CJ Penn's Online Writing Hangout

The reason I write: To promote Christian truth and help Jesus get His Christianity back.

Author Archives: CJ Penn


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Playing with God

Watch a group of young children at play sometime. Made-up games, with few rules. One game may morph into another game. Full of fun and giggles. Spontaneous, out of control and unpredictable.

I just started reading the book, “The Good and Beautiful Life,” by James Bryan Smith. Just a little ways into it, he introduced the idea of play and how it relates to our life with God.

I think I’ve had times of playing with God, without realizing it. Spontaneous, out of control and unpredictable. Like the mornings where He and I get together in thought, and I just relax my mind and ask Him what He wants to do. In a way, maybe I’m letting God choose the game. And it’s in these moments of giving control to God where some of my best writing has sprouted. It’s a blast!

Playing with God: what does this mean to me? Just relax, trust Him as a child would trust, and have fun. Humbly let go of the desire to control and happily follow the Leader, wherever He may lead. And I believe that when you’ve found the fun, the joy, of playing with God – then you have found the true presence of God within you.


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Trusting my Ghost Writer

trust

All I need do is show up – He’ll take it from there. I’m working on revision 10 of a book I’m writing, with help from my ghost writer, the Holy Spirit of God. I’ve written about my ghost writer before (here).

This past weekend, as I found a moment in-between to-do list chores, I sat at the dining room table and began to try to clear my mind of the distractions around me. This can be the hardest part of my writing – getting focused. It can be painful for me to concentrate on my editing, and find and fix the troubled spots in the latest draft. I feel the pressure of not wanting to miss anything.

The answer then became suddenly clear. All I need do is open the binder holding revision 10, grab a pencil, and read. The Spirit of Jesus within me will show me what needs changing. I can just relax and trust Him.

At that moment, I truly felt the trust – not just a promise of trust, but a true and tangible reality of trust. It felt great to relax, read, and wait on Jesus to point out the weak spots in my writing. I so love writing this way, with absolute trust in the Holy Spirit. Thank you dear Jesus.


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“Sorry” from the Holy Spirit within

Im sorry

“I’m sorry.” It’s maybe not too difficult to say, but often very hard to sincerely mean. There have been times when I’ve been able to force it out of my mouth, but something leaves a bitter feeling in my heart. I believe that’s the insincerity of my apology, irritating me like an itchy scab.

I came across a good blog post this morning about the difficulties some of us have with sincerely apologizing to God for our sins… repentance. (see it here). Why is it hard for Christians to sincerely repent?

For me, it takes true humility to admit our mistakes and repent, or tell a friend we are sorry. That’s why repentance is so difficult, because humility is not part of our prideful human nature. I believe the remedy for our lack of repentance is to focus our attention on the Holy Spirit, rather than on “self.” And if we can muster enough humility to let the Spirit into our lives, He will show us the path to true humility… and true repentance.

Yet, we shouldn’t stress about our lack of repentance. We should instead focus on our relationship with the Holy Spirit. He will then lead us to repentance.


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Writing for Love of Family

writing love

Most of my family isn’t Christian. I’m the family Jesus freak. Whenever a sister, niece, nephew, or in-law is brave enough to mention anything Christian around me, it’s clear their perspective of Christianity has been polluted by false information.

That’s why I’m writing the book I’ve been working on for the past 6 years. I just realized that I spent the first 4 ½ years doing research. It’s only the past 1 ½ years that I’ve been doing real writing.

Anyway, what gets me up at 4:00am each morning so I can write before going to work is love for my family. It hurts me to see some of them hurting because of the false ideas they have about God and Jesus. If they only knew the truth… they still might not accept Jesus, but at least they could make their decision based on truth, rather than lies.

And so I write, with the hope that I put my “self” aside long enough to let Jesus speak His truth to my family, through the book. His truth can set them free from the pain of the troubles in their lives.


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A God we can feel close to

close to God

As the coffee finally began to take effect this morning, I more easily focused my mind in prayer. I tried to empty my thoughts and open myself up to God, asking Him to fill me with His wishes. Does He want me to write a blog post this morning, work on the book, go in search of other blog posts that have a message He wants me to see, or something else?

In my minds eye, I pictured all-mighty God, the creator of all that exists. And I believe what I felt was fear, fear of the Lord. Not a fear of harm. But getting so close to such immense power – there’s something a bit frightening about that. In a way, it’s like when my son gave us a tour of the nuclear power plant he works at – so much power it’s almost scary.

Anyway, in the midst of my sense of fear, my mind turned to Jesus. I can picture Jesus, with our shared humanity. And I found myself overwhelmed with gratitude. God so loves us that He sent His Son to be one of us. Where God feels too immense for me to feel close to, I can feel close to Jesus, my fellow human.

Maybe this is another reason God sent Jesus to share our humanity – so there would be a piece of Him that His human children can more easily snuggle up to in prayer. Jesus knows what I’m going through. He’s lived through many of the same temptations. He knows what it’s like to be human. And I’m so grateful. Thank you Lord.


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Dear God

[Look, something brought you to this blog post. If it was a mistake—sorry. But if you’d like to see something that is probably more worth your time, please check out the blurb about my soon-to-be-published novel on my new website. It’s basically about seeing a different perspective of Jesus, through the eyes of some background characters in the Bible. New website: cjpenn.com]

dear God

 

I just started reading “The Good and Beautiful Life,” by James Bryan Smith. Chapter One invited me to write a letter to God, describing the kind of life I want to live. Here is my letter.

Dear God,

The life I want most for myself is a life of You living through me. I desire with all my heart that when others look at me, they see You. I desire never to do or say something that you wouldn’t do or say. I desire to live with honor, integrity, compassion, humility, forgiveness, understanding, and true love toward all who come into my life. I desire to be a true image of You. Thank you dear Lord.


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Forgiveness or Misery

scale

It takes humility to really forgive, to take your eyes off your SELF long enough to waive goodbye to the hurt. I found myself thinking about forgiveness yesterday – don’t know why. I guess I was just struck with the thought that everyone needs forgiveness of something. And it seems like there’s not enough humility to counter the hurtful acts needing forgiveness.

Then this new thought crashed into my Sunday-slumbering mind: humanity, by our sinful and prideful human nature, is all messed up. It’s just part of who we are. Therefore, by our nature, we will all hurt others, intentionally or not. And we will all create a need for forgiveness.

Then this thought hit me: for those who cannot learn to forgive others, they are doomed to a life of unforgiving misery, for there will ALWAYS be hurt needing forgiveness.

Maybe look at it this way: visualize an old-fashioned scale with the cross-arm and a bowl hanging off each end. In one bowl are all the hurtful acts that need forgiveness. In the other bowl is our capacity to forgive. The hurtful bowl is overflowing – again, it’s just who we are as humans. The forgiveness bowl is often nearly empty. Our life is out of balance, unless we are able to increase our capacity to forgive.

God can give us that capacity, if we desire. God can show us the futility of holding a grudge, since humanity will always create hurt. God can bring balance to our life.


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Love on the Cross

love on cross

See Him hanging on the cross. Ragged. Beaten. Dying. Willingly surrendering to ravenous sin. Only moments left now. Father, where are you? I can’t see you anymore. My heart is bursting with pain – Father, the pain of separation is overpowering.

It is finished. Father and Son are no longer one. No longer together. Ripped apart by the evil of sin, the sin of the world. Father held out His Son, giving Him to sin as payment, willingly letting go of His dearly loved one.

This is love… for you and me.

There are three true powers in the world: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Love never fails. Love concurred sin. Open your heart and feel His love… for you.


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The Final Draft

final draft

When will I ever be finished with the book I’m writing? Which revision will be the final draft? I’m working on rev 9, and I know for sure there will be a rev 10. I recently wrote about my anguish and impatience (see it here). Since I’m a tinkerer, I sometimes fear that I will never be finished, that I will keep tweaking the book, always looking for ways to make it better. In the engineering world of which I work, there is a saying: there comes a time in every project to shoot the designer and release the product. Am I going to have to shoot myself in order to settle for a final draft?

This morning I found myself praying about trusting God. And this is what came into my mind: I don’t have to worry about the final draft. Since in my effort to write this book all I’m trying to do is be Gods pen, with Him the author, the final draft is up to Him. He will decide which draft is final, and He will make it clear to me. In fact, He already has. All I have to do is trust Him. And I do. Thank you Lord.


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Heaven is for Real?

I watched the movie, “Heaven is for Real” last night. I had read the book, but that was a few years ago. What hit me in the face from the movie was the struggle the pastor dad went through… his struggle when faced with compelling evidence for the existence of heaven. Such evidence can really have you questioning your faith, for you would then need to decide whether to accept or reject the evidence – which is to accept or reject everything you believe about God.

After the movie, I started questioning my own beliefs. If faced with similar evidence, how would I react? Is my faith strong enough to excitedly accept such evidence? I think so, but I don’t feel safe in assuming so. I guess I’m just not certain. It’s weird. I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life, even as I write these words. But that’s based on faith, which is believing in things despite the lack of evidence. What happens to our faith when faced with undisputable evidence? The thought is scary to me.

Yet I see evidence of God all the time, as long as I have my eyes and mind open. I’m confused. Sorry for the weird post – it just felt right to put it up on the site. I hope you all have a great day.

CJ


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Why Surrender?

surrender

Life has worn me down. Life has stressed me out. Worry assaults me. So I surrender.

I am tired. Life is too hard. I can’t handle it on my own. So I surrender.

My mind holds me captive to judgment, worry, fear, anger, impatience, selfishness. So I surrender.

He gave His life for mine. He surrendered His life for me. So I surrender to Him.

Why surrender? Because I love Him. I wish my love came for free. But He paid a high price, the highest. It took that price to buy my love. Yes, I feel ashamed. But His love is overpowering my shame. The dark shadow of my shame vanishes under the brilliant light of His love. All that is left is love. And with all my love, I surrender to you dear Jesus.

With all my heart,

CJ Penn


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The Judge within Me

do not judge

“Do not judge.” This order is scattered throughout the bible. Yet Christians have a reputation for being judgmental. Look, it’s who we are as humans, like part of our DNA. I’m not sometimes judgmental because I’m Christian, but because I’m human. And because of my ever-growing love for God and Jesus, I usually come down hard on myself when I discover I’m judging others. Sometimes I make myself miserable with guilt.

But wait, where does guilt come from? It comes from a judgment. I judge myself guilty… in this case, guilty of being judgmental.

In a recent blog-conversation I had with someone about Scary Christians, this thought occurred to me: as we shouldn’t judge others, we should not judge ourselves.

Instead of focusing on ourselves, the cure for being judgmental is to focus more on the Holy Spirit within. Do not judge… yourself. Leave guilt behind and look instead to the Holy Spirit of God and Jesus within you. And He will set you free.


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My Ghost Writer

ghost writer

He did it again… my ghost writer. I’m working on revision 9 of a book I’m collaborating on with my ghost writer friend. Yesterday I finished marking up chapter 20 with more fine-tuning changes (part of what sometimes feels like my never-ending editing process). This morning I got up at 4:00am, as usual, to get in some writing before heading to work. I had intended to start editing chapter 21. But as I got out of bed, the thought became clear that I needed to go back and take another look at chapter 20. My ghost writer was talking to me again.

Got my coffee and settled myself in my makeshift “office” (a walled-off corner in the garage), and while letting the coffee cup warm my hands, I prayed, as usual. This thought came clearly into my mind: there was a glaring problem buried within chapter 20 that I needed to uncover and fix. My ghost writer, the Holy Spirit of God within me, was making my task for this morning clear.

And sure enough, as I read my way through chapter 20, I turned a page and there was the problem – a couple of unclear and awkward paragraphs. And the whole section looked a lot better with those paragraphs crossed out.

This is the way it goes, writing with the Holy Ghost. Is God really speaking to me, giving me direction on how to write this book? Well, the answer depends on what you believe. For me, I certainly believe so. And I’m so grateful. Thank you God.


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The Shark within Me

shark

Ever circling. Lidless eyes, ever searching. Jagged teeth, ever ready to devour innocence. Ever within me, part of me, torturing me. Ever my ego, my pride, my self, my shark.

My ego is the shark within me, always searching for something to capture and make its own. For example, since I started posting again on this blog after taking a long break, my ego has become intoxicated over things like number of page views and number of followers. I keep telling my “self” that none of that matters, but I often lose the argument.

Whenever I win the argument, it’s because I walk away from the argument. I win when I ignore my yammering ego and instead focus on the Holy Spirit within me. The shark has no chance against the Spirit. Dear Jesus, thank you.


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Scary Christians

scary Christians

I’ve commented on a couple of blogs recently, where the topic was Christians who scare others away from Christianity by their behavior – judgmental, hypocritical, arrogant, etc. I agree that the biggest hindrance to Christianity is Christians. And I relate to something Ghandi once said: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike Christ.” Yet the truth is, none of us is like Christ. Some get close, but none lives the completely humble and love-filled life Jesus lived.

I can be quick to criticize ugly Christians. But that just brings me closer to their level. And the truth is, we are all broken humans, with a human nature that is so unlike Christ. For our nature is filled with pride and selfishness, some more full of themselves than others. But it’s who we are as humans. For me to criticize ugly Christians is hypocrisy.

Might an ugly Christian be a sign that the person doesn’t know Jesus very well? Could be. But who am I to judge?

By the way, most Christians I know are not very scary. Except maybe for my friend who is a Third Day* groupie, chasing their concerts all over the country. Happy Birthday dawg.

*Third Day = Christian rock band

(btw, my Third Day groupie friend isn’t scary in the context mentioned in this post. His friends just like to tease him because of his obsession.)


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Faith Journey – My feet are tired but my soul is on fire

faith journey

It’s a worn out phrase, “faith journey,” but it’s accurate. It’s been a long, hard struggle for me, at times. Often I’m trudging along, with my eyes focused on the path ahead, ever vigilant for obstacles. There can be big boulders, some so large I have to climb over them. Like my prideful selfishness. It just keeps getting in my way.

Sometimes I get tired of this journey, ever looking out for and dodging potholes and roadblocks. Sometimes I just want to step off the path, set up camp, and crash for a while. But then I look up, and there ahead is my goal, always bright and visible. Jesus is right there, forever in front of me, encouraging me onward. His love is so powerful. It gets me back on my feet and moving again. Almost like a magnetic force, pulling me onward. When my feet get tired, Jesus’ love lights the fire in my soul, and gives me all the energy I need.

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” (Hebrews 12:2)


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Not Alone in the Trials

Not alone in the trials

My last trial found me very afraid, at first. The threat of prostrate cancer hit me in the face. Yet very quickly I found myself leaving the fear, and embracing excitement. For I knew I wasn’t alone. The Holy Spirit of God is within me, and He was sharing the experience with me. And the prospect of cancer began to look like an adventure. I found myself giggling because my reaction was the opposite of what I had first expected. Then tears of joy, for I was experiencing the promise of the peace that goes beyond my capability to understand. The verse that filled my thoughts was, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

None of us need be alone in the trials.

(btw, turned out not to be cancer)


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Growing your love for God

We love because God loves

I recently met someone who said they are concerned about their love for God. They feel theirs is a conditional love, one that changes as circumstances change. They’re not happy about it; they wish their love for God were stronger. This got me thinking, how do we nurture our love for God and help it grow beyond the conditional phase, to a true, unconditional love?

When I met my wife, I was immediately attracted to her. The more we came to know each other, the more I loved her. But my love for her was conditional, initially. I have to admit that it took time for my love to grow into a true, unconditional love. Yet, what fed our love and helped it grow bigger and stronger? For me it was two simple things: our ever-growing closeness and relationship, and the knowledge of the love she felt for me.

What will feed your love for God? Your ever-growing closeness and relationship with Him, and an understanding of the magnitude of Gods love for you. God loves you without conditions. Nothing you do can diminish His love for you. The more you come to feel the reality of Gods love for you, the more you will love Him. You will love, because He first loves you.


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God so loves the world…

crying

… that he GAVE his one and only Son. Such is the magnitude of Gods love. Father and Son had been together for eternity. Then God held out his dearly loved child, and sin snatched the Son away and nailed him to the cross. Imagine the pain of a parent watching a child suffer (I’m sorry for those of you who know this pain).

Jesus was not the only one who suffered on the cross. God suffered too – all because of His love for us.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)