Jesus gives you a real sense that you are never alone. Jesus can be with you, helping you battle your fears. And he can help you understand why the world seems to be falling apart. There are answers that make sense, once you see them.

Jesus can also show you how to escape your world, and enter his world, the inner-mind where his Spirit and your soul live. And that’s where you can find a peace that confounds the terror of the outer world.

Do you want to find a way to fight against the terrorists and their efforts to infect the world with an epidemic of fear? If so, look for Jesus in your inner-mind.

If Christianity is new to you, there are lots of great churches and Christians who can help you. But no matter what path you follow, what’s most important is your personal time with Jesus. Go to a quiet place, empty your mind of the distractions of the world, (this is the hardest part for me), and look inside your inner-mind. With practice, you may start to feel Jesus there. And together, the two of you can win the battle against your fear.

 

 

(Originally posted on Dec. 5, 2015)


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It is Finished

The pain is constant. Searing. It feels like I’m on an ocean, and the waves of pain are crashing over me. When I lift up on my legs to breathe, the waves crash into my feet, up my legs and into my core. And then, when my legs give out and my full weight again falls on my arms, the waves crash into my chest and back, and my dislocated shoulders, and my arms and hands. And my skinless back rubs against the harsh wood of the cross. There is no escape.

Yet what feels worse than the pain is this feeling of being alone. Surrounded by this growing crowd, yet I don’t feel His presence. My Father is gone. I’ve never known this before, this emptiness, this parched, vast void of emptiness. It’s crushing my soul. The pain of the whip and the cross becomes numb next to this feeling of being so alone. Yes, I still feel the pain. It’s still there, sharp and mean. But its intensity is being overpowered by the agony of this aloneness, the agony of my Father no longer here with me. Oh, my humanness is shattered by the pain of the torture they whipped and pounded into me. But my spirit is collapsing under the weight of this emptiness.

“Father, why have you forsaken me?”

Yet I know why. It’s the sin. The sin of the world is upon me.

The pain is fading now, it’s becoming softer. It’s starting to feel more like a dream than real. And the light is fading; the sky darkens. The end must be near.

There, opening up before me, is a dark, lightless pit. Empty. Alone. This devouring emptiness is spewing from there… the very pit of hell. The presence of my Father is nowhere. Over there, toward the city gate, I see people and earth and sky. I see God’s creation. But this pit before me – there is nothing. No Father, no creation, just void. Hell; absolute emptiness, gaping wide, reaching for me. So dark, and hungry. It ravages me. It consumes me. It’s pulling on me, adding its dead weight to my dying arms. It’s rising up to grab me and pull me down, gripping me in its ravenous maw. With my death it will have me. It will swallow me. That inky, thick, black fog of dread and evil; it’s flowing over me. I’m drowning in the smothering dread of hell. I cannot breathe!

The pain is gone. The nails are gone. The cross is gone. I’m falling… into hell. All light and life are gone.

“It is finished.”
(An excerpt from a book I’m writing. Copyright 2015, CJ Penn)


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I am With You Always

Do you feel close to me, the Spirit of Jesus Christ living within you? Do you feel my presence? Have you grown to rely on me to be with you, always there when you need me? Do you feel the peace of our shared life together, our shared love together? Do you hunger and thirst for my presence, and do you feel a sting of panic if you don’t immediately sense me when you look my way?

One more question, a request really: imagine how you would feel if you looked for me and I was no longer there. Imagine what your life would be like without me.

If you feel a sense of utter, overpowering despair, then you have a small taste of how I felt when I died for you on that cross. For when I took the burden of the sins of humanity, my Father God and I were separated, no longer together, no longer one. His presence was gone. And I fell off that cross and into the black, empty void of despair… into hell.

But do not despair, for I will never leave you. I will always be with you.

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)


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The Last Guilty Man

I, the Spirit of Jesus Christ, am the last guilty man. For I became guilty of the sins of all humanity. I carried the burden of all sins through the streets of old Jerusalem and up that hill, where I paid the final penalty… the death sentence for my guilt.

Guilt died with me. There is no more guilt. It was my guilt that set you free of your guilt. I am the last guilty man. This is the truth.

“If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

 

 

(Originally posted on Dec. 4, 2015)