What’s it mean to be a disciple of Jesus? As I waited for my morning coffee to fire up the brain cells, some of those cells got stuck on this question. Then my brain took a little walk and stumbled upon these words from Jesus:

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23 NIV)

Hmm. You know, I’ve been on this journey called life a long time. My goals have changed over the years, but as I’ve gotten older—and hopefully a little wiser—my goals have become less focused on myself and more focused on God and Jesus, and my relationship with them. And I’ve come to see that “self” can be a very troublesome character.

Self is that little devil on my shoulder telling me to do the opposite of what my conscience—on the other shoulder—is encouraging me to do. Looking back, I see that self and its utter selfishness is the root cause of almost all my troubles. Either self has created problems directly, or its selfish reaction to external problems has caused me to internalize those problems.

I think it’s my evolving perspective of self that’s helped open my eyes to see a clearer image of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. For me, it’s denying self. I want to live as if my self were dead. I want to leave self hanging on its cross, and follow Jesus wherever He wants to lead me. And I want to have the peace that Paul promised when he said,

“The mind governed by the flesh [aka, self] is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6 NIV)

I want the Holy Spirit—whom I see as sitting on my other shoulder with my conscience—to control my thoughts. I want the Spirit of Jesus to live within me, and through me, leading me to wherever He wants me to go. And I believe that’s ultimately what it means to be a disciple of Jesus.