CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout

The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.

Tag Archives: Relationships


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A Love in His Image

Painfully obvious fact: being a parent isn’t always easy. A parent’s love for their children can be so huge, it almost hurts. And as I think about it, this parent-child relationship is really unique.

Yesterday was my younger son’s 26th birthday, and I thought about our relationship a lot during the day. I thought about the bond we have. I believe this bond is partly rooted in the mundane fact that he is biologically made up of parts of his mom and me – his DNA comes from us. I think it’s that biological bond that feeds my emotional bond… somehow.

Whether it’s the DNA thing or something else that creates this bond, the feeling is real and often intense. I sometimes don’t know how to express the love I feel for my sons, a love that I think gets a lot of its strength from this bond we have.

But why does this kind of love sometimes hurt – where’s the pain come from? Well, for me the pain comes from this bond that craves closeness. And as my sons have grown into men and launched off into lives out on their own, we’re never close enough. My love wants my little boy back, where I can cradle him in my arms, toss him in the air, and delight in his infectious giggle.

Being a parent can be difficult and painful and weird… and absolutely fantastic!

Okay, now what about God… our spiritual Parent? Since we were made in His image, our love is an image of His love – a blurry and weak reflection of God’s true love. Imagine the strength of the bond He feels with us. Imagine the love He feels for His children, and the pain of that love. Imagine the magnitude of His craving for closeness.

How does that make you feel?


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More Than a Thought

“The presence of God” – what does it mean? Is it keeping God in our thoughts, thinking of Him as often as we are able? Focusing my mind on God and Jesus throughout my day – is that my goal?

NO… that’s not good enough for me. And it’s not what Jesus promised.

Jesus prayed for and promised that we would remain “in” Him and He would remain “in” us (e.g., John 15:4). And Jesus made it clear throughout His teachings that He’s talking about His actual Spirit being in us; His Holy Spirit.

“The presence of God” is more than a thought. It’s the Holy Spirit living within you, sharing space with your soul. And I’m so grateful.


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I Surrender

I can’t handle the world – the world handles me.

It craves control of my mind,

It hungers to direct my actions.

I’m tired of being manipulated by the world.

But there is another way.

Time for a change.

I’m no longer a victim.

Surrender!

I wrest my life from the world and surrender it to God.

I pour out my self, and God fills me with Him.

What next?

That’s up to God.

What’s that I feel?

Excitement?

Anticipation?

Oh boy!!!


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A Constant Inner Joy

“His soul has been filled with a constant inner joy that is sometimes so overwhelming, he feels compelled to do what may seem to some as childish things, in order to prevent the feeling from becoming too intense.”

A constant inner joy – that’s what I crave. And I’m not alone in my hunger. There’s such an emptiness and need in this world for peace and joy. And it’s only found in an inner relationship with the Spirit of Jesus, living within us.

I’m re-reading The Practice of the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence (for about the sixth time). That’s where the quote above comes from. Brother Lawrence knew the constant inner joy of the presence of God.

I’m on a journey to feel that same overwhelming, constant inner joy. I want to act goofy and dance for joy, simply because I can’t help myself. And I hope that somehow, I can help others find their own constant inner joy. Would you like to come along on this journey?


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Chasing Surrender

Am I here? Have I found it? This feels like it could be right. This feels like it could be the absolute surrender I’ve been chasing for such a long time. Just sitting here in front of my computer, my copy of The Practice of the Presence of God sitting in my lap, eyes closed and mind open to the Spirit of Jesus living within me. And I believe I’ve sincerely offered to Him my life. And by that I mean, I’ve freely and without my own agenda, offered Him my time. What would He like me to do right now? What would He like me to write about?

And I’ve made a mind shift this morning. I have so many writing projects I’d like to work on; books, website changes, blog posts, and more books… lots of planned books to work on. But I’m no longer calling them “planned” books. Instead they are just “ideas” for books. And I’ve offered those ideas to Jesus. If He sees value in any of them, then I believe I have sincerely chosen to trust Him to do something about it, hopefully through me.

Is this true surrender? I think so. I hope so. I’ve been chasing surrender for such a long time, off and on. I hope I’ve finally caught up with it.


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God is My Laxative

Okay, I know this will sound weird and irreverent. But for me, it illustrates the tangible power of having a close relationship with God. And it tells you how messed up I can be.

Starting the day without God:

My mind is all over the day ahead, but never landing on God. The anticipated day is full of challenges and tension. And that tension rushes right down to my bowels. And then reading the newspaper closes things up real tight, especially with the political circus going on in the US right now.

Starting my day WITH God:

After getting past the morning distractions, my mind finally lands on the Spirit of Jesus, living here within me. And I remember my weak and flawed surrender to Him. Yet He honors my desire and strengthens that surrender, and fortifies my minds hold onto Him. And I feel His presence here within me. And I feel His love and peace. And I feel the hope of His promise to always remain here with me. And my emotions swell with love for Him.

And I feel totally relaxed. You can figure out what happens next.

God – the best way to start the day.


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It’s Love…

… His love for you, and your love for Him.

That’s what connects you to the Spirit of Jesus, living within you.

It’s not your mind… too many distractions in this life God gave you.

But where there’s love, true love… when you mind turns away from distractions and looks inside to Jesus, He’s always there, waiting for you, holding fast to your love.

And you will truly feel Him – no more doubts.

It’s love, true love, unconditional and humble love that surrenders you heart and life to Him.

Do you crave His presence?

Then look to your love.

With a dedicated and humble heart, love grows, and true love will blossom.

And you will never feel alone again.


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Hi Blogging Friend

This blogging thing is weird.

Friends made, not seen.

I notice you when you visit,

when you “like” one of my posts for some reason.

Your familiar postage-stamp image brings me a smile.

Comments help me know you better.

And sometimes I visit your blog home,

and hang out with you for a bit.

I feel we could be friends.

In a way, we are.

But it’s not the same.

It feels hollow; reality is missing.

A friend made, yet not seen.

This blogging thing is weird.

My heart wants more than this.

I think I need a hug.


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Escaping Stress… Chasing Peace – Day 8

I’ve tried this kind of thing before – I’m always looking for another method to feel closer to Jesus and fill my life with peace. Whatever new trick I try, it usually soon fades from my mind and I fall back to my robotic and habitual ways of slogging my way through life.

But this time is different. I’ve never written a daily blog post about my experience. It’s helping me stay focused and on track, keeping me from losing sight of my goal. And I have a hope that this journal of my journey will help some of you who read about it.

Anyway, yesterday – day 8 of my journey in search of lasting peace – was a very good day. If you read Day 7’s entry, you’ll see that I started off in a goofy mood – always a good way to start any day. Since I often take things in life too seriously, it helps to swing to the opposite end of the spectrum.

But the best part about yesterday, as always, was the feeling of the presence of Jesus. As I went about the day, I frequently looked inside to His Spirit within, and I thanked Him for being with me. I realize now that a big part of yesterday was my feeling of gratitude.

And I frequently chatted with Jesus about what was going on at work. We talked mostly about my co-workers. And since I wanted to hold onto my sense of goofiness, we plotted little jokes and funny things to say. We had fun helping others lighten up yesterday. For those with a sense of humor, it was easy. But for the more serious people, like the managers, many of them were not in the mood for silliness. Yet my hope is that the peace they saw in me somehow gave them a taste of peace for themselves.

One unexpected outcome of me focusing more on Jesus than the stress-machines at work is that I’ve been more productive at work. I think I’ve known this all along, but stress reduces my productivity.

Please consider joining me on this journey. Or rather, step off on your own personal journey in search of lasting peace. Have you done this already? How’s it going? What’s working for you? Please share with others… it helps us all. Thanks.

 

←Day 7                    Day 9 →

 


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Escaping Stress… Chasing Peace – Day 7

Yesterday – day 7 of my journey to escape stress – was good. Better than day 6. Ironically, I think part of the reason was that I was more tired than usual… kind of groggy all day. When I’m like that, I’m in my whatever state. Meh, whatever, I don’t care. I love my whatever mind… so peaceful.

But it wasn’t my dull mind that brought me peace. My mind was dull to the stress-machines at work, which somehow made it easier for me to focus on the real presence of Jesus. Seeing and feeling Jesus within me is what brought me peace. More often than usual, I found myself frequently closing my eyes and visiting with Jesus. One time I barely opened my eyes in time to see my boss walk in… “Sleeping on the job CJ?” That would have been slick.

And then last night… something new smacked my mind. There’s some psychological thing that says that focusing on what you want to avoid will just bring you closer to what you want to avoid. Some law of negative reinforcement thing? I don’t know. But if my goal is to escape stress, I wonder if even using that word is hindering me. Well, I believe it could. So from now on, instead of escaping stress, I’m chasing peace. Hence the title change.

And for me, the formula for chasing peace is simple – focus on Jesus, from where all peace flows. Yet the execution of this formula is the hard part. Because it requires me to change my mind. And just ask my wife; it’s hard for me to change my mind sometimes.

But bring on day 8. Peace, I know you’re out there. You can’t escape me (too cocky… chill). The caffeine has kicked in, but I’m still feeling kind of groggy… and goofy. I like it.

 

←Day 6                    Day 8 →

 


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Escaping Stress – Day 6

Since I blew it on day 5, Sunday, I spent more time than usual yesterday morning quietly praying with Jesus. And I was surprised when I felt myself looking forward to going to work. I was excited about the interactions I would have with other people, even in the midst of the chaos that Monday promised. Now that’s not how I usually start off a Monday.

Well, day 6 of my journey to escape stress was just okay. Nothing special. I miss those first days of my journey, where the progress seemed large and the experience was fun. Yesterday I felt I was falling back to my old ways… at least a bit. I realize now that I was putting too much importance into the things of work, the tasks and projects and schedules and deadlines and all those problems. I let it all take hold and control my feelings. And I now see that when I let all that stuff take hold of me, it blinds me to the presence of the Spirit of Jesus within me. I can’t see Jesus because of the wall of work-stuff that holds me prisoner in my self-dug stress-pit. Oh, I tried looking for Jesus a lot yesterday, but the wall kept blocking my view. I can’t see Jesus when my mind is focused on the stuff.

But thanks to yesterday, my path to escaping stress is becoming clearer… I think. Maybe trying to explain it will bring it more into focus. Let’s see… well, I think I need to do three things at the same time:

  • I need to consider all the work-stuff as meaningless so it cannot take hold of my reactions and consume my attention;
  • I need to focus on the Spirit of Jesus within me, and let Him control my emotions and reactions. And He will help keep the wall from rising again.
  • And I need to totally trust Jesus to take control. I need to give myself to Him.

And then there’s the fourth thing that helps me. With my life’s meaning all about Jesus rather than work-stuff, I want to give more meaning to my other relationships, and my interactions with my co-workers. This fourth thing helps distract me from the stress-inducing stuff.

Day 7 here I come; though a little weary as I go. This takes effort. But I’m so tired of living in that dreary stress-pit – I don’t want to give up. Please pray for me, as I pray for you. Thanks.

 

← Day 5                    Day 7 →

 


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Escaping Stress – Day 5

Yesterday, day 5 on my journey to escape stress. Sunday. The day before Monday. Typically my most stressful day of the week. You see, I suffer from chronic The Day Before Monday Blues Syndrome. Have for years. It may be Sunday, but my mind tends to live in Monday and the stress-pit that is work. The only reason Sunday is more stressful than Monday, is that it feels like I’m wasting a day off of work. I’m tired of this crap. I want my Sunday to be filled with peace, not stress. That’s partly why I’m on this journey.

Well, I made a mistake yesterday. I rushed into day 5 without Jesus. I skipped my morning quiet time with God. And if you’ve been following my journey, you know that my secret to escaping stress is to start the day quietly with God and Jesus.

Oh I know… skipping quiet time with God on Sunday, of all days!? Well, I don’t attend church, as you may know. I haven’t for, oh, five years I think. But that’s no excuse, just a fact. As I’ve learned every other day of the week, I don’t need church on Sunday to help me get connected with God and Jesus.

Anyway, from the reading on my Stress-O-Meter, yesterday was okay. No worse than a typical Sunday. But I think it was a good reminder – and I need constant reminding – that I can’t escape stress alone. I need constant intimate contact with the Spirit of Jesus, here within me.

Are you on your own journey to escape stress? How’s it going? What’s working for you?

 

← Day 4                    Day 6 →

 


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Escaping Stress – Day 4

One of my secrets to avoiding stress is to focus on relationships and interactions with people, rather than stress-inducing stuff. But what will I do when a relationship is the source of my stress? Oh well, I’ll have to wait and see when it happens, for it certainly will.

Yesterday, day 4 of my journey to escape stress: I started out a bit nervous about the weekend. Oh, I understand my stress at work. But I have a talent for making weekends stressful too. I think it comes from my desire to make the most of my “free” time. There’s irony there, for I end up becoming a prisoner of my weekend free time. I’m driven to fill every minute with checking off items on my to-do list, and that drive breeds stress.

But thanks to my focused effort to escape stress, yesterday was different. The most stressful part of my day was when I read the final chapter in the book The Martian, by Andy Weir – you know, the Matt Damon movie. Except for those tense moments a few miles above Mars, yesterday was pretty stress-free.

And that’s because I followed the same path I was on at work last week. I tried to ignore my to-do list and just focus on each moment. Oh, I still did chores, but they’d lost their power over me. And, I focused on putting all I could into each interaction with other people – for people have more meaning than chores.

But most importantly, my mind kept drifting back to the Spirit of Jesus within me. I found myself thinking about Jesus more frequently than on a typical Saturday. And I think this is because the tingling of approaching stress has become a trigger for me, automatically sending my mind inward, to Jesus. And when I’m with Jesus, there is no stress… only peace.

I just hope I don’t lose hold of this. As I type this, it’s Sunday morning – sometimes my most stressful day of the week. Stay tuned.

 

← Day 3                    Day 5 →


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Escaping Stress – Day 3

Note to self: beware of relying on my own strength. As soon as I stop relying on the Spirit of Jesus to guide me on my journey to escape stress, I start to fall, and fail. I can’t do this on my own.

Oh, that’s right… I need my old friend humility. That will help me escape stress. Humility will help me rely on Jesus rather than myself. And humility will help me focus on the needs of others, rather than myself, which will help me focus more on my relationships (rather than myself).

But shortly after noon yesterday, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by all the stuff I still needed to do before I could leave work and begin to enjoy the weekend. My chest started to tighten – typical stress symptom for me. But I caught myself, closed my eyes, visualized the Spirit of Jesus inside me, and the tension immediately melted away. And I smiled. So cool. I’m having fun on this journey to escape stress.

I now know how it feels to be at peace even in the midst of chaos. Oh, I may have experienced this before, but I’d forgotten how it is when I don’t feel my usual internal tension, while the external tension is so deep I could drown in it.

Are you following me on this journey to escape stress? Are you trying some of the things I’m trying? If so, how is the journey going for you? Please let us know.

Thanks, CJ

 

← Day 2                    Day 4 →

 


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Escaping Stress – Day 2

I deceived myself yesterday. Oh, in my effort to escape the stress of work, I indeed focused on my interactions with co-workers, rather than the stress-pit of problems that fills my work day. But then I caught myself, though too late.

I snuck into the infrequently-stocked pantry at work and pocketed a sugar-filled cereal bar, twice. On a good day, I have no problem resisting sweets. But not yesterday. It’s a sure sign of stress – I run to sugar. Crap.

But the day wasn’t all sugar and stress. I did have some good moments. For example, I told two co-workers about my new approach to work; to turn my back on the stress-machines that are all the tasks and projects and problems of work, and instead focus on my new meaning for work… my relationships with co-workers. I think letting other people know about my journey will help motivate me to keep going. Maybe my efforts, and hopeful success, will help them on their own journey to escape the stress of work.

By the way, though I try to ignore the problems at work, I still get my work done, and more effectively than when I’m all stressed out. But the work itself has no meaning for me beyond the opportunity it gives me to have relationships with some really neat people.

Well, that’s on a good day. And as I said, yesterday had some problems. My mind seemed to easily loose hold of the secret.

So this morning, before stepping into Day 3 of my journey, I went back to the beginning, to my first blog post written on the morning I started on this journey (see it here), and I also read yesterday’s post. So today, before hitting the trail, I remind myself of my secret to escaping stress:

  1. The day starts when I take the time to push all the early-morning distractions out of my mind (usually thoughts about work), and rest in my quiet time with the Spirit of Jesus within me.
  2. The problems of work and life are meaningless.
  3. Meaning comes from being a light for Jesus, shinning His love on other people. Meaning comes from relationships.
  4. Never go into an interaction with someone alone. Always visualize the Spirit of Jesus with me, guiding me and encouraging me.

Okay, I think I’m ready to step off into Day 3. But first, I have a question for you, and I really hope you’ll share an answer. How do you escape stress? What has worked for you?

Thank you, CJ

 

← Day 1                    Day 3 →

 


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Escaping Stress – Day 1

The world is a stress-machine, cranking out high blood pressure, stomach acid, and emotional breakdowns. And I’m tired of it. Sometimes finding myself on the edge of an emotional cliff, looking down into the dark pit of a breakdown, I’ve decided it’s time to make my way to safer ground. So, I’ve stepped off on a journey to find a way to avoid stress, even while living in the midst of it. Do you want to join me? Well, here’s something I did yesterday that got me started:

First, I spent my early-morning coffee time with the Spirit of Jesus who hangs out with me – typical morning. But in our quiet time together, He prompted me to write a blog post that set the tone for the rest of my day (see it here).

For me, my main source of stress is work. So on my drive to work yesterday, I kept telling myself that the activities at work – all the projects and deadlines and tasks and problems and crises – they’re all meaningless, and they have no power over me. And the only thing that has true meaning is my relationships with my co-workers.

So, at work I did my tasks and dealt with my problems in a sort of detached way. I felt a bit insulated from those things that normally fill me with stress.

But what I put all my effort into was each interaction with the other people at work, even those who are often a source of my stress. Yet I wasn’t doing this alone. I kept seeing the Spirit of Jesus within me, guiding me and encouraging me.

It was awesome! Each interaction was calm and warm. I wonder if my co-workers were wondering what kind of drug I was on. (Yes, I can sometimes come across as intense at work.)

Also, I think it was my focus on others that resulted in me feeling insulated from the stressful tasks. Focus on others first, and it will put everything else into a right perspective. It was like my focus on people distracted me from the stuff that normally stresses me.

Okay, now to see if I can do this again. Here I go, stepping off into Day 2 of my journey. Come with me.

 

← The Beginning                    Day 2 →


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To Leave Everything … and Follow Him

They left everything, and followed Jesus. I was reading in the gospel of Luke about when Jesus started calling the first disciples. When He called Peter and again when He called Matthew, Luke writes that they “left everything and followed him.” (Luke 5:11, 28) They left their former way of life – fishing for Peter and tax collecting for Matthew – and physically followed Jesus.

That’s fine for them, but what does it mean to me to leave everything? One thing I’m certain about, Jesus isn’t calling me to leave work, home, and family to physically follow Him on some mission trip. Since His Spirit lives within me, I don’t have to physically go anywhere in order to follow Him. I feel He wants me to follow Him right where I am; at work, home, and in my family.

But what is He calling me to leave behind? For me, I feel Jesus calling me to leave my old self behind. Myself, who reacts stressfully to chaotic stuff at work; myself, who is sometimes selfish and not thinking enough of the needs of others; and myself, who sometimes goes for long stretches of time without thinking of Jesus.

For me, I think it boils down to the call to be in the world, but not of the world; for example, to be at work, but not let work control my reactions to things. For me, to leave work and follow Jesus is to let Him control my reactions to the chaos of work.

I believe Jesus calls each of us in a very personal way; His call to you may be different from His call to me. Do you feel Jesus calling you to leave everything and follow Him? And what is He calling you to leave? What does this mean to you?


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The Answers to All Problems

Many people feel alone, overwhelmed with life, worried about stuff, depressed, and they are looking for answers. I believe the answer to all of our questions and worries is an intimate relationship with the Spirit of Jesus Christ.

I know it’s a lot to say that Jesus is the answer to ALL questions. But what makes this true is the relationship between our physical lives, and our spiritual lives. Our spirit/soul lives in another dimension; or you could think about it that way. Look at the spiritual as an umbrella, protecting the physical, mental, and emotional parts of our selves. What happens with our spiritual self affects the rest of who we are.

Or look it this way: your spirit/soul is like a vine planted in the ground. Your physical, mental and emotional branches are connected to the vine of your spirit. When your spirit has its roots deep in the truth of Jesus, then your branches draw up strength through your spiritual connection with His Spirit, living within you.

In this way, everything that is you is connected to Jesus. And this is why Jesus and the truth of His Spirit living within you is the answer to all your concerns and problems. You will find the peace that goes beyond our understanding, the peace that comes from that other dimension, when the roots of your soul are deeply entwined with the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ.